General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 56
Join Date: Dec 2011
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-15-2011, 07:19 PM
Q: How do you turn your dishwasher into a sweeper?
A: Buy HER a broom!
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-15-2011, 08:18 PM
A priest and a rabbi are in a bar. They both begin to get tired and the rabbi suggests they call it a night.
"Yeah, I think I'll go home and screw an alter boy," says the priest.
"For how much?" says the rabbi.
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 345
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In my prayer closet
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-15-2011, 11:41 PM
What do you say to a Negro in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise..."
1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 56
Join Date: Dec 2011
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 04:55 PM
Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
A: The last one that had a dream got shot.
Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.
Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.
Last edited by Abner Leopold; 12-16-2011 at 04:56 PM.
Reason: miss spelled word.
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 05:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abner Leopold
Q: Why do negros only have nightmares?
A: The last one that had a dream got shot.
Q:Why do negros ride all slouched over in their cars?
A: They don't know the mirrors are adjustable.
Q: Why did God give mexicans a nose?
A: So they would have something to pick in the off season.
|
I fail to see what these "jokes" have to do with being Christian.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 149
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Denmarkistan (unfortunly)
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 05:56 PM
Here is a few jokes that i think is fun, i hope they not over the line, recently i have past the line, not on pupose, but becourse i have been un aware
Quote:
An atheist scientist came to God and said, "We've figured out how to make a man without you."
God said, "OK, let me see you do it."
So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, "Oh, no you don't. Get your own dirt!"
|
Quote:
A poster read: "God is dead" - Nietzche.
The graffiti underneath read: "Nietzche is dead" - God.
|
Quote:
The pastor was looking over the crèche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.
We walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"
The boy answered honestly, "In the church."
"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.
"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas. I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."
|
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 07:13 PM
This one goes back a few years. One Sunday morning, the Devil appeared at a church service being led by our very own Rev. Jim Osborne. Everyone fled from the church in terror except the good reverend, who simply stood his ground on the pulpit and smiled. When the Devil asked why he wasn't scared, too, Rev. Jim answered, "I've been married to your sister for the last five years, and she's far scarier than you are."
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 56
Join Date: Dec 2011
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 07:21 PM
Sorry. Rev. Rodimer, I stand corrected, they don't have anything to do with being Christian, I guess I misunderstood the thread. I just thought it was for jokes with no curse words in them. Please forgive the ignorance on my part, I. will read threads more literally from now on. Thanks for your constructive feedback.
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 08:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abner Leopold
Sorry. Rev. Rodimer, I stand corrected, they don't have anything to do with being Christian, I guess I misunderstood the thread. I just thought it was for jokes with no curse words in them. Please forgive the ignorance on my part, I. will read threads more literally from now on. Thanks for your constructive feedback.
|
I'm sure you can find some great Christian jokes, right?
(For examples, look at the last couple of posts here. Funny!)
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 56
Join Date: Dec 2011
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-16-2011, 09:53 PM
Of course I can Rev. Rodimer. But I won't look at you many of the previous posts, as many of them have nothing to do with being a Christian either. That is what led me astray in the first place was reading some if the previous post's. However I will have plenty of time to think of think of some food ones, while my wife cooks dinner, makes cookies, does laundry & washes the dishes, also watching & taking care of the children, so I can relax & rest my aching body.
|
|
Christ's Battle Axe
|
|
Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-30-2011, 01:57 AM
How is a dirty Christian like a clean Jew?
They both need a shower!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 226
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Zürich, Sweden, chewing blubber
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-04-2012, 02:36 AM
Why isn't there any Christians in Japan?
- Because they have no Seoul
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-04-2012, 03:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swedish eskimo
Why isn't there any Christians in Japan?
- Because they have no Seoul
|
You can say that again.
...It's not for lack of effort on my part....
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 717
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Somebody's couch
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-25-2012, 08:04 PM
Q: What does a muslim schoolgirl on acid look like?
A: THIS.
Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2: One to catch the schoolgirl, and one to set her face on fire.
Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a camel.
Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: What's toilet paper?
Q: What do Muslim men like the most about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
A: There are twenty of them.
A Muslim man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
|
|
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
|
|
Posts: 22,741
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-25-2012, 09:44 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
It's a lake with a slope!
|
|
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
|
|
Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-27-2012, 01:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.
Q: What does a muslim schoolgirl on acid look like?
A: THIS.
|
Good start:
Q. How do muslims drop acid?
A: On a schoolgirl's face.
Q. What have Muslims invented in the last 800 years?
A: The perfect zit-remover...
Q: Why do Muslim schoolgirls smile all the time?
A: You can't frown when your lips have melted off.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 245
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: All White Neighbourhood
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-27-2012, 02:12 PM
A preacher went to visit an eldrly woman from his church who had been admitted to hospital. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.
I apologize, sister, the pastor said, I notice now that I ate all of your peanuts.
- That's okay pastor, I already sucked all the chocolate off of them, the woman replied.
Matt 5:17-20 "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven:..."
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 226
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Zürich, Sweden, chewing blubber
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-27-2012, 02:53 PM
Stupid Californians, they dont even know what America is
|
|
Ring-kissing Papist dog
|
|
Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-01-2012, 11:20 AM
Zeke and Bobby-Joe walk into a notorious gay leather club and the bartender asks...
..."The usual?"
Bless you, my mirthless miscreants,
Father Mo
.
A Cardinal in the making.
|
|
Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
|
|
Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
04-01-2012, 12:12 PM
A priest is taking a young naive fresh faced young alter boy into the deep dark woods behind the abbatoir.
The boy starts to cry and says that he wants his mummy and the deep dark woods are scaring him.
The Priest replies: "You think your scared? I've got to come back on my own".
YIC
Posted via Mobile Device
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|