HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday. |
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 02:56 AM
Guess what TIME it is!
Yes, Folks it's that time of year again!
I'm sure you all remember the rules, but I'll list them again for the new folks.
1. To prove a kill you must submit genitals, teeth, ears or fingers or toes to the Pastors if you cannot bring in the entire body.
2. Severely maiming will get you points, but it's not as good as a kill.
You will need a permit, they are now available in the Church Lobby. The cost is $29.99. If you are not able to afford the cost of a Witch Hunting Permit, please fill out a "Hardship" Form available from a Pastor and a permit will be provided for you free of charge.
Winners will receive the coveted 2015 Witch Hunt Award, dinner for 4 at the Olive Garden, a gun of his/her choice from Bob4God's Gun World and a leather bound, over-sized KJV1611 Bible.
Now get out there and get us some witches!
Be GODLY, be good and most importantly HAVE FUN!
Post your results here!
|
|
Serving Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 03:01 AM
God must be watching us tonight, Sister. I just asked about the hunt on another thread five minutes ago! Shout Glory!
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
|
|
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
|
|
Posts: 10,337
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 06:17 PM
Now, we know that witches are capable of doing transmogrifation. I was patrolling the dark streets with my eldest, Mark, and my most reliable Winchester 1897 and I came across four of these repulsive magical creatures. I shot somewhat aimlessly but Jesus guided my hands and I can proudly present the bagged catch! It was inevitable that the dying witches would try to change into unclean animals.
Leviticus 11:19
And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.
#1
#2
#3
Unfortunately the lapwing witch got away.
...and #4.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 103
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: On the narrow road to Salvation™
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 07:48 PM
Oh boy oh boy! I was waiting for this! I'm going to purchase my permit right away. I know a good hiding place for witches, which they call a "kingdom hall". I hope to be one of the front runners this year.
"With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men." - Judges 15:16
|
|
Guarding his purity against all comers
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,239
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: OzTrailer
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 08:24 PM
I would really appreciate an invitation to fly over for this. I have my water blast guns at the ready. Nothing like watching a witch melt.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.
|
|
Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
|
|
Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 08:24 PM
What part of "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" don't you understand...it looks like Churchianity folk are willing to disregard ANY part of the Lord's word to fit their hateful agenda.
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 08:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
What part of "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" don't you understand...it looks like Churchianity folk are willing to disregard ANY part of the Lord's word to fit their hateful agenda.
|
Don't be silly. The LORD has commanded that witches ought not live. As He uses mankind as instruments of His Divine Will, can we really do no less than to obey a few simple commands? Considering His Amazing Gift of Redemption to us, via the violent and horrifying sacrifice of His Only Son, can we really say "no" to such a request? It would be the utmost in hubris to accept and benefit from His Perfect Wisdom, but then decide we don't agree with this little detail or that one.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
|
|
Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 08:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Don't be silly. The LORD has commanded that witches ought not live. As He uses mankind as instruments of His Divine Will, can we really do no less than to obey a few simple commands? Considering His Amazing Gift of Redemption to us, via the violent and horrifying sacrifice of His Only Son, can we really say "no" to such a request? It would be the utmost in hubris to accept and benefit from His Perfect Wisdom, but then decide we don't agree with this little detail or that one.
|
You eat pork and shellfish, right?
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
|
|
Guarding his purity against all comers
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,239
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: OzTrailer
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 09:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
You eat pork and shellfish, right?
|
Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.
|
|
Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
|
|
Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 09:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Back against wall
Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.
|
So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 09:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Back against wall
Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.
|
Just make sure to preserve his jaw bone in tact. Just in case, you know. Sampson slayed a thousand men with the jaw bone of one ass (Judges 15:16). I wonder how many witches you might slay with the jaw bone of this ass!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 09:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?
|
Don't be silly. If God cared about everyone, why do you think He created Hell for most souls to endure for all eternity?
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Guarding his purity against all comers
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,239
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: OzTrailer
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 09:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?
|
I am committed to Him, my God who gave me this strength. If I am to be judged let it be by God. Until then, I know my calling.
