[Free Market Fred]

Hello Brothers and Sisters! I'm sure you've all been following the tragic news of rioting, looting and the awesome police response to this lawlessness in Ferguson, Missouri. By coincidence, I have a great personal interest in this topic, as the Ferguson Police Department was recently privatized and sold to my company.

Just to recap what happened...

Ferguson is a suburb near St Louis, and a few days ago a young black teenage punk named Michael Brown was shot there by an upstanding member of the police community. We're withholding the officer's name for his own protection, but I can tell you that he used to work in Palo Alto, California, a few years ago, and you may have seen his photo in the news previously. He is an expert in crowd control and police-community relations:


Police-community relations

Anyway, this Brown punk and another criminal were strutting down the street, when our alert officer-hero noticed that they were jaywalking. Despite the seriousness of the offense, our man kept his cool and merely shouted threats and obscenities at the pair of hoodlums. However, they ignored this friendly warning to get back on the sidewalk immediately and just continued their jive-strutting.

Just to be clear, jaywalking is dangerous. Thus, in order to protect the teens from possible accident and injury, our office bravely fired a few warning shots into Michael Brown's chest and back, plus a few more into him while he was writhing on the ground. The Ferguson Police Department has already conducted an investigation into the matter, clearing the officer of any wrongdoing because he observed that Michael Brown had a bulge in his pants' pocket that could have been a weapon, or his wallet, or (most likely) his tallywacker, considering that this is a Negro we're talking about.

Well, I think we can all agree that this was just honest road kill, the sort of thing that happens everyday, and nothing racist. We've reviewed the officer's records, and we see that he has a long history of diversity sensibility, having shot members of numerous minority communities such as beaners and anyone with a foreign accent - he doesn't specifically pick on Negroes.

But nooooo, in a matter of hours there were liberals out in the streets protesting and screaming "racism." Large number of them started gathering on street corners, holding up signs pointing out that Michael Brown was shot multiple times even though he was unarmed. Yeah, right - like a giant tallywacker isn't a weapon? Give me a break!

Well, it wasn't long before the "peaceful protests" erupted into violence, and then the looting started, threatening Godly Wal-Mart. Fortunately, we rushed in our security forces, diverting the looters away from Wal-Mart and towards their competitors, mostly small mom & pop shops that don't even make campaign contributions to the Republican Party! I'm sure that Jesus would say, "let them burn!" My company even contributed some full gas cans and matches to the effort, in the interests of fostering a more "business-friendly" environment once these socialist family-run shops are gone, a win-win for my company and the community.

However, the situation continued to escalate. In the hopes of calming things down, at first we went lightweight with the security. We only sent in 10,000 troops to protect Wal-Mart, the banks and Home Depot. To avoid needless deaths, our forces were told to fire humane 22-caliber bullets even though mortars would have been more effective.


Friendly officer firing almost non-lethal weapon

Of course, if you give the Negroes an inch, they'll take a mile. Right away they started whining to the liberal media about the "militarization" of the police. As if an automatic rifle or tank was a military weapon! Hey, if you want to talk "military," how about we toss a few nukes at Ferguson? Indeed, we actually considered doing hat, but it would have taken out nearby St Louis, where my company has considerable property investments, so that was not an option.

And then the terrorists started pouring into Ferguson! The ever-vigilant NSA - now owned by my company - discovered two Al-Jezeera TV journalists had penetrated Ferguson and were sending videos of the rioting out via a satellite link, despite our best efforts to hide what was going on by confiscating cell phones, cameras, computers and audio devices.

Thus, we had no choice but to upgrade our defenses.


Managing the news media

Nevertheless, things just got more and more out of control. Finally, we decided to stop pulling punches.


No more Mr Nice Guy

I'm happy to report that once we stopped pussy-footin' around and took the gloves off, order was quickly restored. The situation in Ferguson is now calm and quiet.


Peace returns to Ferguson

Despite all the trauma, I'm pleased with the way things have turned out. We'd been wanting to re-develop Ferguson into an upscale community for awhile, but until now didn't have a satisfactory plan to relocate long-term residents into low-cost housing. That problem is now, I think, permanently solved.

