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MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Jesus' eternal love Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-04-2016, 02:16 AM

There is a woman at my church named Haggis Skankle. She is around 70 years old and claims to be a Christian. Who am I to judge? All I know is that she puts her long nose into other people's business all the time and now she has set her sights on getting me married. She is even trying to discourage my Creation Science education, saying it's more important for me to get a high paying career (She's trying to get me to enroll in Stratford Career Institute - which is similar to the homeschool that Sally Struthers used to be a spokesperson for). So after services on Sunday, Miss Skankle comes waddling up to me (she weighs about 550 pounds and smells like a rotten pomegranate) and she says, "Larry, I notice you still aren't bringing a wife to church."


I smiled just to be polite and I said, "Well, when it is God's will, that will happen." She proceeded to point out three of the most inappropriate women in our congregation. One of them is named Trezza, and she's separated from her husband. Biblically she's still married and I won't go that route.


Next, she pointed out Priscilla Sue Lancaster, who has a tilted uterus (she talks about it all the time with the ladies of the church) and can't conceive in a normal fashion. I don't know all the details but I assume it will require a man with a tilted masculine member. A big no to that one.


Finally, she mentions that her son's child, Ivy Skankle, is going to be finishing beauty school soon and would be a real catch. Ivy would be a catch for another guy, but not me. Why? Ivy is actually Ivan. He dresses like a woman, tries to act like a woman, but underneath it all, she's male. No thanks.


I am not trying to whine about this. I've already mentioned that at least for now, my education comes first. It's just that it gets so frustrating when you're a certified equine gnathologist, vet, and future PhD. Everyone wants you to marry their daughter/sister/aunt/niece and even transgender son; particularly so if you're as manly, handsome, virile, and humble as I am.


Just COME, LORD JESUS, so I don't have to deal with this loneliness any longer. Let me serve Your Heavenly Horses, Father God.


In Christ's Name I pray. AMEN and AMEN.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-04-2016, 02:56 AM

This woman is not a Christian, Brother. Promoting unnatural acts and fornication with another man's wife are not acceptable. You should inform your pastor of her crimes, that he may rebuke her.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-04-2016, 11:00 AM

Oh my goodness, I do so despise those brazen baggages who are forever trying to palm off their female friends, neighbors and relatives on decent, God-fearing, True Christian™ men!

We have not yet found an appropriate husband for my youngest stepdaughter, Charity*, who was 16 in September, but do you see us flagrantly touting her around like a goat in the marketplace? No, you do not!

These people make me sick.

YiC
Joanna

* Brother Larry, if you're interested, call my husband




Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-05-2016, 07:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Oh my goodness, I do so despise those brazen baggages who are forever trying to palm off their female friends, neighbors and relatives on decent, God-fearing, True Christian™ men!

We have not yet found an appropriate husband for my youngest stepdaughter, Charity*, who was 16 in September, but do you see us flagrantly touting her around like a goat in the marketplace? No, you do not!

These people make me sick.

YiC
Joanna

* Brother Larry, if you're interested, call my husband


Sister Joanna:
How grateful I am for your support. No woman should be likened unto a goat*, even though they both produce milk and are used for similar purposes in certain Arab countries.

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

*I called and keep getting voice mail. Sitting through all the verses of Bringing in the Sheaves is annoying just to leave a message that he doesn't return.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-06-2016, 07:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Sister Joanna:
How grateful I am for your support. No woman should be likened unto a goat
Except perhaps as regards one's hair

Song of Solomon 4:1

Quote:
in certain Arab countries.
I was a bit uncertain about that so had a quick look and

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Sinner Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-14-2016, 06:45 PM

im a goat
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Default Re: Busybody Matchmakers Rant - 11-14-2016, 11:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lezbeanboy View Post
im a goat
No, pookie. You're an idiot. There is a difference.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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