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Grammar Nazi I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-24-2017, 01:04 AM

http://peterpopoff.org/
There is indisputable proof that Mr. Popoff knows how to get Jesus to hear your prayers. All those that claim he is a charlatan and a fraud just refuse to believe in the Truth™.
Now, here is something I discovered. There is a way to get to the head of the line when asking for Mr. Popoffs help. LBC is working on setting up a hotline, express service. You will simply provide your bank account number, routing number and PIN to the LBC office along with a simple to complete power of attorney. That is it, no donation envelopes, no wondering if you sent enough. Using a complex mathematical formula provided by Jesus Christ and processed using the JesOS operating system running a GodTel 30 core processor, cooled by the blood of The Holy Ghost and 400 gigabites of RAM, the exact amount needed to prove your faith will be deducted from your account merely moments after a deposit is made and cleared.
Praise His Perfect Magnificence!


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-24-2017, 03:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
LBC is working on setting up a hotline, express service. You will simply provide your bank account number, routing number and PIN to the LBC office along with a simple to complete power of attorney. That is it, no donation envelopes, no wondering if you sent enough. Using a complex mathematical formula provided by Jesus Christ and processed using the JesOS operating system running a GodTel 30 core processor, cooled by the blood of The Holy Ghost and 400 gigabites of RAM, the exact amount needed to prove your faith will be deducted from your account merely moments after a deposit is made and cleared.
Wow! I can't believe it's so easy! It really was painless for me, and I can sleep at night knowing that despite however much money I may need to feed my children, the LORD get's His share first!

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Praise His Perfect Magnificence!

Praise Him Indeed!


\0/


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-24-2017, 10:56 PM

The very purpose of that man is to steal the money of suckers who believe in his bullshit.
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-24-2017, 11:05 PM

Pastor Poppoff certainly has a fine website and that picture of him and his wife )I assume it's his wife - there wouldn't be much point is standing next to her if it weren't) just oozes sincerity.

A man who can get those prayers answered is worth his weight in gold.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-24-2017, 11:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by refutator View Post
The very purpose of that man is to steal the money of suckers who believe in his bullshit.
Are you saying that the Bible is bullsh!t? Are you suggesting that it was written by self-serving control freaks who wanted to consolidate their own power and live cushy lives supported by the labor of their followers?


Please make your position clear so I know whether or not to be fearful for the fate of your soul.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Jesus Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-25-2017, 01:14 AM

One of the best things I ever did was to get myself on Brother Popoff's mailing list. He has sent me so many divinely inspired offers and although they require some effort (and of course a donation), the testimonials of those who have been helped were all it took to convince me of his closeness to the Master. For example, LaQueshia of Morningside, SC, wrote:


Brother Prophet Popoff: When you sent me the little plastic shofar and instructed me to blow it every day for seven days, I was skeptical, I admit. I sowed my offering to you in the amount of $26.17 - the exact amount you said would open Heaven's floodgates. I mailed it on a Monday and by Thursday I had a check in the mail from an unknown source in the amount of $32,000! Praise His Name! I also was healed of dropsy and my son's goiter was healed instantly. There is no doubt of the power in the Name of Jesus, Prophet Popoff! God bless you and your ministry! LaQueshia


While I haven't had the same results as Sister LaQueshia, I am sure it's just that it's not God's time yet. After all, God is eternal and I've only been waiting a year or so. I continue to mail back things to him as he instructs. This new service will help me to keep track of the donations. Praise!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-25-2017, 04:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Are you saying that the Bible is bullsh!t? Are you suggesting that it was written by self-serving control freaks who wanted to consolidate their own power and live cushy lives supported by the labor of their followers?


