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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-11-2013, 06:55 PM
I have taken precautions to avoid such a disgrace, but never-the-less satan has managed to worm his way into my wife's nether-region. And this in spite of fervent prayer, use of the thrice blessed gunny sack, lovingly applied kidney punches, etc.
It began during an especially vigorous seeding session. I was determined and driven by the Holy Spirit to implant another son within her belly. As I approached arrival, I was suddenly distracted by a series of low grunts, punctuated by a high pitched shriek. In utter disgust, I withdrew before the demon within her could sink its fangs into my manhood. What occured next will haunt me forever.
Satan took his parting shot and delivered a devestating sucker punch to the prostate, forcing my seed to spill upon the sheets, and sending billions off unborn babies directly into the lake of fire...
Being too mentally and physically exhausted to beat the devil out of the woman, I decided to leave her confined in the gunny sack for the night, so she could pray for forgiveness without distraction.
Unable to fall asleep, partly because of the thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, and partly because of the incessant screaming, I sought solice through self deception...maybe those unGodly grunts and groans were born of discomfort,or maybe even pain. A smile spread across my face and I was soon sleeping like an infant...
However, the next morining my woes were renewed. Despite her meditatons within the blessed gunny sack, she arose with a twinkle in her eyes and a lilt in her step. She seemed less nervous, less on edge...never a good thing.
Brothers, I need your guidance and prayers, please help me! If this happens again, I'll have to stone her!
Yours in Christ,
WH
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-11-2013, 07:04 PM
Brother,
This is a certain woman in Des Moinse I hire to deal with my female house staff when they have a demon upon them like you seem to describe. I caution against you directly correcting your wife because in her sinful state she may sink into depravity so it's best another woman disciplines her. I can send the contact information on for Ms Robin. if you do contact her be away she does dress in an unconventional fashion, but that is only to put sinners on notice.
I hope this helps
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-11-2013, 07:48 PM
I would suggest aversion therapy.
Get some apomorphine from your locale vet and give this to your wife just before you start with sex. You need to be quick because in about 5 minutes she will be agony with the cramps and the vomiting.
After you have done this 10 or 20 times she will have gone so off recreational sex that you will practically have to force her; I found this would speed the whole process along nicely and you would have extra time to vacate the room before she fouls herself.
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-11-2013, 10:16 PM
If she's enjoying it you are obviously taking too much time. Get it done as quickly as possible.
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-12-2013, 01:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles
I would suggest aversion therapy.
Get some apomorphine from your locale vet and give this to your wife just before you start with sex. You need to be quick because in about 5 minutes she will be agony with the cramps and the vomiting.
After you have done this 10 or 20 times she will have gone so off recreational sex that you will practically have to force her; I found this would speed the whole process along nicely and you would have extra time to vacate the room before she fouls herself.
YIC
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That sounds like a good idea...I do have some rupinol that I confiscated from a homer date-rapist during my days as a youth councellor. Do you know if it works on women?
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-12-2013, 03:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly
If she's enjoying it you are obviously taking too much time. Get it done as quickly as possible.
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Amen Brother Godfly, taking too much time at these activities only feeds the devil's workshop of female fantasy. I would only add that every True Christian™ husband should do a thorough inspection of any magazines lying around the house and make sure that any subscriptions to Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, and anything by Oprah (including her television shows) be banned.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 10
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Hawaii
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-26-2013, 09:28 PM
Why are even fornicating? God says your body IS NOT for fornication.
1 corinthians 16:13 and 1 corinthians 16:15
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
02-26-2013, 09:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uss_Columbia_SSN771
Why are even fornicating? God says your body IS NOT for fornication.
1 corinthians 16:13 and 1 corinthians 16:15
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You can't fornicate with your wife!
YiC,
Zech
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Confirmed Enemy of God Died in a car accident, forgot to change his car tyres
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 51
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 01:45 AM
Hey buddy, we all been there! I know it not fun when you can't please your wife!
You stick with me buddy, I got powdered rhinoceros horn! Shhhh! Very hush, hush! Loose lips sink ships, right buddy?
I sell you small vial for $300. Normally $350, but I give you deal! One pinch of rhino powder and you can keep it up for days!
I 73 years old! Works like a charm every time!
You send me your number, buddy, I take care of you!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 206
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: In the fold of Saved Souls.
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 12:44 PM
Give her more chores to do! That will suck the demon of lust right out of her.
I Samuel 20:4
"Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee."
This is not a reference of a homosexual relationship but a friendship of depth and platonic commitment! Why must liiebrals always make everything sound so DIRTY!?
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 05:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer
I have taken precautions to avoid such a disgrace, but never-the-less satan has managed to worm his way into my wife's nether-region. And this in spite of fervent prayer, use of the thrice blessed gunny sack, lovingly applied kidney punches, etc.
