[YoungFarmBoy]

I hope you all are having a blessed day in (White) Jesus Christ's name.

Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!

Howdy y'all

[Mary Etheldreda]

Hello dear, and welcome to our friendly forums.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. Is she secure in Jesus' Holy Bosom now? It would be a shame to know she's burning in Hell this very moment, especially knowing this is the fate of your father. Say, why not encourage your father to drop his boy-toy and find a real wife to care for him and you and your home?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Welcome to God's favorite forum, son. Please tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Christ Jesus.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Hello,

Welcome to these forums! I have a question, why does your location say you have two pas? Do you mean your earthly father and your Heavenly Father?


YiC,
Elizabeth

[Increase Boone]

Howdy YoungFarmBoy do you know anybody that grows corn who could deliver a couple of bushels here to the motel 6 in Knoxville, the one over on Cracker Barrell Lane? I'm thinking about buying the place cause it cost a billion or more dollars to buy a satellite which is the only way I can get the same television programs on my television set as they get at the motel 6 and the motel 6 already has a satellite so I guess they bought one afore the prices of satellites went up and I can buy this here motel 6 for only five million dollars so its a bargain cause I get a satellite and can watch my television set.

Have a nice day.

Increase Boone

[Calvinist]

Originally Posted by Increase Boone

I'm thinking about buying the place cause it cost a billion or more dollars to buy a satellite which is the only way I can get the same television programs on my television set as they get at the motel 6 and the motel 6 already has a satellite so I guess they bought one afore the prices of satellites went up and I can buy this here motel 6 for only five million dollars so its a bargain cause I get a satellite and can watch my television set.

Have a nice day.

Increase Boone

Hi Boone,

That is a really long sentence, not longer than Ephesian 1:3-14 though. So you can't boast in and of yourself for a longer sentence. Ephesians 2:8-9.

Enjoy!

[Didymus Much]

Originally Posted by Calvinist

...That is a really long sentence...

No, this is a really long sentence.

[Calvinist]

Originally Posted by Didymus Much

No, this is a really long sentence.

No doubt!

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

I hope you all are having a blessed day in (White) Jesus Christ's name.

Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!

Howdy y'all

Glory to God and Welcome, Farm Boy.

How did you find the joy and comfort that only comes when we invite the Lord Jesus into our hearts? As you study His Word, which verse reaches out and touches you until you just have to shout GLORY?

COME, Lord Jesus,
BrotherLarry

[YoungFarmBoy]

Well to be entirely honest I just recently began seeking the Lord's guidance. You all seem like you really know your stuff on here, and you share a lot of my beliefs (like rape-induced pregnancy is a gift from God).

I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry. I learned a lot from these fields and will admit I thought I was the cat's meow. I would argue against religion until supper time if I had to. But after cracking open my first Bible I can honestly say it makes mich more sense than paleontology or things of the sort. I now realize that carbon dating is just a clever plot by Satan himself to confuse us would-be Christians into thinking the Earth is more than 6,000 years old.

It's so much easier to understand. I'm looking forward to learning from all of you about how I can be kept from burning in hell for the rest of eternity. Also I would like to learn enough to help save my father from the homosexual lifestyle he has chosen.

[YoungFarmBoy]

And no Boone. I am sorry, but I can't get you any corn.


This is actually the story of what brings me here.


About a week and a half ago our crops were destroyed by what my father(s) and I thought to be extraterrestrials. All of the corn was flattened into weird circles and other shapes.


I was horrified as every night I saw a beam of light in the backyard and the crops get destroyed. This happened 3 nights in a row until all of our corn was ruined and the house was surrounded by these odd shapes.


As I sat and wondered what could be doing such a thing I realized that it is completely illogical and downright foolish to believe that there could be life outside of our own planet. How could something survive in space?!


So it left me with only one explanation that made any sense; God.

God must be trying to send a message to me.


He must want me to correct myself and my father's sinful ways.


And now I find myself here... Wishing and hoping to learn from what somebody in an AOL chatroom told me was the best place to learn (the church in the nearest town is filled with black people)

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

Just got this internet stuff out on the farm. I'm kid of new to it. Pa always told me one day the Lord would show me the world, and this is finally it!

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry.

Yes, dear friend, we believe you.

[YoungFarmBoy]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

Yes, dear friend, we believe you.

I read a lot of books. I've read almost all day long, everyday since I could read (age 3). My father loves books and has always had all sorts of books laying around. Some of the books are even pornographic (which is disgusting).

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

I went to college and studied a lot of things....

But apparently not spelling or rudimentary sentence structure. Perhaps you studied improv and the "performing arts," and are now trying your craft in a most awkward way? It doesn't matter dear. The Lord sees and judges what you want to do even before you know you want to do it (Psalm 44:21). Perhaps you'd like to confess your sins, and start anew?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I want to know how it is that a "young farm boy" has 2 fathers and no mother.

Have you even read the Bible, son? The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independent Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."

[YoungFarmBoy]

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

Well to be entirely honest I just recently began seeking the Lord's guidance. You all seem like you really know your stuff on here, and you share a lot of my beliefs (like rape-induced pregnancy is a gift from God).

I went to college and studied a lot of things like evolutionary biology, quantum physics, biochemistry, astronomy, cosmochemistry, microbiology, and even supramolecular chemistry. I learned a lot from these fields and will admit I thought I was the cat's meow. I would argue against religion until supper time if I had to. But after cracking open my first Bible I can honestly say it makes mich more sense than paleontology or things of the sort. I now realize that carbon dating is just a clever plot by Satan himself to confuse us would-be Christians into thinking the Earth is more than 6,000 years old.

It's so much easier to understand. I'm looking forward to learning from all of you about how I can be kept from burning in hell for the rest of eternity. Also I would like to learn enough to help save my father from the homosexual lifestyle he has chosen.

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda

But apparently not spelling or rudimentary sentence structure. Perhaps you studied improv and the "performing arts," and are now trying your craft in a most awkward way? It doesn't matter dear. The Lord sees and judges what you want to do even before you know you want to do it (Psalm 44:21). Perhaps you'd like to confess your sins, and start anew?

I have sinned greatly.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by YoungFarmBoy

I have sinned greatly.

Indeed. Now that you've acknowledged that you are a sinner, you need to confess your sins and your unconditional obedience unto . You might say whatever is on your heart, and it will count so long as it's got all the important bits and pieces that Jesus likes to hear. I'd be happy to pray with you, if you'd like:

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.