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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-12-2014, 05:29 AM
Not that I care about offending liberal scum, but please read this disclaimer before you attack me:
I am not a trophy hunter, and I do not hunt for sport. Nor do I hunt for food. I kill because that is what God in Genesis 1:26 tells me to do.
" And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
Okay, that means I, as a Godly man, have been given absolute dominion over every living creature on this planet....and when God says to dominate something, we'd best obey!
Dominion: the power or right of governing and controlling; sovereign authority.
With that being said, how then should a True Christian™ deal with free-roaming beasts who refuse to be tamed? Should they be allowed to roam hither and thither, to and fro, with impunity...mocking God and man in the same breath? I dare say not.
Take the bestial manatee as an example. These feral beasts lurk in the muddy depths of our waterways, hiding from the sunlight and sodomizing each other at will. They defecate in the water supply, and ruin perfectly good boat propellers with their ugly gnarled humps. Disgraceful!
And squirrels? Hideous button eyed God-mocking tree demons, leaping and capering about in the canopy...are they immune from justice? NO!!
Behold, the automatic shotgun, a device of nearly supernatural beauty, rivaling even the Glory of Creation on the first day....ain't she a beaut?
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-12-2014, 05:47 AM
Being a man of Nordic descent, my weapon of choice for manatees is harpoon. And no, not those faggy modern humane explosive ones, as a traditionalist I prefer the "cold harpoons", without explosives, like this one I have mounted on my manatee boat at my holiday home down in Florida:
Once the harpoon has penetrated their flesh, they slowly bleed to death by internal injuries twitching around the water like a tongue talking pentecoster, can take over an hour for these stupid fishes to die, this just adds to the hunting experience. I mean how fun would it be if they were just killed instantly? Not to mention that my wife makes the best manatee steaks in the world!
I would love to kill spotted owls, but you won't see me setting my foot anywhere near the left coast, who knows if some legal marijuana addict tree-huggers will show up and gang rape me and give me the AIDS?
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 180
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pearland, Texas
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 04:52 PM
Charter Member Pearland, Texas
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 06:58 PM
For killing manatees, nothing beats a good prop engine. You can carve them up fast in that shallow water.
http://www.mercuryracing.com/blog/wp...rd-Cleaver.jpg
(Image too large to direct link.)
Some hippies want people to use air boats like hillbillies.
But you'll never get the maneuverability or speed with a manatee chopper. And it could be dangerous! You can capsize and fall into water with gators and angry one flippered manatees!
Call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a good old fashioned harpoon gun for whaling. It is surprisingly easy to hire on with a Japanese whaling vessel. I guess this generation of young men would rather play the X-box than seek great adventures by killing large mammals for their fat.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 07:19 PM
For me, it depends. Am I simply working to clear an area (then a pump shot gun is a 'one size fits all' tool) or am I have fum with my boys?
With the kids, I'll use a hand gun and let them use their AR-15's set on single. Nothing like a spirtied game, a lot of whooping and hollering. God giggles when you wing them.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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True Christian™ Brainiac
True Christian™
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Posts: 538
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Protesting the pride parade!
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 08:02 PM
Given the difficulty of obtaining firearms in my part of the world, I have an alternative tactic for asserting my marine dominion. I hire a massive boat, put a large trawling net over the side and take it to sea for a great day out with the wife. At the end of the day, I just beach whatever I caught and go home.
I get the feeling that if we weren't keeping these animals in check, they might try to change the pecking order God laid out for us. We always get a great boost knowing that we're doing God's work. Just the thought of all that marine life desperately flopping around on the beach keeps our spirits buoyant for weeks.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 08:06 PM
In general, I prefer to solve bird problems with arsenic , as it was recommended to me in this post (with my total lack of abilities, you wouldn't want me to be shooting a gun anyway). However, I haven't tried that approach on bigger birds like owls yet. I guess I could use some of the poisoned house finches as bait, I have plenty of these. Will an owl come to a dead bird, or should I somehow make it move?
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 09:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
In general, I prefer to solve bird problems with arsenic , as it was recommended to me in this post (with my total lack of abilities, you wouldn't want me to be shooting a gun anyway). However, I haven't tried that approach on bigger birds like owls yet. I guess I could use some of the poisoned house finches as bait, I have plenty of these. Will an owl come to a dead bird, or should I somehow make it move?
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I tried that, but I lost too many hunting dogs and field nigras. Seems they both will eat just about anything on the ground when they are hungry enough. A good hunting dog is not easy to replace.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 10:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
In general, I prefer to solve bird problems with arsenic , as it was recommended to me in this post (with my total lack of abilities, you wouldn't want me to be shooting a gun anyway). However, I haven't tried that approach on bigger birds like owls yet. I guess I could use some of the poisoned house finches as bait, I have plenty of these. Will an owl come to a dead bird, or should I somehow make it move?
