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Reload this Page CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover)
Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Default CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-26-2006, 08:43 PM

Good news Sisters!!!!!!!

It looks like Sister Tali is goig to marry Brother Mike by proxie in order to bare him a son before he passes. Isn't it just amazing what the love of JESUS can inspire people to do.

Anyway....

I'm hoping we can all pull together to throw Sister Tali a wonderful quickie Bridal Shower at my place next weekend.

I will be supplying my famous punch, homemade cookies and jello salad along with all the decorative plates, napkins and tableware.

What will you guys be bringing? Please post your list here.

Suggestions for games would be appreciated as well.

Helpful, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-26-2006, 09:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Good news Sisters!!!!!!!

It looks like Sister Tali is goig to marry Brother Mike by proxie in order to bare him a son before he passes. Isn't it just amazing what the love of JESUS can inspire people to do.

Anyway....

I'm hoping we can all pull together to throw Sister Tali a wonderful quickie Bridal Shower at my place next weekend.

I will be supplying my famous punch, homemade cookies and jello salad along with all the decorative plates, napkins and tableware.

What will you guys be bringing? Please post your list here.

Suggestions for games would be appreciated as well.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

Oh! Praise Jesus© Sister Thumper. I don't get much free time these days to organise these sorts of things so I gladly thank you.
I should be grateful if someone would bring along a Turkey Baster to assist with the after-ceremony nuptials.



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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-26-2006, 09:48 PM

I am excited to have an all Landover wedding. It's so much nicer than a mixed marriage (True Christian + False Christian makes our Lord weep!). And I just wanted to remind folks that Carrot-Rasin Salad is not an acceptable dish to bring to a special occasion. Carrot peelings belong in the kitchen trash bin!


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 05:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Suggestions for games would be appreciated as well.
I'm sure everyone will enjoy a game of "Pin The Burqa On the Mooslem Wench" - it's only a matter of luring a live one into Landover, as we always have plenty of 9 inch "pins" left lying around after the annual Passion Play.


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 05:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
It looks like Sister Tali is goig to marry Brother Mike by proxie in order to bare him a son before he passes.
She's going to do WHAT???

Does Brother Mike give his permission for this?
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Smile Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 08:19 AM

Miss.Thumper, i got a bootiful gifts for Miss.Talitha an i gonna bring him to the showers cuz i not able to waits!

here be Mr.YouthEnAsia, i been trainin him speshial for when Miss.Talitha become Mrs.Mike an get pregnints



this kitty traineds to lay on folks an keep thier faces cozy an warms when they be sleepin, snug as a bug inna lord Jesus rug an Miss.Talitha gonna do all she cans to make Mr.Mike comfortables after she get pregnint cuz she gots a true Christain™ hart of golds
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 09:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petal View Post
Miss.Thumper, i got a bootiful gifts for Miss.Talitha an i gonna bring him to the showers cuz i not able to waits!

here be Mr.YouthEnAsia, i been trainin him speshial for when Miss.Talitha become Mrs.Mike an get pregnints



this kitty traineds to lay on folks an keep thier faces cozy an warms when they be sleepin, snug as a bug inna lord Jesus rug an Miss.Talitha gonna do all she cans to make Mr.Mike comfortables after she get pregnint cuz she gots a true Christain™ hart of golds

Pssst Petal? Any chance you can get euthanasia to lie on Brother Mike's face BEFORE the "wedding?"


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 09:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith View Post
Pssst Petal? Any chance you can get euthanasia to lie on Brother Mike's face BEFORE the "wedding?"
Actually, we were training Euthie to be YOUR companion for an evening until we decided that you would probably turn it into a newt.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 01:13 PM

I'll bring a baseball bat...just in case Mikey gives you any trouble.....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 02:20 PM

Here I am, present and accounted for, to do my Duty unto Him

And, of course, Sister Talitha. Oh, Joy, this means I am permitted to Cook again? Let's see, shall it be my Home-made, Biblically-Correct DUNGBREAD or should I attempt my Good potatis salad again, this time trying really hard to remember to boil the taters before making it?

Or should it be something with a Christmessy theme? I know - how about some red cherry Kool-Aid to drink?

Still thinking - I'll be back after a Prayer Request to JESUS for assistance!

SUV
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-27-2006, 03:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fish View Post
She's going to do WHAT???

Does Brother Mike give his permission for this?
Of course silly. We have kinds of documentation from him.

Now Fish, this is TRUE love; were you Catlikers would have monks around the death bead chanting and burning smelly plants we TRUE Christians™ are seeking to further Mike's good works for Christ long after Mike's death.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-28-2006, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Actually, we were training Euthie to be YOUR companion for an evening until we decided that you would probably turn it into a newt.
Sadly I wouldn't get the chance. TCFH would eat him for breakfast.

Pastor Al...PLEASE don't let Sister Sue Vera cook!


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Angry Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-28-2006, 09:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss.lilith View Post
Sadly I wouldn't get the chance. TCFH would eat him for breakfast.
that be fightin talks, Miss.Lilith! but my kitty not needs to do no fightin, cuz he gonna sit his fat kitty butts on Mr.TCFH an squash him until he deads!
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-28-2006, 02:01 PM

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Originally Posted by lilith View Post
Pastor Al...PLEASE don't let Sister Sue Vera cook!
And a big Good Morning Braaaaack! to you, missy! Just what do you have that can top my Home-made crunchy & delicious (there's also a "softer" version should Gran'pappy Schnicks ever return) Dungbread?

Come on, you! Get on your Apron and start Cookin' for The Christ!!!

SUV
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-28-2006, 07:28 PM

Well everyone, I have an announcement to make!!
After borrowing a Turkey Baster from my Messican Cook who has only used it twice, plus a couple of times to impregnate her Chiuahua I have had enough practice to get this right.
I won't go into the intricate detail, but in a positon determined by Bobby Joe, I can make those "Little Fish" swim on in and hit the Jackpot first time!
According to my calendar the best time for Impregnation will be on 31st October at 6pm...........Right on time to celebrate the BOOK BURNING!

OH GLORY™ I'm Sooooooo excited!

Invitations will be sent out today.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-28-2006, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
in a positon determined by Bobby Joe
Hmmm ... dear Talitha, just be sure you are 'basting' the correct orifice.

May Jesus bless your baster, granting you a very Happy Impregnation Day.


True Christians are Perfect!

Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-29-2006, 01:37 AM

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Originally Posted by Petal View Post
that be fightin talks, Miss.Lilith! but my kitty not needs to do no fightin, cuz he gonna sit his fat kitty butts on Mr.TCFH an squash him until he deads!

Petal,I'm quietly confident that TCFH can outrun your kitty.

As could the frog next door.


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-29-2006, 01:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Hmmm ... dear Talitha, just be sure you are 'basting' the correct orifice.

May Jesus bless your baster, granting you a very Happy Impregnation Day.

Great balls of fire - Mrs R is right,Talitha!

HOW will you know which one is the right one,Brother Mike not being overburdened with good looks?


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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-29-2006, 06:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilith View Post
Petal,I'm quietly confident that TCFH can outrun your kitty.

As could the frog next door.
You have a Frenchman living next door to you? Every time I think the story of your life can't get any more sickeningly perverse, you manage to make me think again.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: CALLING ALL LOL's (Ladies of Landover) - 10-30-2006, 02:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
You have a Frenchman living next door to you? Every time I think the story of your life can't get any more sickeningly perverse, you manage to make me think again.

Oh I WISH!


In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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