MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part. |
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
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Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-04-2009, 11:39 PM
I'm not sure that Brother Hatchet's digestive system could handle that moo-goo-gai-glop organic mess she whips up in her cauldron "wok" or whatever it is. Maybe he could rent her out for a few months as a servant girl first, just to see how it might go.
A dry run, so to speak.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 01:44 AM
I hope you people aren't going to force me to tell you about my late husband. The memories are very painful, and I really don't want to discuss it, OK?
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 01:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
I hope you people aren't going to force me to tell you about my late husband. The memories are very painful, and I really don't want to discuss it, OK?
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Wait....does that mean you already have a suitably modest wedding dress you can wear around town, after we stitch the U to the chest?
Because I ordered that polyblend fabric for overnight delivery.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 02:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Wait....does that mean you already have a suitably modest wedding dress you can wear around town, after we stitch the U to the chest?
Because I ordered that polyblend fabric for overnight delivery.
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It means I'm a widow, and blended fabrics are unGodly.
Brothers and Sisters, I think Mistress Cookie is rapidly falling into sin, because of her unmarried nature! She ordered a blended fabric!
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Mistress Cookie needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 03:03 AM
Oops. Well, when all that fabric arrives at your house tomorrow COD, I'd suggest you either not "hear" the bell, or explain it was all a terrible misunderstanding. Golly....good luck!
I just got a whole new slew of pm's in response to the title of this thread being changed, and it's frozen my mailbox again.
I know you were trying to help, Dear Sister, but some might see this as harrasment. I only say that because I would hate for you (or anyone else who took it upon themselves to try to procure for me in this thread this afternoon) to be hit with a lawsuit by someone, or something.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: JennyD needs a lawyer! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 04:39 AM
I hope the new title meets with your approval.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
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Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: JennyD needs a lawyer! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 06:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
I hope the new title meets with your approval.
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Oh, it looks lovely. Thank you.
It wasn't really me that was upset (because you know I'm just not that way about things), it was Bobby-Joe who was all in a tither because the server was crashing because all these pm proposals or whathaveyou were flooding into my mailbox all at once, and it happened twice, and then a few of the pastors were disgruntled and thought I was auctioning myself off or something, when their lawyers say they have a claim on Dearly Departed Daryl's estate...and they don't want some "playboy" type sweeping me off and claiming half before it's all resolved...or something. I don't know. I really don't have a head for business and all that fine print.
BUT ANYWAY, TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT: I didn't know the Bible was so adamant about polyester blends! Where does it talk about that, again? Daryl wore these horrible leisure suits sometimes. I should have known right then he was the devil.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 07:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I'm not sure that Brother Hatchet's digestive system could handle that moo-goo-gai-glop organic mess she whips up in her cauldron "wok" or whatever it is. Maybe he could rent her out for a few months as a servant girl first, just to see how it might go.
A dry run, so to speak.
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It's called Moo Joo Jai Pan. You can imagine what's in it.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 100
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Somewhere else than USA
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 02:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
It's called Moo Joo Jai Pan. You can imagine what's in it.
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Jews?
Søren Kierkegaard: "The Absurd, or to act by virtue of the absurd, is to act upon faith ... I must act, but reflection has closed the road so I take one of the possibilities and say: This is what I do, I cannot do otherwise because I am brought to a standstill by my powers of reflection."
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-05-2009, 02:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Absurdist
Jews?
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No. Snails. It's a French dish; the JOOS call it gefilte.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 05:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
No. Snails. It's a French dish; the JOOS call it gefilte.
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UUUGGGGH! Is that one enormous snail, pulled out of its defenseless little shell ? ?
It looks more like a skinned rat torso.
Well, I supose eating those are some sort of barbaric religious rite for them. I know they have all those mysterious ceremonies with charred bones and tears...but still ! ! !
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 05:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
UUUGGGGH! Is that one enormous snail, pulled out of its defenseless little shell ? ?
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Yeah, pretty much. Then they pull off it's little eyestalks and call it kosher.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Jesus's Favorite Nurse
Forum Member
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Posts: 974
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Landover Basement
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 02:48 PM
Would Brother Bathfire or Brother Nobar King happen to be single? Their impressive manly beards indicate begetting a babe of the masculine variety upon Sweet Sister Jenny. We do need more men to lead the Next generation of True Christian™ soildiers.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 03:37 PM
Honey, I'm a little too old for that sweet young thing, plus, the last thing I need in my house is a bunch of rug-rats messing everything up. Thank you for flattering my beard, though.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 04:57 PM
Get a Husband (or two) the good old fashioned way. Like I did.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV
Get a Husband (or two) the good old fashioned way. Like I did.
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By picking them up in bars?
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 06:44 PM
It's the smoking thing. She asks men for cigarettes and then they're hooked.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 06:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
By picking them up in bars?
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Really, Pastor! I tried to pick Don Bozo del Guapo up from the gutter in Christian Love but then saw he had no head.
Ah, but who are we to question His ways?
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 07:16 PM
Whatever happened to Don Bozo, anyway?
Incidentally, did I mention that I'm single?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 08:05 PM
You do have that 'desperate' look. Have you tried the 'Christian Singles' banner ads that I keep seeing. (or the ones offering Vietnamese wives?)
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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