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Virginia Day Templeton's Avatar
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Default Baboons Bamboozled: Republican Pretends To Be Black, Blacks Elect Him - 11-11-2013, 08:30 PM

So this is how it's done. Forget about delivering an inclusive message, fostering party diversity, reaching out to community leaders—forget all about changing our policies, for God's sake!—and follow the example of Dave Wilson. An old friend of Landover and an unshakable foe of Big Sodomy, Wilson devised a campaign strategy so crude, so cynical, it could only work on the borderline retarded. Guess what? It did.

The way to get black people to vote for us to pretend we're black.

Quote:
White guy wins after leading voters to believe he’s black

HOUSTON -- Dave Wilson chuckles as he talks about his unorthodox political campaign.

"I'd always said it was a long shot," Wilson says. "No, I didn't expect to win."

Still, he figured he'd have fun running, because he was fed up with what he called "all the shenanigans" at the Houston Community College System. As a conservative white Republican running in a district whose voters are overwhelmingly black Democrats, the odds seemed overwhelmingly against him.

Then he came up with an idea, an advertising strategy that his opponent found "disgusting." If a white guy didn't have a chance in a mostly African-American district, Wilson would lead voters to think he's black.

And it apparently worked. In one of the biggest political upsets in Houston politics this election season, Wilson -- an anti-gay activist and former fringe candidate for mayor -- emerged as the surprise winner over 24-year incumbent Bruce Austin. His razor thin margin of victory, only 26 votes, was almost certainly influenced by his racially tinged campaign.

"Every time a politician talks, he's out there deceiving voters," he says.

Wilson, a gleeful political troublemaker, printed direct mail pieces strongly implying that he's black. His fliers were decorated with photographs of smiling African-American faces -- which he readily admits he just lifted off websites -- and captioned with the words "Please vote for our friend and neighbor Dave Wilson."
Ha ha ha. Am I reading this right? It's disgusting for a white guy to use pictures of blacks on his fliers while running in a black district, but perfectly fine for blacks to vote for blacks just because they're black! Not only did he chump these chimps like a carny trickster, Dave also exposed black racism—and media hypocrisy—in action. When Negro politicoons flap their lips, it's black this and black that, nothing but blackalackalackalackalack 24/7, yet you'll never hear their antics described as "racially tinged." For all we know, Dave just wanted the groids to feel comfortable. Don't we always hear about how racism (i.e. the existence of whites) causes high blood pressure? That's nonsense, of course, and impossible to even test with all the KFC they eat, but maybe Dave has a liberal side. He always was an old softie.

You can't win with these people. If he'd put whites on the fliers, they'd call him a white supremacist and accuse him of voter intimidation, because conservative white men are racist just for existing. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that any of us can do to please these beasts and their worshipers. Why try, then? As soon as blacks see those huge lips and shiny hides, they know who they're voting for. So let's show them that. Whether intentionally or not, Dave Wilson has discovered the ultimate "cheat code" for reeling in the boogs.


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Default Re: Baboons Bamboozled: Republican Pretends To Be Black, Blacks Elect Him - 11-11-2013, 08:59 PM

Well it just goes to show you, deception will not be tolerated by the LORD. He put a God-fearing, heteronormal politician in office.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Baboons Bamboozled: Republican Pretends To Be Black, Blacks Elect Him - 11-11-2013, 09:51 PM

Now THAT is the spraytan republican concept taken to an epic level!

Photoshop has made blackface makeup obsolete! This is the biggest political techno-fix since Twitter single-handedly turned Syria into a democracy!

Prediction time: The Playstation 4 will cause China to re-instate their monarchy. Oh, and Roombas will result in the reunification of North and South Dakota.


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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 01-04-2014 at 02:02 PM.
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Default Re: Baboons Bamboozled: Republican Pretends To Be Black, Blacks Elect Him - 11-11-2013, 10:10 PM

The black vote is very important, more so than census figures might indicate. While most blacks don't bother showing up at the polls, those that do vote six or more times, and they ain't shy about saying so.

Also, have you ever seen those zombie movies where the dead rise out of their graves to feast on the living? That's the black voter. It's common in some ghetto districts for dead voters to outnumber live ones, especially in state and federal elections. We're still working on ways to campaign in Hell.


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Default Re: Baboons Bamboozled: Republican Pretends To Be Black, Blacks Elect Him - 11-12-2013, 02:47 AM

I'm going to start spamming this on black websites (yes, they exist).

Name:  rand.jpg
Views: 100
Size:  34.8 KB

Should I have picked a less famous black person? Who are some others? Should I just Google black names like De'Andre and Quontavious?


edit: It's all mugshots. This doesn't look very good, does it?

Name:  rand2.jpg
Views: 97
Size:  164.3 KB


edit 2: Made it less mugshot-y. I think we're almost there.

Name:  rand3.jpg
Views: 103
Size:  157.4 KB


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