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Default My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 04:32 PM
Sometimes this Christian community can be a drag. Now my neighbors are freaking out because Moonflower is my cook now. I mean for the love of Jesus do they think I, of all people in Landover, am going to allow a serious menace into our community? Not clear it with the Pastor’s first? I mean didn’t Pastor Al famously say “There are only two men at Landover I trust with Moonflower; Born Again Bob and Bobby-Joe, and may Jesus help you two.”? Doesn’t that kind of trust count for nothing today?

First it is neighbor X to the north of my house; he tells me wife is complaining that Moonflower is dancing naked in my yard at night. So have to show him the records for the GPS tracking bracelet I put on Moonflower and the photage of my security camera for the yard that night. Heck, Moonflower doesn’t even have the security code to open the door to her room after 10:00pm! What kind of sloppy Christian household do they think I run???

No, X keeps on nattering about how Moonflower is inducing perverted thoughts into his wife. Well when I pointed out he might stop letting her watch Desperate House Wives she might be less tempted, or did X think the Church doesn’t monitor those kind of things? That shut him up.

Then neighbor Y comes up to me after Church last Sunday and claims Moonflower “eye raped” him. I ask him how in the heck did that happen, as far as I know the two of them never have meet. (and I checked the GPS tracking system mind you) He then tells me “she is using her wicker powers to see threw the walls” I told him, nonsense, Neighbor’s Z Mexican gardener is more her taste and I’ve caught her watching him. If she is looking through walls it is into tanned and muscular Juan’s room. Then Y goes to say “That she using her mind to make him molest his kids”. That was nice. Neighbor Y is relaxing under Pastoral supervision in Landover Rehab now.

Arrrrh Jesus does test me at times.


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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:01 PM
Oh dear Bobby Joe, such a responsibility.
I shall have harsh words my my Messican Gardener today and I may even have to have his eyes gouged out to stop him looking. I don't want him getting thoughts about raping any poor unsuspecting women.
Juan is such a passionate man, and getting sight of Moon may have certain "effects" on him.


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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:04 PM
Well, you should hear my "Neighbors" go yap-yap every time I bake a batch of my Home-made, Bibically-Correct Dungbread!

And they have the brass doorknockers to call themselves "Christians" too!

Sad, the world these days....

SUV
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Oh dear Bobby Joe, such a responsibility.
I shall have harsh words my my Messican Gardener today and I may even have to have his eyes gouged out to stop him looking. I don't want him getting thoughts about raping any poor unsuspecting women.
Juan is such a passionate man, and getting sight of Moon may have certain "effects" on him.
I didn't want to embarrass you widow Sister Talitha but there have been comments about Juan stripping himself to his hot, sweaty waist while working in your yard and bending over. It has been eliciting disturbing thoughts in some people.

Quote:
Well, you should hear my "Neighbors" go yap-yap every time I bake a batch of my Home-made, Bibically-Correct Dungbread!

And they have the brass doorknockers to call themselves "Christians" too!

Sad, the world these days....

SUV
That explains those "burning manure pile" complaints we get from time to time.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:22 PM
Your neighbours sound much more capable than mine!! Despite attempting to seperate myself from heathen scum as much as possible, it would seem that Satan still insists on sending filthy chavs and goths to plague my lawn during the night.
I need a Godly True Christian™ man to sort those unsaved heathens out!

~Rain
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain View Post
Your neighbours sound much more capable than mine!! Despite attempting to seperate myself from heathen scum as much as possible, it would seem that Satan still insists on sending filthy chavs and goths to plague my lawn during the night.
I need a Godly True Christian™ man to sort those unsaved heathens out!

~Rain
Well that is the advantage of living in a Godly gated Christian community. If it wasn't for that court order (or what ever they call it over there) Brother Temperance is under I would suggest you two consider starting one in England.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by: bobby-Joe:
I didn't want to embarrass you widow Sister Talitha but there have been comments about Juan stripping himself to his hot, sweaty waist while working in your yard and bending over. It has been eliciting disturbing thoughts in some people.
Hmmm. If I didn't know you well, I'd say you're...erm...
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by robert12345 View Post
Hmmm. If I didn't know you well, I'd say you're...erm...
,... Christian.


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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:14 PM
Quote:
,... Christian.
That's not quite it, Mr Big Strong Muscled bother Joe.

