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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-25-2019, 02:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Oh, I retired for a bit, but I'm back now.
The next adventure is called "The Corpse-choked Gladiator pits of the Democrat Primary Netherworld!" Who's playing?
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I'm in! The idea of venturing into that world of the undead is scary, but it's just a game, right?
Class: Upper
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Unsaved trash Social Justice (false) Christian So much snowflakeyness he needs an avalanche warning.
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Posts: 121
Join Date: Jan 2019
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Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons -
11-25-2019, 03:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Who's playing?
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I'm in, like a woman named Flynn.
Class: Freshman.
Equipment: invisible napsack (unpacked)
Statistics: I would be committing sexual harassment if I told you, and you wouldn't believe me anyway.
Trigger Warning: the text you have just read may have caused: flashbacks to historical oppression, normalization of whiteness, hegemonic hyper-masculinity (if I must say so myself), assumption of genders, species, and/or status as a living being, other problematic sins which are yet to be discovered and outlawed but I should still be (eventually) punished for.
MOD NOTE: click here for a Wokish-To-English Dictionary.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons -
11-25-2019, 03:17 PM
I'll start the adventure with you two, the others can join the game in progress.
Your mission is simple: You are a group of Democrat primary candidates, their bodyguards, and other members of their entourages. For successes I will award points which in game are called "superdelegates". You will attend a fundraiser, do a photo op, make a media appearance, and finally face off against all comers in the dreaded all-candidates Debate Of Death.
Your goal is to defeat all of the other candidates, after which player candidates will fight a battle royale to get the coronation of the Democrat Party.
First scene: you are at your secret headquarters. It's time to plan and equip yourself for the upcoming mission. What do you do?
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-25-2019, 03:28 PM
Do we both get to play the candidates? OK, I assume Social Construct will want to take "I'm so left that to the left of me there's only the wall" position, so I'll take the center. My preparations include checking my old Twitter and Facebook posts to see if I hadn't said something offensive to some special snowflake in the past. There are so many unique special snowflakes on the left that everything offends them, even the fact that I breathe and fart, so I give up.
But, I equip myself with a healthy dose of spin and impossible campaign promises. They never fail!
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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
True Christian™
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Posts: 717
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Somebody's couch
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-25-2019, 03:31 PM
I'll be a bodyguard with Pinkwater Security Contracting.
I don my equipment: my lucky kelvar helmet (a bullet bounced off it and killed someone else). Oh, and a plus one Boot Of Throwing, with squished camel spiders on the bottom for a disgust check of 1d6.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 34
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: in my mommy's closet
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-25-2019, 03:59 PM
Race: The guy from "I wanna be the Guy"
Class: Guy who catches old folks who wander from the retirement home
Equipment: one of the L-blocks from Tetris.
I am busy practicing my pied-piper call "wanna watch the weather network? Follow me!" When I see Joe Biden on the news. I grab my trusty Tetris-block and head out the door, my work cut out for me.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-25-2019, 04:21 PM
You boldly walk out the door: two candidates, their bodyguard, and nerf-herder (I think that's what geezer-wranglers are officially called).
The sights, sounds and smells of the Democrat Netherworld assault your senses. First of all, the spikes. Everything has spikes on them. You'd better bet your spiky butt that even the spikes have spikes on them.
It sounds, feels and smells spikey.
While Trent is scanning and calling out locations of spikes, a guy from a food vending cart steals the camelspiders from his boot and adds them to the sweet and sour "pork". He rolls a 2, failing the constitution check. He vomits, splattering onto the fried food cart. Did I mention it's the part of the primaries where all candidates have to have a photo-op eating fried food?
Basillia is so careful not to say anything offensive about this, suffering a "Silence" effect for three turns.
Social Construct begins protesting Gamer's Tetris block, which allegedly looks like a gun. "Berzerk" effect gained.
Gamer fails a reflex check and makes the mistake of trying to understand Construct's rhetoric. "Confusion" effect gained.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-26-2019, 05:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Basillia is so careful not to say anything offensive about this, suffering a "Silence" effect for three turns.
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I'm OK with that. My plan to win this election is to keep my mouth shut. The less I speak, the more appealing candidate I become.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-26-2019, 08:26 PM
By staying still, all player characters have avoided spike damage (turns out we bought all those pins and needles for nothing ).
The opposing candidates make their move, gaining 2 superdelegates by eating the fried food, vomiting, and then returning to their vomit like dogs (Proverbs 26:11) gaining them 2 more superdelegates.
All player characters still have 0 superdelegates. Aggressive action will be required to regain competitiveness.
Next scene: Hollywood fundraiser
All the big celebrities are here: to approach one, just say their name.
