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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 01:27 AM

Well Brothers and sisters, Jesus has spoken. The Honorable Senator Craig, a Godly, Family Values Republican who spent countless hours placing Chick tracts in public toilets all across the fruited plain of this Nation, has been forced to resign his post because of the Clinton legacy.

I was quite touched by the final words in Senator Craig's resignation statement.

Quote:
Lastly, Suzanne and I have been humbled beyond words by the tremendous outpouring of support we have received from our friends, our family, our staff and fellow Idahoans. We are profoundly and forever grateful. Thank you all very much.
It seems that all those telegrams and phonecalls I made served their purpose.

I know that all of us will keep him in our prayers (Senator Craig, not the Clintons, who should all go straight to hell for ruining such a fine Christian public servant), and wish him luck in his new role as Chief of Security for Bemis International.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 01:28 AM

I never thought I'd have to admit this. It is awful, and I almost wish I had been caught playing footsie with a cop in some filthy toilet. But with all of the investigation going on lately, I have a feeling that this is going to come out, so I want to admit it....get out in the open....come 'out of the closet' so to speak.

Friends, my father was not a Baptist pastor and my mother wasn't a stay-at-home mom. They were.....they were......scientists. Physicists actually, and worked with Erwin Schrodinger, Enrico Fermi and that JOO J. Robert Oppenheimer. They idolized Albert Einstein. Friends, my original birth certificate, one of only a few issued at White Sands Proving Grounds (legally Alamogordo, Otero County) New Mexico, reads... (sob) Albert Einstein Pistle. After that, they transferred to Dugway and worked on things the were never allowed to discuss. I still have a few quarts of various substances in sealed vacuum bottles, but the chemical names on the front don't make any sense. I looked them up but no luck. I mean what is 'Armageddon #9' supposed to mean? It sounds like a Beatles song.

Of course, as soon as I reached the age of majority, I changed my name legally to Alan Edward Pistle; but someone is sure to find out eventually. I am not sure I can live with the shame of being named after some filthy JOO, even if he was the smartest person in the world since Issac Newton.

But there IS a silver lining to this story. Pity my poor younger brother, Charles (ChuckieD) Darwin Pistle. Hahahahah! Just thinking about it makes me laugh! There, but for the Grace of God, go I.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 07:04 AM

I have my own dark family secret; I used to have an uncle that was a demoncrat. He's longer with us, though...I don't know WHAT he was doing at the bottom of Folsom Lake, anyway.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 07:06 AM

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Originally Posted by Mr. Jingles View Post
I have my own dark family secret; I used to have an uncle that was a demoncrat. He's longer with us, though...I don't know WHAT he was doing at the bottom of Folsom Lake, anyway.
OH NO! I thought MY secret was bad! I feel much better now.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 02:59 PM

I thought I was bad for keeping some GAU rounds I found in the Godless wastes of Kuwait. We were told not to touch them but come on, their huge.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 08:12 PM

Want to hear something REALLY funny? The anti-war crowd went up to the Pohakuloa training facility and one of them happened to have a hand-held radiation detector. When it went nuts, the public was told that the army fired some depleted Uranium shells in recoilless rifles some years ago and the radiation was from that. We all know that the entire island is a huge, nuclear and biological weapons storage facility. That's why they have the same sort of security up there as at Area 51.


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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 08:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Jingles View Post
I have my own dark family secret; I used to have an uncle that was a demoncrat. He's longer with us, though...I don't know WHAT he was doing at the bottom of Folsom Lake, anyway.
Your words bring tears my eyes. I must sadly confess that my grandfather (who was a preacher in Armpit, Texas), during a Sunday sermon told his congregation that "Jesus was a Jew."

Of course, Grandpa got lynched, and the rest of the family was run out of town.

I've been carrying this guilt around me for years. How liberating it feels to finally speak up!

I thank everyone here for coming out today.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-02-2007, 11:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post

I never thought I'd have to admit this. It is awful, and ...