Missouri has always been known as the "Show-Me" state. Actually, that sounds kind of homo. But anyway, I guess we showed 'em - bet it will be a long time before anyone else dares to protest again!

All in all, a great day for "zero-tolerance" security, the free market in general, and Uranus Corporation in particular! Remember, what's good for Uranus is good for the USA!

[Benedict A. Davis]

I could have sworn there was a Chick Fil A right downtown in Ferguson, I don't see it anywhere, has it been closed down? Only decent place to stop once you were leaving St Louis.

[John Creeser]

You know, all this racist violence from the blacks makes me regret we ever brought them over from Africa. Who knew that would come back to bite us in the rear?

All I know is the Creeser household has been praying non-stop for DARREN WILSON the man who shot Chris, the Brown kid.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Originally Posted by John Creeser

You know, all this racist violence from the blacks makes me regret we ever brought them over from Africa. Who knew that would come back to bite us in the rear?

All I know is the Creeser household has been praying non-stop for DARREN WILSON the man who shot Chris, the Brown kid.

Wasn't it the late great George Wallace who said..... ''No sir, I said put them on a boat and send them halfway back''?

If people would have elected him to the Presidency (instead of shooting him) 40 years ago we wouldn't still be having these racial insurrections. Everything would have been sorted out.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

The uppity Negroes and their enablers need to understand that the Ferguson PD is doing God's work and that the innocent have nothing to fear:

[Romans 13:1-7 KJV] 1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to [execute] wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5 Wherefore [ye] must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6 For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. 7 Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute [is due]; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.

Therefore, when they challenge the police, they challenge Almighty God.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

There's no such thing as an unarmed black. First of all, how were the cops to know it didn't have a concealed gun, knife, or spear? Second, as the "knockout game" demonstrates, all it takes is a punch from one of these animals to put you in a coma ward. Third, a Negro can use its teeth to rip your throat out, and even if you survive, a "human" bite can transmit HIV. And on that note... what if it had ebola?

These things are walking biological weapons. I'm sure my African-American friend Curtis would support the cops 100% in this situation.

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

... what if it had ebola?

Good point, Sister Virginia. The presence of those two from Al Jazeera - which as you all know, was the terrorist organization led by bin Laden, responsible for 9/11 - proves that this was no ordinary Negro turkey shoot! No, the Ferguson fiasco was obviously a well planned terrorist operation, this time using ebola rather than airplanes to attack America! As for why they did it, we already know the answer to that: they hate us for our freedom!


They hate us for our freedom!

If we had a real man in the White House - like GW Bush instead of that wimp Obama - our troops would be headed right now to Iran, or Saudi Arabia, or Venezuela, or some other pissant oil-producing nation we could claim was responsible for the Ferguson terror. Plus we'd be passing the Patriot Act IV, which would require all residents and visitors in the USA to get a microchip implant under their skin so that they could be monitored 24/7.

But don't be surprised if Obama remains silent on Al Jazeera's latest outrage against God's chosen nation.

I fear for America's future.

[Larry Lee]

Originally Posted by John Creeser

the Brown kid.

Do we even know Michael Brown's TRUE name, condition and whereabouts? No. Every day, this whole set-up is looking more and more like a third-rate crisis acting production

[Godfly]

We have to look at this from the police perspective. The Brown boy may have been unarmed but he was also black.

[Levi Jones]

I am most interested in this bulge that buck had. Are we talking about a 9"mm or a 12"gauge here? How frightened Officer Wilson must have been when faced with that bulge making his own service revolver look small in comparison.

[Alvin Moss]

I believe that this is all a made up incident designed to further the political ambitions of Al Sharpton. He is said to be considering moving to the Ferguson area and running for high office.

Many commenting before me have brought up most of the pertinent details- the young man in question was a Negroe, he was large and dangerous looking and he back sassed. Also, I believe that it is true that he probably had the AIDS and he could easily have had Ebola, too.

