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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 04:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I know what you're talking about. The whole water into wine thing, I know. Any skilled magician can perform that trick.
But, my apologies, when I thought you meant 'invented', not 'made'. It's friday afternoon, I'm tired and have a migraine.

But it still doesn't change the fact that bourbon is not the same as wine. Wine is made from crushed grapes. Bourbon is made from corn mash. Saying that the two are the same is like saying that ketchup and mayonnaise are the same.
Praise Jesus! Once again He has seen fit to smite you with a painful migrane. Perhaps if you spent less time mocking Jesus He might go easier on you, harlot.

Every country and culture has its own version of wine. The greasy Italians and homer french have ruined grape wine for us all. So Jesus currently prefers the American version. Praise His Sweet Blood.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 05:09 AM

You can't change the facts. In order for it to actually be considered wine, it needs to be made from grapes. Bourbon is not, and cannot be considered wine. Nothing can change that!



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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 05:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You can't change the facts. In order for it to actually be considered wine, it needs to be made from grapes. Bourbon is not, and cannot be considered wine. Nothing can change that!
Mrs Van Spitbottle, let me assure you that the definition for 'wine' is just as flexible as the definition for 'The Constitution of the United States of America'.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 05:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Actually Sister, I was talking about your girls.
Pastor, I do hope I misunderstand, and you're not talking about BTB's Double-Ds. Hopefully, she has daughters?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You can't change the facts. In order for it to actually be considered wine, it needs to be made from grapes. Bourbon is not, and cannot be considered wine. Nothing can change that!
I must agree with the heathen. Wine's wine. Brandy is concentrated wine. Bourbon is neither wine nor concentrated wine.
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 05:39 AM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Pastor, I do hope I misunderstand, and you're not talking about BTB's Double-Ds. Hopefully, she has daughters?

DAUGHTERS! Yes, of course! Her daughters! But....ummmm Sister Thumper isn't old enough to have children is she?


I must agree with the heathen. Wine's wine. Brandy is concentrated wine. Bourbon is neither wine nor concentrated wine.
I must assign you a hundred new demerits for agreeing with a Heathen!


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"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 05:51 AM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
I must agree with the heathen. Wine's wine. Brandy is concentrated wine. Bourbon is neither wine nor concentrated wine.
Exactly my point. Glad at least one person can see it!

Quote:
I must assign you a hundred new demerits for agreeing with a Heathen!
That's a little mean, Pastor Al. It was a perfectly valid point!



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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 06:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Exactly my point. Glad at least one person can see it!


That's a little mean, Pastor Al. It was a perfectly valid point!
And if you scroll to the beginning of the thread, you'll see SHE was agreeing with ME.
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 06:31 AM

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Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
And if you scroll to the beginning of the thread, you'll see SHE was agreeing with ME.
And another hundred for doing SOMETHING! I'm not sure what, but you should know better!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 12:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You can't change the facts. In order for it to actually be considered wine, it needs to be made from grapes. Bourbon is not, and cannot be considered wine. Nothing can change that!
Typical atheist doublespeak. When the facts don't fit, make things up and insist your'e right.

Jap wine is made from rice. It's called Sake. Ever heard of apple wine? Dandelion wine? In Greece they make godawful swill out of pine needles called Retsina. No grapes. In Georgia they make peach wine. In California they make strawberry wine. No grapes.

So shut up, you empty-headed female. Go fetch me a sandwich!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 12:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
And another hundred for doing SOMETHING! I'm not sure what, but you should know better!
You seem a little on edge, dear Pastor. Here's something that might make you feel better
http://www.drugstore.com/qxp77758_33...r_capsules.htm



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 03:15 PM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I cannot refute the Godly Pastor Ezekiel's comments, so I am changing the subject in a vain attempt to draw attention away from the fact that I have just been OWNED by the power of Christ.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 03:49 PM

I hear that the Canucks make their wine from maypole syrup!! Ugh! I bet it freezes and sticks to the glass because it's sooooo cold up there!
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-08-2006, 11:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
... Bourbon is just American wine.
Much like "Stay The Coarse" and 'Well Clinton lied to Congress!"?


The most famous American Jewish wine is "I wanna go to Myyammy."

The best known Baptist wine is "We need more money from you right away!"


We Catholics appreciate wine both as a ceremonial element and as a normal part of a well balanced diet. Red is best of course. Jesus didn't have white blood...at least according to Mel Gibson.





Bless you, my bumpkin non-oenophiles.
Father Mo


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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 06:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Our Lord Jesus didn't INVENT wine, but he DID MAKE it.
You know, Pastor Al, something came to my mind thinking about this. The bible talks about how jesus made water into wine, but never once how he made wine into water.
Now it seems that the bible seems to talk about him drinking wine a lot, but if he never made water out of wine, only one logical conclusion can be drawn.

The bible is trying to say that jesus never took a whiz. (or urinated for the more politically correct)
*snicker*



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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 07:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
You know, Pastor Al, something came to my mind thinking about this. The bible talks about how jesus made water into wine, but never once how he made wine into water.
Now it seems that the bible seems to talk about him drinking wine a lot, but if he never made water out of wine, only one logical conclusion can be drawn.

The bible is trying to say that jesus never took a whiz. (or urinated for the more politically correct)
*snicker*
YOU TART! JESUS WHIZZED PRODIGIOUSLY, ALL OVER PALESTINE! I will ban you forever if you ever dare say that He didn't!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 07:58 AM

But Pastor Al, does the bible mention jesus whizzing? It doesn't seem to, but by saying that he never turned wine into water suggests...well.....the alternative.

If you can find a bible passage that quotes jesus whizzing, by all means post it and prove me wrong.



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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 08:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
But Pastor Al, does the bible mention jesus whizzing? It doesn't seem to, but by saying that he never turned wine into water suggests...well.....the alternative.

If you can find a bible passage that quotes jesus whizzing, by all means post it and prove me wrong.
MAY GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL! Of course JESUS WHIZZED! EVERYWHERE HE DID THERE IS A GODLY TREE, even unto this day!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 08:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
MAY GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL! Of course JESUS WHIZZED! EVERYWHERE HE DID THERE IS A GODLY TREE, even unto this day!
Soooo......in other words, the bible doesn't say even once that he whizzed, does it?



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Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 08:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Soooo......in other words, the bible doesn't say even once that he whizzed, does it?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS THE BOWEL MOVEMENTS OF OUR LORD JESUS, YOU SICK HARLOT?


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? - 12-09-2006, 08:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS THE BOWEL MOVEMENTS OF OUR LORD JESUS, YOU SICK HARLOT?
What bowel movements? Pastor Al, the bible never specifies that any such movements ever took place.
*snicker*



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