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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 03:15 PM
Here is a little story for atheists. I presented in a format that is easy to understand. For the real story, you have to consulted the KJV 1611 Bible of course, but perhaps this can wet your appetite a little.
The CAST
Jesus Christ - needs no introduction!
True Christian ™ - saved by Jesus
False Christian - thinks he is saved by Jesus but isn't
The Devil - tries to lure people away from Jesus
Frustrated atheist - doesn't want to believe
Sad atheist - wants to believe, but can't
Chapter 1. The frustrated atheist meets Jesus
-- " hey there, friend, how do you do?""PUH! u suq! jesus dun exist yo!" --
-- " but friend, don't you want to be saved? Do you not want to go to Heaven?""NO! I want 2 go to hell! god not exist yo!" --
-- " that really saddens me, because Jesus loves you and wants you to go to Heaven! Please reconsider, I beg of you!" "FU MOFO! u is gay yo" --
Later..........
-- "eh, waz dis? i is dead yo?" "Hello there, friend. Do you believe in God now?" --
-- "eh, y-y-yes i do.. can i have 2nd chance plzzz?" "No, you shall spend an eternity in Hell. Sorry. I do love you though." --
-- "FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Chapter 2 -
01-20-2010, 03:15 PM
Chapter 2. But I can't go to Hell, I'm Christian!!!
-- "LOL, IM CHRSTIUN! I GO TO HEAVEN" "Hey friend, do you follow the entire KJV 1611 Bible?" --
-- "WHA? ME? NO, ONLI CONVENIENT PARTS! I KNOW BETTER DEN GOD LOL" "But God teaches us to follow every word! Please reconsider, friend! I beg of you!" --
-- "NAH, I KNOW BETTER! U WILL BURN! I FOLLOW ONLI PART OF BILBI"
Later.......
-- "YAY, IM DEAD! HI JESUS!!!! OPEN THE HEAVEN GATE 4 ME LOL! NOW!!" "Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." --
-- "yum, I come to sodomize you, HE HE HE" "WTF! NO! LOL!!! BUT IM CHRISTIUNNNNNN" --
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Chapter 3 & the end -
01-20-2010, 03:16 PM
Chapter 3. Confused about what to believe.
-- " Man, I want to believe, but every Christian keeps telling me something else. I'm confused".
"Hey friend, what are you confused about? The KJV 1611 Bible is pretty clear, you know." --
-- "Well, wen Christians talk, it's so irrational and conflicting. They cite Leviticus when it comes to justifying their agenda, but don't follow the rest. It's hypocrisy" "What if I told you they are false Christians and the Bible is inherently logical? You should just not have to inject your own opinion or interpretation." --
-- " Really? Is it really so simple? It's all starting to make sense to me now. God looks like a very intelligent fellow when you look at it from a True Christian™ perspective!" "Yes, friend. You too can become True Christian™. Please, make that choice!" --
-- " YES! I accept Jesus as my Savior and surrender to God and accept the KJV 1611 Bible as the only accurate Word of God! "
Later...
-- "Oh no, I'm dead! Now I must go to Hell, because I wasn't always Christian!" "No friend, you have made the right choices. Remember that True Christian™ you met many years ago? He is dead too. You will get to talk to him a lot where you two are going!" --
-- " COOL! I'm SO GLAD THAT I BECAME A TRUE CHRISTIAN™!"
IN HEAVEN
-- " we're SO happy now!"
IN HELL
-- "sodomy = yum" -- "FFFFUUUU" -- "but I thought I was a Christian.. sniff"
THE END - make the choice!
TRUE CHRISTIANITY™!
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 03:31 PM
Very impressive Brother! Praise the LORD!
I hope this will save a lot of souls.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team The Most Honest Lawyer in America
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,471
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: God's Good Side!
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 03:44 PM
I really appreciate how you wrote it in such a manner as to reach the average atheist brain. They never seem to advance beyond the early teen years and get stuck in rebellious behavior with no logic behind it!
Well done!!
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 04:16 PM
Excellent posts God=Life. I am sure right now in a workshop in Heaven an Angel is making a gold crown with your name on it!
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 04:25 PM
That's wonderful
Mind you, I usually think of when I see Atheists mentioned.
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 04:44 PM
That's a wonderful story, and I pray that it will reach some athests and bring them into the light of True Christianity™. Alas, however, most atheists whom I've met are so firmly attached to their faith in the nonexistence of God that they willfully overlook the abundant evidence for such things as the young Earth, the Great Flood, the Exodus, and the resurrection of Our Lord (exactly as described in all four of the Holy Gospels).
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 05:27 PM
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 05:34 PM
Excellent work Brother! Sometimes a few pictures say more than a thousand words! (except for the KJV, that is, obviously)
Eat this, atheists!
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 06:29 PM
I thought it was great though my two year old wanted to know why it was (in his exact words) "Dumbed down for little kids younger than me?". He is so precious.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 06:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
I thought it was great though my two year old wanted to know why it was (in his exact words) "Dumbed down for little kids younger than me?". He is so precious.
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Yeah, it is hard to imagine those 20 year old atheists are dumber than a 2 year old True Christian. But it is the sad truth. Let's hope GOD=life made it simple enough for them. It might still have to many letters.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 07:36 PM
This is fantastic work brother! I could see you picking up Brother Jack Chick's work when he eventually retires!
I have added this to GOD's Greatest Hits!
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True Christian™
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Posts: 695
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: On an island in the Gulf of Mexico.
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-20-2010, 09:22 PM
Outstanding work!
I believe the cartoon nature of your lessons may actually be within the boundaries of what an atheist (a very high thinking atheist) can grasp.
Glory! What good work you do for our Lord. Praise!
-ND
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-22-2010, 03:29 PM
There's a new edition in the "attention" series:
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=35892
This one is for homosexuals. It's also interesting if one of your friends is homosexual.
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-22-2010, 06:16 PM
Again, excellent work brother! I wholeheartedly encourage you to keep authoring these stories! Truly GOD has blessed you with literary talent.
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On the straight and narrow path to Heaven.
True Christian™
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Posts: 473
Join Date: Nov 2009
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-23-2010, 04:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Very impressive Brother! Praise the LORD!
I hope this will save a lot of souls.
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You don't think its too complicated for them to follow?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-23-2010, 05:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aristotle
You don't think its too complicated for them to follow?
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There might yet be too much letters for most of them, but it should be useful for saving some of the less stupid ones.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
True Christian™
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Posts: 989
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story! -
01-26-2010, 03:30 PM
that were a bootiful lessons for bad folk, Mr.God=Life!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open
Eat this, atheists!
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i thinks this be what they eats --->
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