That is, however, no reason for the neighbors to threaten Walmart.

This whole incident could have been averted if:
-The police had been possessed of superior fire power at the original shooting.
-The police had been possessed of superior fire power at the time of the ensuing riot.


There is still time to end this incident in a manner that would please God. It may be best to employ napalm.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

This whole thing is a false flag operation run by big jewery to distract us from the real issues facing America: Gay Marriage!

[Prayer Warrior]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

Anyway, this Brown punk and another criminal were strutting down the street, when our alert officer-hero noticed that they were jaywalking. Despite the seriousness of the offense, our man kept his cool and merely shouted threats and obscenities at the pair of hoodlums. However, they ignored this friendly warning to get back on the sidewalk immediately and just continued their jive-strutting.

Just to be clear, jaywalking is dangerous. Thus, in order to protect the teens from possible accident and injury, our office bravely fired a few warning shots into Michael Brown's chest and back, plus a few more into him while he was writhing on the ground. The Ferguson Police Department has already conducted an investigation into the matter, clearing the officer of any wrongdoing because he observed that Michael Brown had a bulge in his pants' pocket that could have been a weapon, or his wallet, or (most likely) his tallywacker, considering that this is a Negro we're talking about.

This is exactly what I was getting at before in my thread about Affluenza . Poor people are constantly intentionally walking out into the middle of the street so they can get hit by a car and then sue. The laws have gotten so bad that even when these criminals violate the law the honest law abiding citizen who is just trying to get to work is liable.

Why else would Brown and his other criminal friend ignore the officer? You can just bet there is more to it than jaywalking going on. At best it means they're scammers so motivated to sue that they would risk getting fined hundreds of dollars or getting arrested. At worst, it means probably had just murdered someone so they could steal their crack which they were going to use to sell to children so they could buy bombs to use to hijack an airliner which they would then fly into the pentagon so they could take out our defensive network and let terrorist Muslims invade and force gay marriage on us (to make it so USA is no longer God's favorite nation). Once God's protection was removed, they'd let God do the work of smiting us. Even if there was just the slightest chance of this scenario being true, isn't it worth it if it can help us avoid the downfall of our country? We cannot take that risk.

The fact that this criminal's death resulted in looting proves only one thing: Each and everyone of those rioters are either terrorist, terrorist supporters, or they have such a stunning lack of judgment that they can't tell the difference between a terrorist and a heroic defender of peace and justice. Well, I suppose to be far there is one other alternative, that they just want to use this an excuse to riot so they can steal, vandalize, and murder with impunity during all the chaos. No matter what the case, they all should be branded enemies of America that pose an incredible national security threat.

We can all sleep a lot better at night knowing that these undesirable elements of society are no more.

[Darren Ingram-Myers]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

By coincidence, I have a great personal interest in this topic, as the Ferguson Police Department was recently privatized and sold to my company.

I knew that anything as bad as what happened in Ferguson could only be the fault of free-market fundamentalism. Thanks for setting the record straight.

[Des]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

By coincidence, I have a great personal interest in this topic, as the Ferguson Police Department was recently privatized and sold to my company.

Did your guys get the truckload of rubber coated hollow point ammo I sent you? 500,000 tax deductible rounds of that should help you keep the peace for the next month or so.

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Des

Did your guys get the truckload of rubber coated hollow point ammo I sent you? 500,000 tax deductible rounds of that should help you keep the peace for the next month or so.

Yes Brother Des, got 'em! Actually, we don't use the rubber-coated bullets on street demonstrators - regular lead hollow points are more effective. But we do use rubber ones for police interrogations and extraordinary renditions - works better than a taser!

Plus rubber bullets save energy. Recharging tasers really ups the power bill, despite Obama's recent initiative to install solar panels and wind towers for this purpose in order to create a "green" NSA.

We shipped those rounds you sent down to Guantanamo, where I can assure you that they'll be put to good use.


New express check-in counter at Miami Airport!

Just can't wait till we get our hands on Julian Assange and Ed Snowden - 500,000 rounds might not even be enough! Expect us to be reordering soon!