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10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 03:23 AM
Okay.
Since most of the users here are older than my grandmother I would keep this as short as possible for you believers.
this is:
10 Reasons why Pastafari is actually god.
1: He created midgets
2: The Religion explains global warming and piracy is having a connection.
3: Pirate cloth is teh shit!
4: He is everywhere, there is pictures that proves! Because we can PROVE that he exists!
5: Hell is a myth! You can sin much as you want! (Start peeing on your couch)
6: It's a denial of darwinistic theory. The stuff you guys hate with all your heart.
7: Everyone loves spaghetti and meatballs!
8: There is no need to have a religion named after a boy name, when you can have a religion nearly named after some delicious food!
9: You can laugh of hatemails. The High Priest gets them a lot!
10: Do you hear the voices too?
Btw: To sign up for the new curch, you can visit. http://www.landoverbaptist.net
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 04:11 AM
Translation:
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 04:14 AM
How could you use such a dirty word?
I hope that you get your punishment!
You should really take this serious.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 04:26 AM
1: He created midgets
Midgets are evil spawn of Satan
2: The Religion explains global warming and piracy is having a connection.
Global warming is a myth created by homer tree hugging hippy demoncrats
3: Pirate cloth is teh shit!
Turning sh*t into cloth is impressive but not God like
But remember: "And it shall come to pass in the day of the LORD's sacrifice, that I will punish the princes, and the king's children, and all such as are clothed with strange apparel." Zephaniah 1:8
4: He is everywhere, there is pictures that proves! Because we can PROVE that he exists!
If it's not in the Bible (KJV1611) then it's not true
5: Hell is a myth! You can sin much as you want! (Start peeing on your couch)
You'll change that belief while the demons are invading your backside in Hell
6: It's a denial of darwinistic theory. The stuff you guys hate with all your heart.
Pirates are just monkeys with fancy clothes
7: Everyone loves spaghetti and meatballs!
The garlic eating Eytalian catylicks invented spaghetti
8: There is no need to have a religion named after a boy name, when you can have a religion nearly named after some delicious food!
Nothing is more delicious than the love of Jesus
9: You can laugh of hatemails. The High Priest gets them a lot!
Huh?
10: Do you hear the voices too?
Yes. Praise the Lord and one true God and Jesus.
Deuteronomy 7:26 Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 04:31 AM
Quote:
Midgets are evil spawn of Satan
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Quote:
If it's not in the Bible (KJV1611) then it's not true
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Midgets isn't mentioned in the bible. So they are not spawn of satan!
And what makes the bible more true than other books anyway?
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 05:54 AM
I can only think of 1 Reason why God is not a flying spaghetti monster!
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Spaghetti came after the creation of the earth
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 08:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
I can only think of 1 Reason why God is not a flying spaghetti monster!
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Spaghetti came after the creation of the earth
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It appears that you cannot disprove the fact that Spaghetti didn't exist before the heaven and earth.
Because of this simple fact, I will continue to identify myself as a Pastafarian; believer in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Because you cannot disprove it, it has just as much evidence of existance as your god.
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 08:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefiron
Midgets isn't mentioned in the bible. So they are not spawn of satan!
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You might want to retract this friend.
Leviticus 21:20
Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
I hope the rest of your "information" is more reliable, but I highly doubt it.
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 08:41 AM
Congratulations on your newly created religion. I'm sure L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith would be proud.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 08:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secret
It appears that you cannot disprove the fact that Spaghetti didn't exist before the heaven and earth.
Because of this simple fact, I will continue to identify myself as a Pastafarian; believer in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Because you cannot disprove it, it has just as much evidence of existance as your god.
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Spaghetti facts;
► Your false religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has only been around for 5 years.
► Spaghetti appeared in Italy in the 12 century.
Proof your false religion appeared after Jesus came to earth, and God making the world.
I believe in God and follow the teachings in the King James Bible. I will never follow your false religion.
Jeremiah 7:9 Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not;
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Spaghetti facts;
► Your false religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has only been around for 5 years.
► Spaghetti appeared in Italy in the 12 century.
Proof your false religion appeared after Jesus came to earth, and God making the world.
I believe in God and follow the teachings in the King James Bible. I will never follow your false religion.
Jeremiah 7:9 Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not;
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Quote:
► Your false religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has only been around for 5 years.
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Good to see some rationale, No. it is true that Pastafarianism has just recently shown millions the light, however the point you are trying to make is not quite right; since you are saying that Christianity is any more valid of a religeon because of it's age, then you are also saying that the Kemetic religeon of the Egyptians are more valid for showing physical signs older than Jesus (pyramids). Why would you say something like that in surrounded by your peering bretherens? why do you hate jesus?
Quote:
► Spaghetti appeared in Italy in the 12 century.
