General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-30-2014, 09:11 PM
If Mistress Cookie is pregnant, this scandal will not go away for the next 16 years and 9 months
I hope she uses sickular law to get child support payments from you for all that time.
And don't try to get out of it by saying that she has to marry you, because you haven't been caught.
|
|
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
|
|
Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-30-2014, 09:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
If Mistress Cookie is pregnant, this scandal will not go away for the next 16 years and 9 months
|
With respect, Brother, if Mistress Cookie is pregnant it will be a Miracle rather than a scandal.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-30-2014, 10:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
With respect, Brother, if Mistress Cookie is pregnant it will be a Miracle rather than a scandal.
|
Genesis 17:17 Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?
If it was good enough for Sarah, why not for Mistress Cookie?
And I'm sure that our Cookie is not 90 years old. Yet.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-30-2014, 10:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
Mr Mayor Hold, I implore you to send out the Freehold police force to apprehend Mr Machine and rescue Mistress Cookie. Surely they can leave the city limits in plain clothes to achieve this. I fear gravely for her safety while in his company.
Mrs Johnson, I know your brain is weak and female, but let me spell it out for you - Mr Machine seems to be keeping Mistress Cookie as a prisoner to do what he wishes with her. Cherokee is at most 3 hours (at a leisurely speed) from Freehold. So why will it take him 'many days' to cover such a short distance?
|
Mr. Farmer, thank you for being quite precise with me. After all, I am a foolish female. My husband asks me to reserve judgement, but I will say this. Brother Faith Machine, I hope that you are doing the godly thing. Your warning is a bit alarming to me. I do not want the money and food I sent go to the ungodly, so if you are acting that way, repent, and go back to being a good Christian man. If not, please disregard this warning; I would like to think of you as a good man, but I'm a foolish female. Mr. Mayor, I would love to live in Freehold some day; it sounds like a lovely town!
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
|
|
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-01-2014, 01:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
If that be the case, let Mistress Cookie log on to your computer and assure us in her own words.
|
Hello brother Jim and all of my dear, dear, sweet brothers and sisters in Christ. Brother Machine was kind enough to let me post from his account on his gay little smart phone and I wish to assure all of you that I am on the mend and your well-wishes and prayers and good thoughts are deeply appreciated.
Please don't worry about me as Faith Machine has been wonderfully accommodating of all the needs associated with what is sure to be my very long healing process. And please don't be alarmed if you don't see me back in Freehold right away, as I haver prevailed upon Faith to take us on a little road trip to beautiful Stone Mountain, as I feel the fresh mountain air will be good for my constitution and that place has always held great spiritual significance for me.
Love and blessings to you all!
Mistress Cookie
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-01-2014, 01:06 AM
That does not fool me, Mr FM. It may fool some of the ladies, but not we men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
let Mistress Cookie log on
|
I don't see where that has happened.
|
|
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-01-2014, 01:15 AM
Hello, FM here. Miss Cookie couldn't remember her login credentials. Also, there's an automatic restriction on any IP address associated with my account which prevents the use of personal messaging on this site or use of the LBChat app. Given that she didn't want the algorithms to wrongly restrict her account, it's best the Cookie not log on via my device.
Anyway, I think we're driving into a vast expanse of open road and glorious American wilderness where there is not good cell coverage, so you might be unable to reach us for a while. Stone Mountain, here we come!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-01-2014, 01:26 AM
Now, why don't I believe a single word you've said?
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-01-2014, 11:33 PM
Excuse me gentlemen, but may I suggest stopping at a lovely little cafe and Best Buy and buy a computer separate from yours, Brother Faith Machine? That way, we could all see her credentials and tell her to pray over remembering things. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" Matthew 7:7 That should solve the problem!
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: MAGA Country, USA
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 12:30 AM
Mercy me, but I do hope nothing is wrong. That was a Parson Gray large cavalry duffel, and I was expecting to get it back.
Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
|
|
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 01:16 AM
Sorry, I am having trouble reading your posts, as we are still passing through many miles of God's glorious country, where wireless reception is spotty. Everything continues to be 100% OK, however, and Miss Cookie sends her love to all of you!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 01:19 AM
Where are you at the moment, FM?
|
|
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 01:30 AM
Sorry, having hard time reading your post; spotty reception; in transit. Many glorious miles of open road ahead. Excelsior!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 01:38 AM
That's odd. I thought you were driving from Iowa to Georgia to see Stone Mountain. What are you doing in Nebraska? Are you lost?
|
|
South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 01:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
That's odd. I thought you were driving from Iowa to Georgia to see Stone Mountain. What are you doing in Nebraska? Are you lost?
|
Apparently, Brother FM s taking the scenic route. If miles and miles of frozen snow-covered wasteland can be considered "scenic."
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
|
|
Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
12-02-2014, 03:43 AM
I don't think it's that scenic...I've seen it and there was nothing really to see. She should be back in Landover with godly people to help her, rather than outside in the ice-cold air; that could kill her with her delicate consumption!
Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|