Elizabeth Warren has stumbled onto the set of a Quentin Tarantino western, where she is captured by Comanches and scalped, losing 5 hit points. Now looking less like Hilary Clinton, she gains +2 charisma.
Joe Biden, believing he's in a silent movie, decides not to bother talking. Silence effect gained.
Pete Boot-Edge-Edge stumbles onto a porn set, and everyone involved is arrested for making child porn. He shows his I.D., but nobody believes he's over 18. Jailed in juvenile detention for 3 turns.
Andrew Yang walks into a black neighborhood, is mistaken for a Korean shopkeeper, and is beaten within 1 hit point of his life.
What do you do?
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 12:21 AM
As I'm still in silent mode, I quietly approach Oprah from behind and rub her shoulders in hopes that will make her give me money.
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Unsaved trash Social Justice (false) Christian So much snowflakeyness he needs an avalanche warning.
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Posts: 121
Join Date: Jan 2019
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 01:25 AM
I don't actually need money because of my trust-fund.
If that's not enough, I'll just get my money from the place where I get the money for my free-harvard-for-all-undocumented-immigrants plan and my therapy pets for tramatised therapy pets plan.
Anyway, I'm guessing that you'll spawn orcs on me or something if I protest anything, so I'll keep it positive and instead try to intrest Hollywood producers in my Movie scripts. I've got an all-female version of the Shawshank Redemption, an all-female Saving Private Ryan, and an all-Jewish version of Deliverance.
Trigger Warning: the text you have just read may have caused: flashbacks to historical oppression, normalization of whiteness, hegemonic hyper-masculinity (if I must say so myself), assumption of genders, species, and/or status as a living being, other problematic sins which are yet to be discovered and outlawed but I should still be (eventually) punished for.
MOD NOTE: click here for a Wokish-To-English Dictionary.
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 01:05 PM
Folks, you have to act fast or the campaign moves on without you. American campaigns are short, it's only 342 days until Election Day!!!
Well, I guess Trent is completely starstruck, or maybe he's arguing with someone about how war movies get it all wrong. Gamer still has the " Confused" effect, so it's understandable that he's not doing anything useful.
Elizabeth Warren, feeling like a geek among the Hollywood glitteratti, tries to comb her hair, forgetting that she was just scalped. She loses 2 hit points. Nevertheless, she persists. She loses another 2 hit points, and produces the Bloody Comb Of Persistence, which allows a re-roll on all checks.
Now at zero hit points, she loses consciousness. A dangerous situation for a lady to be in at a Hollywood party...
As Oprah's shoulders are rubbed, a wardrobe malfunction ensues and an orgy breaks out. Uh, you'll have to imagine the details yourself (though for the sake of your immortal soul you shouldn't), but anyway all conscious characters lose 3 hit points due to things getting kinky, and will now lose 1 hit point per turn due to STDs.
Hint hint, looks like the party should have hired a healer, hint hint.
Elizabeth Warren, who has been impregnated by Woody Allen, will give birth to a new prestige-class baby, the super-nerd. It will be counted as a sorcerer's familiar for game purposes.
Social Construct, who has been energetically playing "duelin' banjos" in the air, avoids the orgy, gains 4 superdelegates, and is given a " most self-righteous Oscar speech" Oscar trophy by a confused Joe Biden. The trophy can be displayed to gain an instant +5 charisma.
The party is now breaking up. You can stick around a bit, or go and prepare for the upcoming photo op. What will you do?
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 34
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: in my mommy's closet
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 01:37 PM
I was with the Fast and Furious guys, pitching my idea for a racing video game with accelerated time, so you can zoom around in double-speed.
Oh, but they don't care about games, so instead I suggest a double-speed Fast and Furious spinoff, "The Chipmunks: Tokyo Drift".
Oh, I heal myself and cure the STDs with my Tetris-block. You did know that's what they do, right? I'm sure I told you.
Joe Biden is about to fall asleep now, right? I'm going to make my move. The Ghostbusters girls are here, I charmed them by saying their movie wasn't so bad, in fact it gave me a mild chuckle once or twice. They can help me catch Joe's ghost if he dies of old age before I can return him to the retirement home.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 01:57 PM
I have a horrible headache after the party (and also some other aches which do not need to be specified), but I'm ready for the photo-op! I love photo-ops! I can just stand there and smile and look gorgeous, and nobody asks gotcha questions!
Question: after the photo-op, do we get to eat the children we're posing with?
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 01:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamer4Christ
Oh, I heal myself and cure the STDs with my Tetris-block. You did know that's what they do, right?
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Of course I know how to play Tetris. I may be a Christian, but that doesn't automatically mean I know nothing about pop culture.
Quote:
Joe Biden is about to fall asleep now, right? I'm going to make my move.
