Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,171
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 01:37 AM
In politics, a person is always on the move. I'm required to go to various churches for various functions. It might be a new church in the Metro area or welcoming a new Pastor somewhere with Republican Party credentials.
I've noticed there is not much condemnation of sin in the churches I visit. There are lots of one-liner jokes and some inspiration about how Jesus loves us. But sinners? They get a pass.
That's why I was so encouraged by an expert telling Christians they need to be calling out sinners. Preachers need to be telling sinners their number is up. They are hell bound and worthless.
I need not remind members of LBC how lucky we are to have Pastors who go after sinners Sunday after Sunday. Sinners and Satan are on the run at Landover Baptist.
http://www.christianpost.com/news/ev...n-says-116945/
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 02:11 AM
Those evangelical 'churches' are not Christian, but faux Christian. They are in the business of making money to feather the nest of their faux pastors. They get people in there to have fun, feel good, fleece their wallets, and spread a false version of what God said. They are out to destroy Christianity.
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,171
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 03:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven
Those evangelical 'churches' are not Christian, but faux Christian. They are in the business of making money to feather the nest of their faux pastors. They get people in there to have fun, feel good, fleece their wallets, and spread a false version of what God said. They are out to destroy Christianity.
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Well said, Mother/7. Aren't we lucky to have Pastor Zeke. His sermons do not promote fun. It just so happened that last Sunday his sermon was, "Sinners, the fun is over."
It was wonderful.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 04:02 AM
I'm going to get my husband Mike to ask Pastor Zeke to do next week's sermon on the evils of masturbation and miscegenation. No evangelical church would ever preach on that! In fact, they encourage that sort of thing.
There is a young man (Young Peter, actually) who is spending all his mornings in bed masturbating over a vegetable nigress.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 05:39 AM
I knew the Evangelicals had lost their way when I heard a percentage of them were Democrats.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 08:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I knew the Evangelicals had lost their way when I heard a percentage of them were Democrats.
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Says the "man" with the rainbow avatar blaspheming my last name.
I still have an eye on you.
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 08:53 PM
Sister Naomi, I am confused and troubled by your post. What is wrong with rainbows?
As to your name, I don't believe you are God, so I don't think it's possible for me to blaspheme your name.
Whatever I have done that has given such offense, I am certainly very sorry. I just hope you can help me understand why you are upset.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 09:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Sister Naomi, I am confused and troubled by your post. What is wrong with rainbows?
As to your name, I don't believe you are God, so I don't think it's possible for me to blaspheme your name.
Whatever I have done that has given such offense, I am certainly very sorry. I just hope you can help me understand why you are upset.
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I have accepted your apology and no more consider there to be any enmity between me and thee. Why not hop a plane from Pacifica and join us for the rest of the party? There are plenty of lovely ladies and gentlemen with whom you can share food and drink (in moderation). I'll call ahead and reserve a seat at the main chapel for you if you'll come.
Won't you please?
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 09:51 PM
Thank you for your gracious offer, Sister Naomi. I don't recall hearing about a party, though. Are you posting from some Evangelical church or something?
Anyway, I would have to take a bus or train, because my lawyer still hasn't been able to get my name removed from the no-fly list.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-29-2014, 09:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you for your gracious offer, Sister Naomi. I don't recall hearing about a party, though. Are you posting from some Evangelical church or something?
Anyway, I would have to take a bus or train, because my lawyer still hasn't been able to get my name removed from the no-fly list.
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In another thread, a dear sister in Christ is posting that you are in attendance at another party at this very moment. I can send you a private jet to whisk you away to mine - I just need to know where you are. According to this dear sister, you are mocking people as some sort of comedy routine. I promise you, you'll be the guest and not the entertainer at my party - and we're raffling off a Bugatti to benefit our outreach to Niglets. You could drive that home if you win!
Your sister in JESUS, with open arms,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-30-2014, 12:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Thank you for your gracious offer, Sister Naomi. I don't recall hearing about a party, though. Are you posting from some Evangelical church or something?
Anyway, I would have to take a bus or train, because my lawyer still hasn't been able to get my name removed from the no-fly list.
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FM, It's OK, you don't need to pretend. We all loved your impersonation of that certain someone. It brought the house down.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Expert Finds Evangelical Services Too Fun. Do Not Condeme Sin. -
03-30-2014, 02:03 AM
I was backsliding.
I was backsliding, and I admit it.
I was drunk when I got the invitation, and I thought it said "Easter Beat-Off," and I was so alarmed that I went to the party with the intention of whipping it out rebuking everybody.
I am very sorry about the impersonations I did.
I have learned my lesson.
I can not handle my whiskey, and I should not drink under any circumstances.
Please forgive me.
Again.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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