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Does your husband keep falcons, Sister? One skilled in falconry can wreak bloody havoc in the skies. A legion of well trained raptors pitted against the spotted owl scourge would be glorious to behold!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 11:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer
Does your husband keep falcons, Sister? One skilled in falconry can wreak bloody havoc in the skies. A legion of well trained raptors pitted against the spotted owl scourge would be glorious to behold!
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My most beloved Brother Hammer, if when I finally find a True Christian™ Man who will not run away from me will be lucky enough to marry me, I'm sure he'll be keeping falcons.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 34
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Over the Rainbow
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-13-2014, 11:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
My most beloved Brother Hammer, if when I finally find a True Christian™ Man who will not run away from me will be lucky enough to marry me, I'm sure he'll be keeping falcons.
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Hi!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am a reformed primordial dwarf of modest means. Although I still bear the tag of unsaved trash, and have not been bestowed the title of True Christian™ by the Church of Landover, I am True Enough™..
I like fine wines, expensive romantic dinners, cat-back riding, widows with hefty bank accounts, and piggyback rides on the beach.
" I don't always read the Bible; but when I do, I prefer KJV 1611"
- The most interesting Dwarf in the world
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-14-2014, 12:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Primordial Dwarf
Hi!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am a reformed primordial dwarf of modest means. Although I still bear the tag of unsaved trash, and have not been bestowed the title of True Christian™ by the Church of Landover, I am True Enough™..
I like fine wines, expensive romantic dinners, cat-back riding, widows with hefty bank accounts, and piggyback rides on the beach.
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I don't mingle with the unsaved. What if your "condition" turns out to be contagious?
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-14-2014, 12:26 AM
Here I am with coworkers on a teambuilding exercise pursuing one of these disgusting manatees.
I'm pretty sure the one with the glasses is a PETA kissing homer as the beast ate the other guy and got away.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
Last edited by Freddy Osborne; 04-09-2014 at 12:10 AM.
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Southern Hospitality Exemplified Always kind and loving
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,824
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mostly at the Cracker Barrel
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-14-2014, 07:07 AM
I know Pappy's old 8-gauge shotgun is totally not fit for the task, but I prefer it since when I see a manatee pop up from the water in a close enough setting, the site of powerful buckshot sending splotches of maimed flesh and blood into the air kind of takes me back to the Cross of Jesus, which is why hunting is such a spiritual experience for me.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-14-2014, 11:14 PM
The Good Book says these cursed varmints come in all shapes and sizes.
Leviticus 21:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
Happy Hosanna half man!
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
Last edited by Freddy Osborne; 03-30-2014 at 12:01 AM.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 120
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Hell. Roasting Eternally With The Dark Lord.
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-15-2014, 05:49 AM
Honestly I prefer an M4 carbine for any situation involving any infestation. Rather that be an infestation of Manatees, Rodents, or Liberals. The M4 carbine is the best rifle on the face of the planet. That is why our God-fearing Soldiers of Christ sent to afghanistan, and Iraq use them. U.S knows best!
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-15-2014, 08:36 AM
I had a simple hypothetical question - how would one go about cooking Manatee meat and is it any good? The damn LIEberals have gotten incredibly rude - accusing everyone of trolling and with obnoxious retorts such as "it's an endangered species" crap. I did find this helpful article for anyone that is interested.
Quote:
Manatee Recipes (Cattle of the Sea)
HOW TO HANDLE MANATEE MEAT
Manatee meat has a mild taste and readily adapts to recipes for beef. Choice cuts of meat, primarily the tail and peduncle, can be used in any recipe. The body and flipper meat, with just a little extra preparation and special recipes, can be just as tasty. I recommend cubing the less-tender cuts for extra tenderness or pounding steaks with a meat mallet.
Regardless of what cut of manatee meat you are using, all fat and sinew must be removed before freezing or preparing. Even the yellowish fat between the layers should be removed. When using flipper or body meat, we recommend removing the white tendons and vessels as well.
Manatee meat has been successfully frozen for over a year. This was done by removing all fat, wrapping well in cellophane and then again in freezer paper. Manatee meat can be tenderized in several different ways. Some restaurants run each piece of meat through a cubing machine. Other restauranteurs recommend pounding each peice of manatee with a meat mallet until thin, usually about one inch. All restaurants recommend cutting manatee meat across the grain for a more tender piece of meat.
Body and flipper meat cuts are excellent choices for burgers, casseroles, ground meat, soups and stews. Peduncle and tail meat work well for roasts, steaks and barbecue.
Regardless of which cut of meat you use, you will find manatee to be a very delicious and versatile meat. It is also low in fat, making it a great item for the calorie conscious person.
…
http://www.monkeyspit.net/sites/manatee/recipes.html
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Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-15-2014, 09:58 AM
Even a woman can handle this high-powered weapon with ease:
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 50
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: log cabin down by the crik
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Re: Your Weapon of Choice for Subduing Pest Animals Like Manatees and Spotted Owls? -
03-15-2014, 05:31 PM
Reckon I catch them varmits by hand and torture em slow with my pen knofe.more sportin that way
Proverbs 23:8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.
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