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Since you still have the confusion effect, you accidentally abduct the frozen corpse of Walt Disney, who had been dragged out during one of the kinkier parts of the orgy.
You have an opportunity to steal one of his frozen Oscar trophies/statuettes, as long as you can avoid body cavity searches. You will suffer -1 hit point ( cold) and -1 hit point ( piercing damage to critical hit area) and the statuette will be smelly, giving you only +2 charisma when presented.
Quote:
after the photo-op, do we get to eat the children we're posing with?
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Your silence effect wears off at just this moment, causing you to accidentally say this out loud.
The crowd is outraged, because these are not free-range children. They are not even organic, no, they are hormone-stuffed, cage-raised, possibly genetically modified Chinese imports.
You lose 1 superdelgate, giving you a total score of -1 superdelegate, until the scandal is forgotten.
Someone says something mean on twitter, and your your scandal is forgotten. Score: 0 superdelegates.
Social Construct, due to playing too much air-banjo, suffers air-blistered-fingers. -1 hit point.
Trent is M.I.A. My guess is that he discovered that the party snacks are free, and he ate so much he incapacitated himself. Anyone wanting a rescue mission side-quest should check the washrooms and follow barfing noises.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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True Communist™ - will suffer for an eternity in Hell Unsaved Trash
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Posts: 98
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Weimar 1920
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 03:24 PM
I'll play. I don't like role playing, but in this case I think I can show the world something.
Race: Guilty white
Class: Medium to high, secretly rooting for the proletariat
At the Hollywood party, I approach guilty white male actors, and with a speech about inequalities in payments in the movies, I make a hell of a fundraiser.
Acts 2:44-45
44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 03:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Your silence effect wears off at just this moment, causing you to accidentally say this out loud.
The crowd is outraged, because these are not free-range children. They are not even organic, no, they are hormone-stuffed, cage-raised, possibly genetically modified Chinese imports.
You lose 1 superdelgate, giving you a total score of -1 superdelegate, until the scandal is forgotten.
Someone says something mean on twitter, and your your scandal is forgotten. Score: 0 superdelegates.
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Uh-oh, OK, I was going to make some lame excuse that this is not what I meant, which would possibly result in even more controversy, but I'm OK with that, too.
How come I still have 0 superdelegates? I'm your perfectly bland, middle of the road, safe choice, don't the party leaders like that anymore?
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 03:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Army
I approach guilty white male actors, and with a speech about inequalities in payments in the movies, I make a hell of a fundraiser.
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Still haunted by the ghost of McCarthy after all these years, the party attendees pretend to listen and nod politely.
Tulsi Gabbard, desperate to stand out, declares herself a " Democratic Stalinist" and invites you to her entourage, but before you can say anything she runs for cover due to a ballistic missile false alarm.
You check your wads of cash, but it turns out it's only prop-money. It will be good for tossing around at photo-ops, but that's it.
Speaking of the photo-op, it's a recreation of Martin Luther King's " dream", where children of all races gather on a hilltop and sing. However, the Jews can't keep the rhythm, the blacks say letting the whites sing is cultural appropriation, and nobody told the Chinese kids that they can't rap the N-word, which is every 5th world in the lyrics.
Pete Boot-Edge-Edge, who has escaped from juvie, ends up stuck in the choir. His 4 superdelegates can't find him, and are now up for grabs.
Quote:
I'm OK with that, too....I'm your perfectly bland, middle of the road, safe choice, don't the party leaders like that anymore?
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No, they don't. However, your unmoving, statue-like face means photographers can't take any unflattering or silly pictures of you. This adds +2 to your saving roll against attack-ads, and +3 to your saving roll against clickbait hit-pieces.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Pete Boot-Edge-Edge, who has escaped from juvie, ends up stuck in the choir. His 4 superdelegates can't find him, and are now up for grabs.
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I try to grab the superdelegates and learn in the process that there seems to be some sort of a difference between "grabbing delegates" and "groping delegates." Who knew? Anyway, I try to convince the superdelegates by saying I'm same as Obama, new & improved, and now in white!
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True Communist™ - will suffer for an eternity in Hell Unsaved Trash
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Posts: 98
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Weimar 1920
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Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" -
11-27-2019, 06:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond
Still haunted by the ghost of McCarthy after all these years, the party attendees pretend to listen and nod politely....
You check your wads of cash, but it turns out it's only prop-money. It will be good for tossing around at photo-ops, but that's it.
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Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up. And a real army, as well, just in case.
I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage. That explains a lot about the book, but the fact that he has become a millionaire by using slave underage labour is a big hit for the only pseudo socialist I am fighting here, and I can occupy that space in solitude.
Acts 2:44-45
44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
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