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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by robert12345 View Post
Hmmm. If I didn't know you well, I'd say you're...erm...
Saved?
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:21 PM
Quote:
Saved?
Yeah, it's saved. Stupid of me to think that the words "hot" and "sweaty" can apply on anything else.
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by robert12345 View Post
Yeah, it's saved. Stupid of me to think that the words "hot" and "sweaty" can apply on anything else.
Perhaps you've heard of my friend Jesus?

Luke 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

This is an image of professional wrestler Steve Corino. He's not Jesus, but you get the idea.



YIC
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:39 PM
Of course I know who "your imaginary friend" Jesus is. He is the one you believe died for your sins. One minute of silence for Christ.

....

....

....

What do you know, I might become a Christian once.
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by robert12345 View Post
Of course I know who "your imaginary friend" Jesus is. He is the one you believe died for your sins. One minute of silence for Christ.

....

....

....

What do you know, I might become a Christian once.
Praise Jesus, you are learning how to pray!

You should really go into your prayer closet first though.

Matthew 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.


Instead you prayed your silent prayer in showy fashion, and Jesus HATES that.

Matthew 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Silent prayer=good... broadcasting silent prayer=not so good.

See how that works.

YIC
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 06:53 PM
Quote:
Praise Jesus, you are learning how to pray!

You should really go into your prayer closet first though.
Hmmm. I think I'm a bit claustrophobic so this closet thing is.... The first/last time I prayed (7 minutes ago) was in a room with no cameras and only myself in it. Will this please Jesus?
Quote:

Silent prayer=good... broadcasting silent prayer=not so good.
...

...

...

...

...

...
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 07:15 PM
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Hmmm. I think I'm a bit claustrophobic so this closet thing is.... The first/last time I prayed (7 minutes ago) was in a room with no cameras and only myself in it. Will this please Jesus?
Friend,

Jesus says closet He means closet. You have to be in a closet to be a good TRUE Christians™.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Well that is the advantage of living in a Godly gated Christian community. If it wasn't for that court order (or what ever they call it over there) Brother Temperance is under I would suggest you two consider starting one in England.
Just think of all the Catlicks we might be able to Save from the clutches of that goddamn skirt wearing 'pope'!!!
It sounds like a wonderful idea, I can't wait until He decides to finally do away with our wretched, Hell slidden government and we can finally do His work properly as He commanded!!

~Rain
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-06-2006, 10:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Rain View Post
Just think of all the Catlicks we might be able to Save from the clutches of that goddamn skirt wearing 'pope'!!!
It sounds like a wonderful idea, I can't wait until He decides to finally do away with our wretched, Hell slidden government and we can finally do His work properly as He commanded!!

~Rain
Yes, FREEDOM® needs to come to England I can see. I had no idea it was so bad over there until Brother Temperance told me how he has been persecuted and accused of the most horrible things for his work to bring Christ to Catlicker children. The jackbooted heel of Lieberlism stands firmly on the neck of the English TRUE believers® and Jesus weeps. It is a breach threw which Mudslime terrorist pour to attack America and FREEDOM®. I pray our president sees fit to do the right thing with England.


Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-07-2006, 03:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Yes, FREEDOM® needs to come to England I can see. I had no idea it was so bad over there until Brother Temperance told me how he has been persecuted and accused of the most horrible things for his work to bring Christ to Catlicker children. The jackbooted heel of Lieberlism stands firmly on the neck of the English TRUE believers® and Jesus weeps. It is a breach threw which Mudslime terrorist pour to attack America and FREEDOM®. I pray our president sees fit to do the right thing with England.
The situation's getting ridiculous. Condi's quite short, so I've tried persuading her to dress up in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit so I can pretend to be dropping her off at school, and thus have a legitimate reason to hang around the Catlick school gates, shoving Jack Chick tracts down the blouses of passing Mary-Worshipper schoolgirls, but the damned uppity Slav just won't listen to reason.

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: My Neighboors - 10-08-2006, 09:28 AM
You servants are your own business Brother T, but in my view I wouldn't let your slav anywhere near a catlicker institution. She could revert like those dogs who go wild and turn on their masters suddenly. Not to mention the lezbean nuns could go berserk and attempt to kidnap her.

I'd have her handing out THESE Chick Tracts in front of a Jehovy Witless synagouge.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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