Job 27:6 My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live.
Job 27:7 Let mine enemy be as the wicked, and he that riseth up against me as the unrighteous.
Job 27:11 I will teach you by the hand of God: that which is with the Almighty will I not conceal.
Exodus 15:6 Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Just make sure to preserve his jaw bone in tact. Just in case, you know. Sampson slayed a thousand men with the jaw bone of one ass (Judges 15:16). I wonder how many witches you might slay with the jaw bone of this ass!
|
There are very few I relate to as I can with Sampson.
I will let these witches pick their vile teeth with the jaw of this ass, before I shoot them with my Water Soaker and watch them melt.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.
|
|
Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
|
|
Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 10:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Don't be silly. If God cared about everyone, why do you think He created Hell for most souls to endure for all eternity?
|
THAT'S A LIE!
God does not wish to see ANYONE eternally damned (see Ezekiel 18:23 and Ezekiel 33:11)...that is why He sent His Son Jesus into the world, to pave a way for salvation through faith in Him.
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,439
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 10:28 PM
I fully intend to win this year. I bought a brand new grenade launcher at the Landover Baptist Gun Store to make it happen. To prevent the debate of last year about whether or not the fingers I brought in were all from different witches, I will collect left hands this year. They are the most evil part of those witches anyway. There have been suggestions about bringing in heads, but the way I kill these evil witches, there usually isn't much left of their heads.
On a related note; since my annoying ex-neighbor Mrs. Johnson is clearly a witch, I will donate all my winnings to the Landover Baptist Church in name of the person who kills Mrs. Johnson.
PRO TIP: Determining if a woman is a witch is surprisingly simple. If a woman is outside during the witch hunt, she has to be a witch. No decent True Christian™ woman would ever be outside during the witch hunt.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 10:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
THAT'S A LIE!
God does not wish to see ANYONE eternally damned (see Ezekiel 18:23 and Ezekiel 33:11)...that is why He sent His Son Jesus into the world, to pave a way for salvation through faith in Him.
|
So you think Hell is an oversight? You think maybe He knows most people will endure an eternity of suffering, but is incompetent to do anything to help (Matthew 7:14; Isaiah 35:8; Matthew 7:22-23)?
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
Guarding his purity against all comers
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,239
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: OzTrailer
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 10:38 PM
Heathen, all you have quoted is that God does not take pleasure in it. And that one has the oppertunity to see the error of his ways. "Some" (jigaboo nigero apes) will never have that blessing.
You, Tarzan. Me, Jaded (with you)
Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.
|
|
Serving Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-06-2015, 11:17 PM
Last year, the coven which myself and a few trusted friends scouted out got spooked at the last minute and dispersed, leaving us completely empty handed after all our hard work. This year, the same group and I have a new plan. We have acquired something called smart bomb technology. We were unable to get the most advanced example of this new weaponry, due to discrimination from the godless Federal Government, them that control the GPS technology. We got the kind that requires a laser beam to be shot onto the target, which will then guide in special shells fired from our howitzer.
We have located, using great stealth, the location of the meeting place of Mrs. Carpenter's coven. They meet in her house, just outside Poteet.
We intend to destroy the entire property with an artillery barrage, which will be loosed at midnight on October 31. We are hopeful that there will be enough remains to win the contest this year. The experts tell us that some may be crispy, but most of them should have some kind of harvestable body part. We will hold a drawing among ourselves to distribute the prizes.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
|
|
Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
|
|
Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-07-2015, 12:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
So you think Hell is an oversight? You think maybe He knows most people will endure an eternity of suffering, but is incompetent to do anything to help (Matthew 7:14; Isaiah 35:8; Matthew 7:22-23)?
|
If anybody is eternally damned, it's because they REFUSED God's grace though faith in His Son...
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-07-2015, 01:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
If anybody is eternally damned, it's because they REFUSED God's grace though faith in His Son...
|
You avoided my question. If God cared about everyone, why do you think He created Hell for most souls to endure for all eternity?
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|