It's true that Sarah Palin may be a little shaky in the "sanity" department, but she's been a useful tool in our anti-Obama hate campaign. Plus she's done a heck of a job extracting cash out of her worshippers, a trait I have to admire. Anyway, we do worry that she's too much of a wildcard to be president, especially now that she's doing through menopause - one day she wants to drop nukes on wolves, next day she wants to save the gay whales.
But before we dump her on the ash-heap of history, we still plan to use her in our anti-global warming campaign. So I'm excited that our subsidiary Discovery Channel recently signed her up for a new reality show,
Sarah Palin's Alaska. We plan to show all these beautiful photos of America's largest state with fjords, mountains, glaciers and forests, while Sarah reads all these green environmental drivel off the teleprompter. As the sponsor of the program, Uranus Corporation will come off looking like this caring, sharing, environmentally conscious company.
We'll have the public believing our corporate executives are granola-eating environmentalists. That's just the warm fuzzy image we need to project while we push full speed ahead with drill-baby-drill, our nuclear waste dump, logging, mining and sales of polar bear fur coats (might as well harvest their fur now, since they'll be all gone soon when the arctic ice cap melts).
Sarah Palin's Alaska
If by some accident, Sarah does become president in 2012, we can probably still work with her. If not, there's always the possibility of a little airplane "accident" like the one we arranged for that
uppity Pollack and his entire military staff.
Uppity no more
Looks like we'll be getting the "go ahead" for that new missile base near Warsaw that my company has been contracted to build. And since the head of Poland's Central Bank was on board the aircraft, I think that little investigation into the credit default swaps we sold to Poland will come to a swift end.