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Posts: 2
Join Date: Apr 2011
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
04-14-2011, 09:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Moderators, please ban "Animate Saith" for cyber-harassing Daisy Mae Johnson!
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Oh come on Faith Machine, don't tell me that she has never featured in in your dirty little episodes of nocturnal emission?
Well I think thats me done, I was warned that I would only get one more shot before I would be condemned to living a life without Landover. I don't know if you people are for real, because there is so much subtle sexual imagery in your posts I'm starting to wonder if you are all in on some huge joke and are just taking the piss. However if you are not, then I would like to say that you are scum. You are actively contributing to youth suicide. And you are making the world a worse place to live in. I wish I had more time to vent but alas life is too short.
Animate Saith
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I am an Atheist.
Grow up.
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Recovering Bastard Head of Landover Glee Club
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,363
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Opening doors for little old ladies, helping the blind to see.
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
04-20-2011, 09:15 AM
Your name is also an anagram for "Ain't I hate, Sam?"
Yes. Yes you are.
No matter what atheists say they're doing, hate is the result of their actions.
The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12
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Unsaved trash, teenaged pervert
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Posts: 40
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: on my knees for Jesus and Pastor Zeke
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-13-2011, 04:47 AM
Why would the spilled sperm go straight to hell? An eternity in hell for something they had absolutely no control over is a bit harsh.
God is as strong as a unicorn Num.23:22, 24:8
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-13-2011, 04:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11cookeaw1
Why would the spilled sperm go straight to hell? An eternity in hell for something they had absolutely no control over is a bit harsh.
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Control has nothing to do with it. Jesus decides who goes to hell. Read THIS.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash, teenaged pervert
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Posts: 40
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: on my knees for Jesus and Pastor Zeke
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-13-2011, 08:02 AM
So basically they go to hell without every having any thought of chance.
God is as strong as a unicorn Num.23:22, 24:8
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-13-2011, 08:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11cookeaw1
So basically they go to hell without every having any thought of chance.
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Oh, what, life isn't fair? You're just now figuring that out? I suppose you think you know better than God how to run the universe.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-13-2011, 08:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Oh, what, life isn't fair? You're just now figuring that out? I suppose you think you know better than God how to run the universe.
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Brother Faith, it's only fair if their Darwinian God says it's fair.
Example: if a Nile crocodile snatches a baby springbok from the bank of a waterhole, that's the beauty of nature, BUT if Jesus sends a human baby to Hell for eternity all of a sudden that's reprehensible.
It's like they're drinking some weird cocktail of cognitive dissonance, moral relativity, and traumatic concussion.
YiC,
Zech
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-13-2011, 09:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cursed
Your name is also an anagram for "Ain't I hate, Sam?"
Yes. Yes you are.
No matter what atheists say they're doing, hate is the result of their actions.
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Miss Johnson is very lucky to have you beside her. Earthquakes & volcanos do not often come together but in these libidinous times the antics of unsaved filth and the lies of heathen women provoke Him severely and soon the whole world will erupt. Praise God! ....and thank you Jesus, it will not last forever.
Heathens spout their nonsense and God responds their odious lust brings ruin. We look forward to a brand new day - Praise God!
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Unsaved Trash, Rabid godmocker
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Posts: 61
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Praying to monkeys
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 03:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
It seems she finds the deaths of tens of thousands, followed by their eternal damnation, amusing.
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Almost every one of you guys have said you enjoy people's damnation and how you will stand next to christ laughing as we scream in agony... dumbass.
1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 04:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I once belived
Almost every one of you guys have said you enjoy people's damnation and how you will stand next to christ laughing as we scream in agony... dumbass.
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No, you're the dumbass, because you are clearly ignorant of the scripture which specifically tells us we will stand next to Christ and laugh as you burn in Hell.
Quote:
Proverbs 1:23-29
23Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.
24Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded;
25But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof:
26I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;
27When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.
28Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:
29For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD:
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Do you think we want it to turn out this way? Do you think we aren't praying on a daily basis that you will decide to make Jesus' love more important than your desire to put cucumbers in your rectum?
You can be with us in Heaven, friend. Just accept Jesus, get baptized, and start reading the Bible! I guarantee, you won't miss being sodomized.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved Trash, Rabid godmocker
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Posts: 61
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Praying to monkeys
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 04:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
No, you're the dumbass, because you are clearly ignorant of the scripture which specifically tells us we will stand next to Christ and laugh as you burn in Hell.
Do you think we want it to turn out this way? Do you think we aren't praying on a daily basis that you will decide to make Jesus' love more important than your desire to put cucumbers in your rectum?
You can be with us in Heaven, friend. Just accept Jesus, get baptized, and start reading the Bible! I guarantee, you won't miss being sodomized.
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I used to be a faithful Christian, I just cant believe it. If I could find enough evidence that there truly is a god then I would return to the Christian faith.
1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 04:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I once belived
I used to be a faithful Christian, I just cant believe it. If I could find enough evidence that there truly is a god then I would return to the Christian faith.
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Take a deep breath. He did that. (Genesis 2:7)
Kick off your shoes and go for a walk in the grass. He did that. (Genesis 1:11)
You see where I'm going. Do you see where YOU'RE going?
Despite your insolence, I have a good feeling about you.
(Proverbs 1:5-6) "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings."
You are fighting God's Will, but this is one fight even jarheads will ultimately lose. Take a step back, read your Bible (KJV) cover-to-cover, and come back.
I promise it will change your life.
Sincerely,
Zech
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-14-2011, 04:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I once belived
Almost every one of you guys have said you enjoy people's damnation and how you will stand next to christ laughing as we scream in agony... dumbass.
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I have never said any such thing, God-mocking retard who can't even spell "believed".
I don't celebrate anyone's damnation -- not the aborted baby, not the sweet, kind old Buddhist woman who spent her life helping others selflessly, and not even yours, even though you're a hate-filled monster.
In your case, I MAY be able to make an exception. I'll try.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 05:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I once belived
I used to be a faithful Christian, I just cant believe it. If I could find enough evidence that there truly is a god then I would return to the Christian faith.
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The evidence for God's existence is overwhelming friend.
For example; the perfection of the human body - our arms are just long enough for a human to wipe their ass. This allows people to have have basic hygiene that separates us from mere beasts. Clearly, like the cucumber, there is no evolutionary reason for this.
Until you can provide a naturalistic explanation for why we can wipe our ass then you MUST accept God's existence.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptio -
11-14-2011, 05:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I once belived
I used to be a faithful Christian, I just cant believe it. If I could find enough evidence that there truly is a god then I would return to the Christian faith.
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You need look no further than the produce aisle of any supermarket:
Case closed!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Christ's Battle Axe
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Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: WARNING! Masturbation Causes EarthQuakes and Volcanic Eruptions -
11-16-2011, 12:12 PM
When you see them in Hell, be sure to ask David Carradine and Michael Hutchence how "harmless" masturbation is.
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