Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-05-2012, 12:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackson Do Good
While I do know of some atrocious stories posted online, of people putting animals and infants in microwaves for the sole point of suffering, does this mean that the machine, an inanimate object, is the culprit?
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Think of it this way, friend: If these "The Microwave Oven" things didn't exist, people wouldn't be able to put animals and infants inside them, and burn them to death.
Therefore, when we take "The Microwave Oven" Factor out of the equation, we have safe and un-burned-to-death animals and infants.
Think of it this was -
Microwave Oven = Dead animals and infants
NO Microwave Oven = Safe alive un-Microwaved animals and infants
So we can safely say that the common deniminator here for dead animals and infants is "The Microwave Oven", because if it didn't exist, these microwaved-murders would have never taken place, therefore "The Microwave Oven" is RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE MURDERS!
Case and Point, buddy.
END OF DEBATE!
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-07-2012, 05:38 PM
Your point is rather idiotic, in fact, Brother Percy. To say that, is to say that a plastic bag, designed to carry groceries, is responsible to the deaths it has caused in the hands of murderous individuals. Those that have been killed in a microwave, would have been killed in another way, had the microwave not been invented. Those that wish to do harm unto others, will always find a way to do harm. The bow and arrow, originally something intended to be used to hunt animals for food, became a weapon of war. TNT, made so that man could build tunnels faster, became a weapon of war. That thread used to make your clothes, became a weapon when a man came up with the idea of the garotte. These are just objects, with with MAN has decided to make use of for their murderous intentions. Guns don't kill people on their own, it has to have the trigger pulled by a MAN. A microwave doesn't swallow babies and small animals of its own accord, a person puts said living being inside of it, then proceeds to push the buttons for it to engage.
The mind thinks as it will, and finds ways to act out these thoughts, no matter what is available. No tools of any sort with with to kill? They use their hands and feet. It's called logic, and it works both ways, unfortunately.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-09-2012, 07:37 AM
Well, sir, I'm disappointed in you. Your illogical leaps from something as useful as a gun to something without a purpose like a microwave oven. I mean, the manufacturers are even honest and open about the fact that the oven uses radiation to cook your food.
Why is radiation in Tsernobyl so bad, and in your kitchen it would be harmless?
How stupid do they believe us to be?
John 20:27: Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-09-2012, 05:26 PM
Well I am very new to all this and am trying very hard to follow the One true path. I have thrown out my microwave and will tell my wife to cook properly for me from now on, what other kitchen appliances should I beware of?
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True Christian™
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-20-2012, 07:07 AM
Just further proof that the Microwave Oven (and cell phone) is a tool used by Gothics, Satanists and Democrats to conjure beings of utter demonic terror.
Acts 19:19-20
19 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. 20 So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed.
I'm curious as to whether I should burn my microwave as I would a book of necromancy, or merely try to destroy it and the demons that dwell within. I'm at somewhat of an impasse.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-20-2012, 02:12 PM
Another demonic practice involving microwave ovens: people use them to heat up fruits and vegetables which are subsequently introduced into the anus with prurient intent.
Also, I'll bet Hitler would have used microwave ovens in Auschwitz, had they existed.
And it is possible, however unlikely, to have sexual relations with a microwave oven. So there is no doubt that someone out there is losing his or her eternal salvation, humping a microwave oven as we speak.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-20-2012, 09:01 PM
Further proof that microwave ovens are evil:
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
02-27-2012, 03:43 AM
Wow! Thank you for this eye-opening thread! I am throwing out my microwave today! I can't believe my son tricked me into buying it. He must be a devil worshiper.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
08-04-2014, 03:58 AM
Perhaps the 'microwave ovens' are actually portals to Hell! They cook food so quickly, even make some explode, and yet are cool to the touch. Hellfire cooks the food. I exorcised mine with my bible and it stopped outright, but a few days later more demons had come through the portal and resided in my microwave. I have gotten rid of it in the same way as all my candles: 'gifting' it to my neighbors. Those neighbors are all on the path to being fuel to that fire that used to heat my leftovers. My home is now more pure, and I can sleep easier knowing another portal to hell is out of my house. Praise Jesus and pray he can save us from whatever the next trap or pitfall straight to Hell may be.
Will not be sent to Hell, and proud of it!
Last edited by Daniel G; 08-04-2014 at 04:00 AM.
Reason: Clarification
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Christ's Battle Axe
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
08-04-2014, 02:52 PM
This device allows women to spend less time in the kitchen and more time thinking and doing God knows what else. The decision to bring one into a Christian home should be very carefully considered.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
08-05-2014, 04:06 PM
The Illuminati invented microwaves and sell their convenient ready meals as a way to prepare our bodies for demonic possession. At the time of Rapture all those whom gluttonously feasted upon McCains oven chips, Birdseye micro curries and Rustlers burgers will be bound by the specter of Satan to take control of the earth in time for their dark lords arrival.
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
08-06-2014, 02:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezee
The Illuminati invented microwaves and sell their convenient ready meals as a way to prepare our bodies for demonic possession. At the time of Rapture all those whom gluttonously feasted upon McCains oven chips, Birdseye micro curries and Rustlers burgers will be bound by the specter of Satan to take control of the earth in time for their dark lords arrival.
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It won't be funny when Satan warms his Hot Pocket in your oven, Godmocker.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
09-07-2016, 07:36 AM
The thing is you can use the waves for multiple purposes!
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Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz" True Christian™
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
09-08-2016, 12:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpablate
The thing is you can use the waves for multiple purposes!
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But all of them are evil, aren't they?
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Re: The Microwave Oven - A Tool Of Satan! -
09-09-2016, 06:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpablate
The thing is you can use the waves for multiple purposes!
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Hello cpablate,
You can use your keyboard for multiple purposes too: Like introducing yourself here.
Roland
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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