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As I mentioned before, you cannot disprove that spaghetti didn't exist in a form of a supernatural being before the Earth was made, therefore making it irrelevant as for when we feeble humans discovered Spaghetti. jesus appeared in the middle east some centuries ago, are you saying that he didn't exist before then? such blasphemy even within this 'devout board'
Seriously though, the site regulators that have been keeping this operation so convincing for so long need to do something about you youngbloods.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:19 AM
You are just making your own path to hell for not believing in the Lord. Cast aside your false God and believe in the Lord.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefiron
Everyone loves spaghetti
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Spaghetti is for gays. Why is our favorite tomato sauce addicted Jo Freddie still not in this thread?
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
You are just making your own path to hell for not believing in the Lord. Cast aside your false God and believe in the Lord.
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one path to salvation.
You cannot disprove the existance of this divine sentience, therefore it exists.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secret
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one path to salvation.
You cannot disprove the existance of this divine sentience, therefore it exists.
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Spaghetti has it origins in China - So I presume that your beliefs are based around the scourge that is Communism
It is very curious that you would omit that little oversight !!!
Psalm 38:12 (New King James Version)
12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.
2 Samuel 22:31
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Spaghetti is for gays. Why is our favorite tomato sauce addicted Jo Freddie still not in this thread?
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Last I heard, he was being boiled on earth as a warning from God to repent his sins.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secret
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one path to salvation.
You cannot disprove the existance of this divine sentience, therefore it exists.
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My body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. Not for defiling with obese making foods such as spaghetti.
1 Corinthians 6:19 9 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
Jeremiah 7:9 Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not;
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Spaghetti facts;
► Your false religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has only been around for 5 years.
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I have already covered this
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
► Spaghetti appeared in Italy in the 12 century.
Proof your false religion appeared after Jesus came to earth, and God making the world.
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And I covered that too
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Oldest Noodles found pre-date that Hippie by at least 2000 years...
October 12, 2005—A 4,000-year-old bowl of noodles unearthed in China is the earliest example ever found of one of the world's most popular foods, scientists reported today. It also suggests an Asian—not Italian—origin for the staple dish.
The beautifully preserved, long, thin yellow noodles were found inside an overturned sealed bowl at the Lajia archaeological site in northwestern China. The bowl was buried under ten feet (three meters) of sediment.
"This is the earliest empirical evidence of noodles ever found," Houyuan Lu of Beijing's Chinese Academy of Sciences said in an e-mail interview.
The scientists determined the noodles were made from two kinds of millet. Modern North American and European noodles are usually made with wheat.
Archaeochemist Patrick McGovern at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia said that if the date for the noodles is correct, the find is "quite amazing."
Even today, he said, deft skills are required to make long, thin noodles like those found at Lajia.
"This shows a fairly high level of food processing and culinary sophistication," he said.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 09:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
I have already covered this And I covered that too
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I was already wondering why you did not post here yet. How is it to be on topic for once?
I wonder if hell has a special section for all these spaghetti worshipers where they will be boiled in tomato sauce for all eternity.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: 10 Reasons that god is a flying spaghetti monster! -
07-11-2010, 10:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secret
As I mentioned before, you cannot disprove that spaghetti didn't exist in a form of a supernatural being before the Earth was made, therefore making it irrelevant as for when we feeble humans discovered Spaghetti. jesus appeared in the middle east some centuries ago, are you saying that he didn't exist before then? such blasphemy even within this 'devout board'
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There are 2 verses (at least) from KJV1611 that lay the myth of his noolyness
Ti:1:2: In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;
This reveals that (a) God never lies and (b) God was here before the world began and we have written proof about what happened before the Earth was created.
1Ki:14:9: But hast done evil above all that were before thee: for thou hast gone and made thee other gods, and molten images, to provoke me to anger, and hast cast me behind thy back:
This reveals that God knows men will just make up gods without the slightest provocation. (Somehow, these false prophets and deluded fools know what their so-called god looks like and make graven images of them, just like Catlix.)
And what should be done with those gods and their temples?
Deu 12:2 Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein the nations which ye shall possess served their gods, upon the high mountains, and upon the hills, and under every green tree:
Deu 12:3 And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars, and burn their groves with fire; and ye shall hew down the graven images of their gods, and destroy the names of them out of that place.
Thus we see that God was the first one ever, everything after Him is simply made up. God knew that deluded ones would see the profit and power in religion and try and cash in, so he ordered the destruction of all so called gods for they won't answer your prayers or get you to heaven.
The conclusion can only be that the competition is an inferior product and, if you pay your money to them, you'll go to Hell. This is because God is like the Better Business Bureau and does not want you wasting your wealth when you could give to Him.
I hope this puts an end to all this bickering.
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