[Johny Joe Hold]

PUBLIC NOTICE:

Freehold's High School's football team, the She-Bears, is hiring a new person to be inside the She-Bear mascot costume and work the sidelines at football games. The She-Bear is about seven feet high, heavy and very hot inside.

The She-Bear's job is getting the crowd into the game through enthusiastic pantomime. This includes holding up a cross, pointing to the sky when something good happens to our She-Bear team or bad happens to the opposing team (injuries) and assuming a prayer-like pose before point-after kicks.

Please send resumes to:

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
City Hall
Freehold, IA 50322

[Russell Holbeck]

Hello Mayor Johny Joe Hold.

I did not know what you were talking about I do not live in Freehold so I told the colored girl who works for me she smells like coconuts that the mascot for Freehold High was a she-bear and she laughed and said Oh daddy dey are talking about the bears dat ate dem kids and then she got her Bible and showed me 2 Kings 2:23-24 it says:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I am not her daddy she eats raccoons.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I marked it because there is a bald man who lives next to me it might come in handy.

[Brother Larry]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

PUBLIC NOTICE:

Freehold's High School's football team, the She-Bears, is hiring a new person to be inside the She-Bear mascot costume and work the sidelines at football games. The She-Bear is about seven feet high, heavy and very hot inside.

The She-Bear's job is getting the crowd into the game through enthusiastic pantomime. This includes holding up a cross, pointing to the sky when something good happens to our She-Bear team or bad happens to the opposing team (injuries) and assuming a prayer-like pose before point-after kicks.

Please send resumes to:

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
City Hall
Freehold, IA 50322

Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment. I realize this is likely part time, but that's fine with me. I do have a few questions about the job, if I may:

1. Is housing included? If so, is the housing near Pastor Zeke (the young, cute, virile, chiseled, muscular, manly, handsome one)?

2. Do any of Freehold's elite attend the games?

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Russell Holbeck

Hello Mayor Johny Joe Hold.

I did not know what you were talking about I do not live in Freehold so I told the colored girl who works for me she smells like coconuts that the mascot for Freehold High was a she-bear and she laughed and said Oh daddy dey are talking about the bears dat ate dem kids and then she got her Bible and showed me 2 Kings 2:23-24 it says:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I am not her daddy she eats raccoons.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I marked it because there is a bald man who lives next to me it might come in handy.

Thank you, Rusty, for explaing the Holy Scripture's reference to she bears. Were it not for the heroic she bears, our country would be run by unruly children.

That is why the she bear was chosen as mascot at Freehold Public High School.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Brother Larry

Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment.

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry

Larry--I'm really rushed just now with applications coming in and can only answer a couple of your questions. On 3.), knowing Governor Branstad will not help you. He is a RINO and is not welcome in Freehold.

About 4.), did you not know Girl Scouts are liberal harlots and their marijuana-laced cookies are not allowed in Freehold's City Hall?

[Redeemed Papist]

Even a retard knows what's in the Bible better than false Christians. From the mouths of children...

You're a good boy, Russel.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Brother Larry

Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment. I realize this is likely part time, but that's fine with me. I do have a few questions about the job, if I may:

1. Is housing included? If so, is the housing near Pastor Zeke (the young, cute, virile, chiseled, muscular, manly, handsome one)?

2. Do any of Freehold's elite attend the games?

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry

Let me be crystal clear: You are not welcome to move or even visit our private, gated Christian community. Unsaved NOT Welcome. No amount of cookies can change that.

[MitzaLizalor]

I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Brother Larry

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment.

Our newspaper only places personal ads of residents of Freehold. Only True Christians™ are allowed in Freehold. We have the habit of using guns for unwanted visitors.

So please focus your efforts on pleasing Jesus. The King James Holy Bible is your best friend for this. (Deuteronomy 4:2, Revelation 22:18-19, Psalm 12:6-7)

[Russell Holbeck]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.

Hello Mitza Lizalor.

I was using the Google to see if I could answer some of your questions and without going in to detail please do not do an image search on erect bear it means something entirely different than what I was searching for.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Attila's Wife]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.

Has Sister Mitza's account been hacked by some sort of pervert? Think of the danger of such physical proximity, what with the excitement of the game.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

or stand erect throughout the game?

Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.

Thank you Mr Hold. I have taken Mr Holbeck's advice and not wasted bandwidth on a search, I know what a gorilla suit is like so a bear would be pretty similar I suppose. However, although I would be very happy to assist with the mascot I don't think I could manage a 7’ she bear by myself. Also I don't know anything about the game so I'd need an assistant to instruct me what to do—like, I wouldn't know the object of the game and I doubt it's like our local variant (I don't know much about that either)—but if no-one else comes forward ..well, I'd do my best if a position were found for me.

And try not to talk too much.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

Thank you Mr Hold. I have taken Mr Holbeck's advice and not wasted bandwidth on a search, I know what a gorilla suit is like so a bear would be pretty similar I suppose. However, although I would be very happy to assist with the mascot I don't think I could manage a 7’ she bear by myself. Also I don't know anything about the game so I'd need an assistant to instruct me what to do—like, I wouldn't know the object of the game and I doubt it's like our local variant (I don't know much about that either)—but if no-one else comes forward ..well, I'd do my best if a position were found for me.

And try not to talk too much.

Thank you for your offer to help, Sister Mitza. It may be we will need you to be inside the she bear.

Don't worry about understanding football. I can have someone hold up color-coded cards. Blue, pray. Red, hold up cross, Green, point to God.

[Alphonse Alban]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.

I assume that she bear mascot is allowed to charge on the field and tear apart any player who tries to perform any anti-Christian propaganda such as hail Mary pass?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban

I assume that she bear mascot is allowed to charge on the field and tear apart any player who tries to perform any anti-Christian propaganda such as hail Mary pass?

Given what the Bible says, that is a logical question, Brother Alban. I need to clarify the She Bear mascot does not actually do such a thing.

Our team, Freehold She Bears, will be trained to "take it to" players they do not think are adequately in the faith--including quarterbacks who try Hail Mary's.

I tried to explain this in the job description--She Bear will point to heaven when an opposing player is injured.