Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Posts: 3
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Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 05:18 PM
I have only recently began visiting this site, and your message is so uplifting! I have taken some of your quizzes and have been surprised at the extent of my own bible knowledge (10/10 on the who goes to heaven/who goes to hell quiz!)
My question is this: I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 06:05 PM
Dear friend:
As long as you have not committed the unpardonable sin, it is not too late for you. Your hellish past means that you have some catching up to do, but Jesus can help you with that. Praise!
If you are sincere in your desire to repent, believe in Our Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, follow every word in the Holy King James Bible (not just the parts that fluffy-bunny liberal "pastors" like to preach from the pulpit), and set up a tithing schedule with one of our Godly pastors, then you are welcome to study our ways and start on the road to becoming a True Christian™.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Professor of English Landover University
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,501
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ministering to the Liebral Godless of New Zealand
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 06:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kargok
I have only recently began visiting this site, and your message is so uplifting! I have taken some of your quizzes and have been surprised at the extent of my own bible knowledge (10/10 on the who goes to heaven/who goes to hell quiz!)
My question is this: I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?
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With the Lord, friend, all things are possible. Here at Landover we have seen the most wretched and loathsome sinners come to the Lord. Of course for some it is more difficult than others. It requires that you repent, accept the Lord Jesus as your Saviour, and tithe to Landover. You are a white American citizen? You do believe in the freedom for all citizens to carry firearms, and have never voted demoncrat, I hope?
It will take some time, and for someone who has been steeped in sin the way you have, extra fasting, prayer, and tithing may be necessary.
Just keep coming to church and the Pastors will pray about you and eventually receive a vision from Jesus about whether you should or should not be formerly accepted into the ranks of the anointed, and become one of the elect -- a Landover Baptist True Christian™ the only way to Salvation®.
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Rock Worshipper
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Posts: 1,083
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Flat Rock, MN
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 06:21 PM
I am a sinner and a pagan as well, but I find that tithing gives me a great joy and my heart and increased sexual arousal.
You should start a tithing program immediately and then start studying this "bible" they talk about. I was satisfied with the effects of hitting the paypal button.
I am on the adventure of a lifetime! This is even better than the time I used the plastic stones!
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Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
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Posts: 844
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Location: ...
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 08:35 PM
Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 08:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.
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Now, now! Don't get in the way of someone who has found TRUE CHRISTIANITY™ and wants to tithe!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 09:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.
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I may not be a True Christian yet, but I can still recognize the words of Satan when I see them! You won't stop me from being saved!
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-16-2006, 10:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Finder
I am a sinner and a pagan as well, but I find that tithing gives me a great joy and my heart and increased sexual arousal.
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That is wrong on so many levels, Star-Finder.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-17-2006, 12:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kargok
I may not be a True Christian yet, but I can still recognize the words of Satan when I see them! You won't stop me from being saved!
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Praise Jesus, you are on the right path now. You will find that our Godly forum is sometimes invaded by unsaved scum. PAY THEM NO HEED!
"If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die." -- Dt.13:6-10
These heathens and God mockers are going to wake up in a lake of fire one day soon. Since you have stated that you wish to avoid the same fate, you would do well to study the Holy Bible and read through these threads.
Perhaps you could introduce yourself in the "introduction forum" in more detail. I would be interested in hearing the details of your depraved, sinful past, as well as how you obtained that demonic-sounding name.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-17-2006, 01:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
Don't listen to them. Believe what you want to believe, do what you want to do. No one will shoot firebolts from the sky if you wear the wrong clothes or eat the wrong things.
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Try telling that to the Iraqis. Or the Afghans. Or any other uncivilised heathens who have felt the wrath of the Godly USAF.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Is it too late for me? -
11-17-2006, 01:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kargok
I would like to start following your teachings more closely, but I have spent years going to public schools, wearing unchristian clothing, eating unchristian foods, and even listening to unchristian music! Is it too late for me to learn your ways and become a true Christian?
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Friend; there is no need for you to be emabarrassed by your sins. Nothing is too big for our Saviour to handle.
Trust me, once you feel the love and compassion of Sweet Baby Jesus flowing thru your veins; you will no longer consider an eight ball and a hooker as a form of entertainment. Godspeed friend.
Dean
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