Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > False Religions and Cults
Reload this Page Dial-A-Monkey
False Religions and Cults Catholics, Wiccans, Lutherans, Satanists, Mormons, and more!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Dial-A-Monkey - 12-12-2007, 11:14 PM

Well, it seems that the worshipers of fat chink idols have come up with a new way to spread their satanic message across the interwebs. A new service called "Dial a Monkey" puts you in touch with a raggedy dot-head "preist" somewhere, and they try and answer such idiotic booda questions as "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Quote:
Have a Buddhist Question?
'Ask a Monk' has the Answer


CLEVELAND -- When the Ven. Shih Ying-Fa parks his 5-foot-10 frame before the computer in his home office, he never knows who will be seeking his help.

It could be a high school student in Baton Rouge, La., who asks the difference between Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism for a class.

Or a poet in Tallahassee, Fla., who wonders if attending a Zen Buddhist group is for him.

Or a hospital worker in London who has practiced martial arts for 20 years but isn't sure if they are compatible with Buddhist teachings.

Ying-Fa is the human behind "Ask a Monk," an online information and advice service for Buddhists and those who want to know more about Buddhism. The 55-year-old abbot of CloudWater Zendo, the Zen Center of Cleveland, receives at least 20 e-mails a week from as far away as China, Japan and New Zealand.

Ying-Fa has been answering Buddhist queries ever since his a teacher recommended that he include the feature on the Zen Center's site, www.cloudwater.org/askamonk.html.

"It's a wonderful way to answer the many, many questions people have about a tradition with which they're probably not that familiar,"

The majority of people ask about specific aspects of Buddhist meditation and teaching, Ying-Fa said. Some people question his answers, but the monk doesn't seem to mind: "The Buddhist tradition insists that you test things out for yourself and not believe things just because someone said them."

There are times, though, when Ying-Fa can only shake his head in sadness and frustration at what people write.

Several years ago, he received an e-mail from a man who claimed to be an accomplished Zen student because he was able to get into the minds of animals he was hunting before he shot them. The man said he could "be one with the animal," which enabled him to track them efficiently.

"That may make you a great hunter," Ying-Fa responded, "but it also makes you a lousy Zen student since you use your meditative concentration to take life instead of preserving it."

The man never wrote back.

Ying-Fa said he spends six to seven hours a week responding to e-mails. It helps, he said, that he's "a fairly good typist," the result of years as a TV and radio journalist in several states using his legal name, Michael Bonasso.

Ying-Fa said he tries to answer "Ask a Monk" e-mails within 24 hours, giving priority to those writers with a family member or animal near death, or those experiencing other life crises. A speedy response can be difficult when he travels, however, since he does not have a laptop ("My karma has not been such that I currently own one").

That's about to change. Sitting in a coffee shop last month, Ying-Fa brandished an iPhone, an early Christmas present from his wife, the Ven. Shih Ming-Xing, the assistant abbot at the Zen center.
And here I thought that these bald-headed demons were supposed to take a vow of poverty...And it turns out that he's some white boy from ohio who has a jap name? What kind of racist would willfully defecate on America by turning into a slant voluntarily?

I'd like to suggest a couple of questions to put to this idolator, and maybe our parishoners can help.

1. Why have you decided to spit on Jesus?

2. Where in the Holy Bible does it say that God is a fat chink?


I encourage all True Christians™ to email their questions in to this little demon at http://www.cloudwater.org/askamonk.html. Every day. Praise Jesus!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Brother Temperance's Avatar
Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 2nd class Christian Love Saved 5 Years The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Heterosexual™ Ex-Christ-Killer Public Awareness Medal Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Ex-Brit True Republican Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Dial-A-Monkey - 12-12-2007, 11:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Well, it seems that the worshipers of fat chink idols have come up with a new way to spread their satanic message across the interwebs. A new service called "Dial a Monkey" puts you in touch with a raggedy dot-head "preist" somewhere, and they try and answer such idiotic booda questions as "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

And here I thought that these bald-headed demons were supposed to take a vow of poverty...And it turns out that he's some white boy from ohio who has a jap name? What kind of racist would willfully defecate on America by turning into a slant voluntarily?

I'd like to suggest a couple of questions to put to this idolator, and maybe our parishoners can help.

1. Why have you decided to spit on Jesus?

2. Where in the Holy Bible does it say that God is a fat chink?


I encourage all True Christians™ to email their questions in to this little demon at http://www.cloudwater.org/askamonk.html. Every day. Praise Jesus!
Hopefully that gun nut he hatefully insulted will be able to use his zeninja skills to track the awful psuedo-slant down and allow him to "transcend this incarnation", if you know what I mean.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Virginia Day Templeton's Avatar
Virginia Day Templeton Virginia Day Templeton is offline
Christ's Battle Axe
 

True Christian™ True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ True Christian Beauty Bronze Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Christian Love Flat Earth Most Obedient Pro-Life Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Mama Grizzly Trumpette Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Roper Crossburn Real American™ TC Bravery Teabag Patriot True Republican Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Virginia Day Templeton will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Dial-A-Monkey - 12-12-2007, 11:36 PM

More proof that being a non-white is nothing more than a lifestyle choice.


Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Daisy Mae Johnson's Avatar
Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™

Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Best Pie Long service medal, 2nd class Cleanest Kitchen Saved 5 Years Platinum Tither True Christian Lady Best Pie True Christian Homemaker Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Ribfest '09 Daisy Home Schooled Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Punched the most queers TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor In Love With Zeke Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Pie Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Long service medal, 3rd class 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Dial-A-Monkey - 12-12-2007, 11:36 PM

Oh, and here I thought you were giving out Obama's hotline number.





Tweet me Here
My GODLY Bio Here
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Dial-A-Monkey - 12-13-2007, 05:25 AM

I hope their instaban filter is as good as ours.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
buddhist monks, ohio

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved