HOME WELCOME! FORUMS Register FAQ Calendar
Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > The introduction forum
Reload this Page Hello there
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
God_Loving_101 God_Loving_101 is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
  
Posts: 3
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Hell, Michigan
God_Loving_101 is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Hello there - 06-26-2016, 07:18 PM
I was just setting the microwave for my sons time in the praying closet when I remembered that I need to join another church forum. So I checked and apparently I joined this forum years ago, and I guess I was very stupid. But I'm back to spread the everlasting love of god.

Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Brother Temperance's Avatar
Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 2nd class Christian Love Saved 5 Years The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Heterosexual™ Ex-Christ-Killer Public Awareness Medal Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Ex-Brit True Republican Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello there - 06-26-2016, 08:39 PM
You're not doing a great job of it so far, friend. Why not tell us about your favourite Bible verse?

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Phil Ander's Avatar
Phil Ander Phil Ander is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Christian Love Friend of Jesus True Christian™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Porn Resistant Persecuted Ex-Masturbator Eats the Most Pork Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud Team Fortress Denier Doctor True Scientist™ Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 672
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Phil Ander will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello there - 06-27-2016, 12:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by God_Loving_101 View Post
I was just setting the microwave for my sons time in the praying closet when I remembered that I need to join another church forum. So I checked and apparently I joined this forum years ago, and I guess I was very stupid. But I'm back to spread the everlasting love of god.

How old is your son? Once my son was older than 6 months I could no longer fit him in the microwave. Before then, whenever he cried, I'd give him a 10 second blast in the microwave to give him a "hell sampler" for disobedience. I know that 10 seconds is a mere slap on the wrist, but I didn't want to cook his ability to create soldiers for Christ in the future.


Future proofing Phil
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Kill_The_Jews's Avatar
Kill_The_Jews Kill_The_Jews is offline
Self-Hating Jew
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation

Homer

 
Posts: 6
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: hiding my bar mitzvah presents
Kill_The_Jews is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Kill_The_Jews is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Kill_The_Jews is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Hello there - 06-29-2016, 06:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
How old is your son? Once my son was older than 6 months I could no longer fit him in the microwave. Before then, whenever he cried, I'd give him a 10 second blast in the microwave to give him a "hell sampler" for disobedience. I know that 10 seconds is a mere slap on the wrist, but I didn't want to cook his ability to create soldiers for Christ in the future.


Future proofing Phil
Your technique of cooking children is ingenious, our Lord's delegate Hitler used the same practice to cleanse Europe of the Jewish and dumb chicken-eating ***racial slur removed by moderator***. Unfortunately the Atheist communist scum and the ignorant buck-toothed Brits stopped our Lord's delegate. The Holocaust was merely a guise to justify stopping Hitler from helping the world. Look at the results today - Jewish children allowed to live in God'a world, ***racial slur removed by moderator*** making America terrible and in need to be sent to death camps, and disabled children who were born that way with no way to control it allowed to evenI've one second. We must take God's advice and purge these heretics.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Mary Etheldreda's Avatar
Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
Gushing for Jesus
 

Protected by JESUS Christian Love Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Cleanest Kitchen Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Persecuted Pro-Life Most Obedient Friend of Jesus True Christian Homemaker True Christian Beauty 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College True Republican Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Quiverful Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Super Soaker Baptism Award 3rd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Christian Lady Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Tomato Staker Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Hatchet Child Rearing Award 4th Year Bible College Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion Babysitter Stamp of Approval Home Schooled Trump of GOD Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch The Lord’s Witness Wound The Lord’s Witness Wound Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mama Grizzly Platinum Tither Best stoning bucket 2015 Witch Hunt Award Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory Crown of Rejoicing Saved 5 Years BFF of Jesus Gunfest '14 Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts 20,000 posts Crown of Righteousness Flat Earth Anti-abortion GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden Public Awareness Medal

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello there - 06-29-2016, 08:28 PM
Nonsense. Hitler was a cracker-munching Catholic who believed Mary was his ghost-mother, and Jesus lives in a monstrance. He was partly Jewish himself, which was probably why he was such a gifted liar (John 8:44).

Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved

Send an email to the Senior Pastor - Landover Baptist Church - Top