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Default God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-19-2012, 09:03 PM

Many people, mainly atheists and Catholics, say God has no sense of humor.

"Well," I always say to them, "if we are made in His Image, why do we have a sense of humor?"

And what of, "Proverb:1:26: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;"?

Quote:
BOILING SPRINGS, N.C. — A student at Gardner-Webb University has died after she collapsed in class on her 21st birthday.

A spokesman says Ariane Noelle Patterson was in a religion class at the Boiling Springs school when she collapsed Tuesday afternoon.

Patterson tweeted that day, “Thank you God for another year of life.”

Spokesman Noel Manning says Patterson's cause of death is under investigation. He says the school is investigating whether Patterson had previous health problems.

Manning says an emergency medical technician who is a student in the class and nurses helped with CPR until an ambulance arrived.
Patterson died at Cleveland Regional Medical Center in Shelby.

She was a senior majoring in religious studies and went to high school in Rutherford County.
Well, let me tell you that the correct way to speak unto The Lord of Hosts, God Almighty, Father of The Universe, is

M't:6:6: But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee

Not on Twitter.

This girl was clearly an atheist who had snuck into class to find out where the soft underbelly of True Christianity lies. God saw this and smote her with a great smittance.

So die all enemies of God.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-19-2012, 10:41 PM

Thank you for this report, Brother Bathfire.

One wonders, will they ever learn?


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-19-2012, 11:57 PM

I can plainly see how God could get more that a little upset with belatedness of her prayer, much less using the venue of "twitter" to dispatch it rather than her prayer closet. A more appropriate birthday prayer might be the following:

"Sweet Baby Jesus, in your infinite mercy I pray you to grant me another year of life to bask in your Holy Grace and live according to your Holy Word. Amen."


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 12:01 AM

Was it an irony shovel or an irony crowbar?
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 03:35 AM

Ha! That's pretty funny. A True Christian™ female has no need of a university education.

God creates us women to be helpmeets, not preachers, or mathematicians, or geologists. University is not where someone learns how to take care of a quiver full of sons.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 04:57 AM

Glory! God only knows how many people the little whore tried to spread her perverted sense of Christianity to.

"Hey I'm gonna outsmart God, get a degree and own a house one day find a man who cooks for me and does everything for me."

Truly pathetic, but it just goes to show what happens to people who try to outsmart God. Reminds me of all the tards in Genesis 11 who tried to build that silly tower of Babel.

More room for us in Heaven right?
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 09:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Was it an irony shovel or an irony crowbar?
It was an irony gun. God loves guns. That's why he gave us the Second Ammendment.


1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!
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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 10:33 AM

I saw the title of this thread and feared for a moment that Paula Deen had already succumbed to her type 2 diabetes!


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Default Re: God Kills Woman with Irony! - 01-20-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
much less using the venue of "twitter"
I tend to agree Brother. As God clearly does have a sense of humor, I'd imagine He already created His own service called "Smither", writing "smithes" like:

"@ariane: Ooooh, off you go dear! ROFL! ". (yes, Smither supports smileys).

Obviously, I don't know this for sure.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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