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Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
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Posts: 283
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Amsterdam
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Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-12-2011, 10:11 AM
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-12-2011, 10:30 AM
Some of the genuine signs that you're a True Christian™: - You know that you're saved!
- You are not a drug-addled Netherregionsish whore like Ditch Girl, and if you were, you've repented.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
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Posts: 5,720
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Surrounded by feral eskimos.
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-12-2011, 11:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
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Followers of Allah are just violent and insane. God has a good reason for everything he does, even if we don't see it.
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,175
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 01:43 AM
We probably just needed one reason to know Dutch Girl is going to hell.
Now, we have ten.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
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Posts: 283
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Amsterdam
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 01:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
We probably just needed one reason to know Dutch Girl is going to hell. Now, we have ten.
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Hell does not exist so I am having fun each and every day while you are wasting your life being afraid of a lie! 
Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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True Christian™ Televangelist
Director of Fundraising and Tithing
On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,727
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 04:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
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That's because all those gods are f ictional, make-believe tooth fairies while ours is the real deal. There can only be one God...why would we believe all these others exist?
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9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
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Not just dirt, but also by the breath of God. Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
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8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
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It's still ONE God...three persons. You know how like water has different states (liquid, steam, ice). Same substance, different forms.
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7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
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There's nothing nherently wrong in slaughtering innocents. It's either good or bad depending on whether God says it's okay. So, in the Bible, God gives the green light to kill babies, then it's fine. But when the Muslims do it, they are doing to to serve Satan, therefore it's an atrocity. See the difference?
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6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
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That doesn't sound crazy to me. If that's what the Bible says, then it's the truth. Isn't it better than believing the even kookier notion that somehow mud came to life and turned into bacteria which turned into dinosaurs which turned into a fish which turned into monkeys and became us?
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5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
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It wasn't the tribesmen that came up with the dates on their own. They were directly inspired by God. So, the scientific knowledge comes from God. Wouldn't you admit that God knows more about science (after all, He invented it) than a human scientist?
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4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
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WHOA...who ever said we are tolerant? No one here is claiming that. This is a complete fabrication.
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3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
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Getting desperate here are we? That doesn't even apply to us. We're not some pentacostal cult if that's what you think. Again, another lie.
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2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
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Utter nonsense. Will you please cut the crap? Quit making up lies to discredit us. Landover Baptist University did several studies on the efficacy of prayer and found a 50% success rate. That's pretty good if you ask me.
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1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
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Have you even read this site? Atheists get schooled by us True Christians™ 24/7. Just like you now, whore. 
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 10:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
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God tells us about the happiness to be found in smashing babies against rocks,
when there is virtue in ripping open pregnant bellies
AND WHEN THERE IS NOT
All acts by moon worshipping mohammedans and their dead "allah" are atrocities.
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Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 01:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
Hell does not exist
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Prove it.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 01:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
Hell does not exist |
You know that is satan's ultimate trick. I give you my word as a True Christian™ that hell is just chock full of surprised atheists like you. Jesus and I will be up in Heaven laughing at you as you are forced to service satan's huge barbed tallywacker in each of your orafices. Oh how we'll laugh!  
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"He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision." Psalm 2:4
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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
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Posts: 283
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Amsterdam
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 02:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Jesus and I will be up in Heaven laughing at you as you are forced to service satan's huge barbed tallywacker in each of your orafices.
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And you are supposed to be the good guys? 
Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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Geriatric Gadfly
Forum Member
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Posts: 90
Join Date: Feb 2008
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 02:09 PM
Hello. I'm a good guy.
I was almost paraded down the streets of Brussels in grateful appreciation.
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Undercover Modstandsbevægelsen
Forum Member
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Posts: 104
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Denmark (alt. spelling: cesspool)
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
And you are supposed to be the good guys? |
You don't necessarily have to be good to be right...
Deuteronomy 2:7
For the LORD thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the LORD thy God hath been with thee; thou hast lacked nothing.
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Undercover Modstandsbevægelsen
Forum Member
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Posts: 104
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Denmark (alt. spelling: cesspool)
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 02:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
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And btw... are trees really an ethnic group? 
Deuteronomy 2:7
For the LORD thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the LORD thy God hath been with thee; thou hast lacked nothing.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 38
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Where Evil Maybe Lurking
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 08:43 PM
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
A high success rate considering most prayers are the desperate bleatings of the damned! I believe if you discount the prayer rants of the unsaved ( approx. 99.9 % ), you'll discover that God answers most all True Christian's prayers. 
Rev 19:11 And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-14-2011, 11:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TravisDK
And btw... are trees really an ethnic group? |
As much as "women" and "children"...
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 15
Join Date: Apr 2011
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-15-2011, 02:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
You know that is satan's ultimate trick. I give you my word as a True Christian™ that hell is just chock full of surprised atheists like you. Jesus and I will be up in Heaven laughing at you as you are forced to service satan's huge barbed tallywacker in each of your orafices. Oh how we'll laugh! |
Thats pretty mean. I don't believe that at all.
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Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-15-2011, 03:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dutch Girl
And you are supposed to be the good guys? |
We're warning you away from such horrors, but you refuse to listen. And you are supposed to be the rational ones?
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-15-2011, 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kilogram
Thats pretty mean. I don't believe that at all.
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Satan's middle name is mean. Believe it. 
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 15
Join Date: Apr 2011
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-21-2011, 01:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Satan's middle name is mean. Believe it. |
No. What i meant was that Jesus and god don't laugh at people suffering, that is mean.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 532
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Northern Europe, land of pagans and sinners
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Re: Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian -
05-21-2011, 02:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kilogram
No. What i meant was that Jesus and god don't laugh at people suffering, that is mean.
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Oh boohoo. Sorry to break it to you Kilogram but God isn't the type of guy that is going to hold the door open for sinners and then bake them a going away cake. Also, I'm pretty sure he has a sense of humor.
Exodus 20:5-6 "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
And ishewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."
Daniel 5:16-18 "Let thy gifts be to thyself, and give thy rewards to another; yet I will read the writing unto the king, and make known to him the interpretation."
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