It began during an especially vigorous seeding session. I was determined and driven by the Holy Spirit to implant another son within her belly. As I approached arrival, I was suddenly distracted by a series of low grunts, punctuated by a high pitched shriek. In utter disgust, I withdrew before the demon within her could sink its fangs into my manhood. What occured next will haunt me forever.
Satan took his parting shot and delivered a devestating sucker punch to the prostate, forcing my seed to spill upon the sheets, and sending billions off unborn babies directly into the lake of fire...
Being too mentally and physically exhausted to beat the devil out of the woman, I decided to leave her confined in the gunny sack for the night, so she could pray for forgiveness without distraction.
Unable to fall asleep, partly because of the thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, and partly because of the incessant screaming, I sought solice through self deception...maybe those unGodly grunts and groans were born of discomfort,or maybe even pain. A smile spread across my face and I was soon sleeping like an infant...
However, the next morining my woes were renewed. Despite her meditatons within the blessed gunny sack, she arose with a twinkle in her eyes and a lilt in her step. She seemed less nervous, less on edge...never a good thing.
Brothers, I need your guidance and prayers, please help me! If this happens again, I'll have to stone her!
Yours in Christ,
WH
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Dear Sir,
I know that I am overstepping my boundaries by a) reading and posting on this forum and b) giving an advice to a True Christian™ Man, however, you seem truly concerned about this issue. Have you thought about female circumcision? Although I don't think it is mentioned in the Bible, it is a simple solution that will make it impossible for your wife to feel any pleasure during the act of procreation.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 05:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
...I know that I am overstepping my boundaries by a) reading and posting on this forum and b) giving an advice to a True Christian™ Man...
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Yet, you went ahead and did it anyway. Are you starting to enjoy the "corrections" your husband gives you?
Quote:
...Have you thought about female circumcision? Although I don't think it is mentioned in the Bible...
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No, it's not. Are you sure you've read it?
Quote:
...it is a simple solution that will make it impossible for your wife to feel any pleasure during the act of procreation.
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You mean you've never found your Grafenberg spot? Is your husband hung like a mouse?
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 05:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
Yet, you went ahead and did it anyway. Are you starting to enjoy the "corrections" your husband gives you?
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And here I am again Didymus, I haven't found a Christian Man who would stand my yapping (I'm afraid that the only solution will be to cut out my tongue; Matthew 18:8-9). In the meantime, I'm following Mary's example (Luke 10:42; see also I Corinthians 7:34)
Quote:
No, it's not. Are you sure you've read it?
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I did and never found anything about it, but as a feeble woman how can I be sure?
I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what in the world are you talking about! Whatever it is, it's probably disgusting. That's exactly why women should not come to men's forum! I'm out of here!
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-25-2013, 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
And here I am again Didymus, I haven't found a Christian Man who would stand my yapping (I'm afraid that the only solution will be to cut out my tongue; Matthew 18:8-9)...
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There is another Biblical solution: Deuteronomy 22:28-29. Then he would have no choice (if he gets caught), you being an incessant yapper or not.
Quote:
...I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what in the world are you talking about!...
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I'd be glad to help you understand. Do you have something smooth, non-porous, cylindrical with one rounded end, about 1" in diameter, at least 4-5" long, and a high resolution webcam?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 12
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: on my knees for some hairy stranger
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-28-2013, 02:27 AM
you earn happiness by living life to its fullest. You live life to the fullest by having tons of sex for fun
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,264
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-28-2013, 02:28 AM
Why is this idiot being allowed to bounce around our Holy Forum? He's obviously not here to talk about God.
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-28-2013, 02:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GAY AND SINFUL
You live life to the fullest by having tons of sex for fun
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Perhaps gay homo-rectal sex is fun for the moment. I also once chose to be a queer. God had a plan for me though. To save other sissies from His wrath.
Here is just a sample of what you can look forward to as long as you choose to pack mud.
Quote:
Anal Cancer
Chlamydia trachomatis
Cryptosporidium
Giardia lamblia
Herpes simplex virus
Human immunodeficiency virus
Human papilloma virus
Isospora belli
Microsporidia
Gonorrhea
Viral hepatitis types B & C
Syphilis25
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Does any of this sound like fun, young man? Will you let Jesus Christ inside you tonight?
In Him
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
03-28-2013, 02:53 AM
I don't really see what the problem is here. If a woman enjoys doing her chores, those chores are more likely to get done without you having to show her the back of your hand!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 49
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In a cave with my coven
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
04-23-2014, 03:09 AM
I believe this 'demon' is what scientists call an orgasm.
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! -
04-23-2014, 03:19 AM
Does your father know you talk like that?
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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