... Of course, as soon as I reached the age of majority, I changed my name legally to Alan Edward Pistle; but someone is sure to find out eventually. I am not sure I can live with the shame of being named after some filthy JOO, even if he was the smartest person in the world since Issac Newton.

But there IS a silver lining to this story. Pity my poor younger brother, Charles (ChuckieD) Darwin Pistle. Hahahahah! Just thinking about it makes me laugh! There, but for the Grace of God, go I.
Oh my goodnessgracious Pastor Al, how unfortunate that you and your brother were given such names and had to grow up with that kind of embarrassment! My heart goes out! Any chance your younger brother will be changing his name too?


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 01:36 AM

Shoot I use those rounds for hand warmers for me and the kids when we go hunting.

All these embarrassing secrets! I thought I knew you all but I guess not. Do we ever truly know each other?
Jesus does.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 07:27 AM

Friends, the State of Minnesota, known for its collapsing bridges, is also one of the most vile Lieberal states in the union and has produced some of the worst Demoncrats in the country, Hubert H. Humphrey and Walter F. Mondale among them. And this is not to mention homer Garrison Keillor, beloved by the Leiberal diarrhea listening PBS crowd.

Senator Craig was arrested in the Minneapolis-Saint Paul (Minnesota) International Airport by this guy:

Name:  homocop.jpg
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Now I put it to you, should this cop be arresting righteous upstanding Christians in restrooms or picking bathroom fixtures, track lighting and wall paper on the House and Garden Channel?


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 07:31 AM

Bush and Cheney suck...I'm not biased towards any party. Bush has been only president around while I was old enough to use logic and decide what decisions are right and wrong for myself, and I can say, they failed. Bad.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 07:42 AM

The above post is worth a thought if you take political advice from 15 year olds.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 07:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley View Post
The above post is worth a thought if you take political advice from 15 year olds.
At least I'm not afraid to show my age
I have an open mind to most things, as almost anyone my age does, unlike older biased people such as yourself.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 07:58 AM

My pet dog is sleeping, I'll have him translate the above post when he wakes up.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 08:07 AM

If you can't understand correct grammars, your'e have problems.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 03:10 PM

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If you can't understand correct grammars, your'e have problems.
Exactly how many "grammars" are we talking about?


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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 03:18 PM

A product of the public school system, no doubt!


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Poison__x Poison__x is offline
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-03-2007, 06:10 PM

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Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton View Post
Exactly how many "grammars" are we talking about?
Damn... got me there with a typo

Either way, you know what I meant.
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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-04-2007, 01:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poison__x View Post
At least I'm not afraid to show my age
I have an open mind to most things, as almost anyone my age does, unlike older biased people such as yourself.
Age isn't an issue once we True Christians are raptured and you're down here burning in hell with all the other Demoncrats.

Young man, I urge you to reconsider and support our Godly President, before it's too late. Just remember, Jesus Loves You - unless you piss him off by voting for Hillary or Obamarama, in which case you're gonna fry.

Hallelujah!
Buford


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



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Default Re: Godly Republican + Homer DEMONcrat + Public Bathroom = Entrap - 09-04-2007, 01:19 AM

Democrats are clearly inferior and unintelligent. They would vote for a frog if the frog was an Atheist, approved of dope and hated America.

A vote for Obama(middle name HUSSEIN!) is a vote for someone who hates America and the military and sympathizes with the terrorists. He wants us to surrender to Islam and wants us to all to take a back seat to the Mexicans who smother our country like a stinky brown blanket rife with VDs and Jesus hating Catholicism. He is a Socialist idiot and should NOT be taken seriously.

Hillary is a Clinton. That should be enough. Voting for her is like voting for a Communist gun hating, troop insulting, America bashing retard who can't even keep an eye on her cheating husband in the next room. Just the fact that she wants to sit at the same desk Bubba fornicated that fat intern at makes me sick and if you were a patriotic American it would you too. My question is could she run the country or would she just bleed all over it?

God hates Democrats.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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