Please make your position clear so I know whether or not to be fearful for the fate of your soul.
What I'm saying is that this guy is an scammer beacuse he charges a price for the sanation procedure, while Jesuschrist did it for free.
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-25-2017, 04:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
One of the best things I ever did was to get myself on Brother Popoff's mailing list. He has sent me so many divinely inspired offers and although they require some effort (and of course a donation), the testimonials of those who have been helped were all it took to convince me of his closeness to the Master. For example, LaQueshia of Morningside, SC, wrote:


Brother Prophet Popoff: When you sent me the little plastic shofar and instructed me to blow it every day for seven days, I was skeptical, I admit. I sowed my offering to you in the amount of $26.17 - the exact amount you said would open Heaven's floodgates. I mailed it on a Monday and by Thursday I had a check in the mail from an unknown source in the amount of $32,000! Praise His Name! I also was healed of dropsy and my son's goiter was healed instantly. There is no doubt of the power in the Name of Jesus, Prophet Popoff! God bless you and your ministry! LaQueshia


While I haven't had the same results as Sister LaQueshia, I am sure it's just that it's not God's time yet. After all, God is eternal and I've only been waiting a year or so. I continue to mail back things to him as he instructs. This new service will help me to keep track of the donations. Praise!
BrotherLarry
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autosuggestion
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Rebuke Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-26-2017, 09:17 AM



The gulf between my intimate knowledge about Jesus and that of the next man is as wide as Eve's cooter after she fell from grace and started her lecherous fornication! Jesus always hears my prayers. He might lend an ear to the whining of this Popoff guy every now and then. Besides, our POTUS Donnie is the second person in the hierarchy of knowing Jesus. Not the Popoff guy!

Get a grip on reality, my flock. Support the Covfefe!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-26-2017, 08:08 PM

I think my mother used to have one of his vegetable peelers.


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Prayer Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-26-2017, 09:11 PM

This entire thread shows just how delusional you Baptwits truly are.

His Holiness Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the Vatican City State, Servant of the servants of God is without doubt number one on this silly hierarchy you are prattling about. Pope Benedict (Ret.d) would, of course, be number two.

This obvious fact aside, how could anyone possibly think that a con-man like Popoff (If he was Jewish would it be Topoff?) would have the ear of Jesus? Satan, yes. Jesus... not a chance.

Shills like him and your 'Pastor' Zeke give Christianity a bad name. When you consider just how long and hard The Catholic Church worked to earn the love and respect of a billion Christians, can you really blame The Church of Rome for bristling at the damage folks you do to Religion?

These grifter cultists are charlatans bent on taking money from the poor to support life-styles best associated with robber-barons and social pillagers the likes of which always end up screaming from the bowels of Hell for eternity. How can anyone think that sending your money to thieves like this is in any way good for your soul?

While quite a few of your flock have left this cult to join His Church*, there are still many here who are badly in need of salvation. It is never too late (Once you are a full-blown Catholic) to enjoy His forgiveness and, given what I read here, you might want to hurry up and get with the programme before His judgement finds you in the middle of money deal with cheap hustlers posing as religious leaders.




Bless you, my desperate dullards,
Father Mo






*Some former Baptwits turned Catholics; One-eyed Jack, Biblethumpingblonde, Brother Wide-O, Sister Talitha, Youth Pastor Marty, Pastor Al, Reverend Green, Brother Eno, Sister Rebecca... the full list available on request.







.


A Cardinal in the making.

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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-27-2017, 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post

*Some former Baptwits turned Catholics; One-eyed Jack, Biblethumpingblonde, Brother Wide-O, Sister Talitha, Youth Pastor Marty, Pastor Al, Reverend Green, Brother Eno, Sister Rebecca... the full list available on request.
.
How DARE YOU give a false witness against our beloved icons of True Christianity™, who are Baptists now and Baptists Forever?



Last edited by Basilissa; 06-27-2017 at 02:40 PM. Reason: wrong keaboard, wrongly placed keys.
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Messicant How dumb can you get? Pastor Ezekiel Prize for Unprecedented Retards

 
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-27-2017, 05:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
This entire thread shows just how delusional you Baptwits truly are.

His Holiness Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the Vatican City State, Servant of the servants of God is without doubt number one on this silly hierarchy you are prattling about. Pope Benedict (Ret.d) would, of course, be number two.

This obvious fact aside, how could anyone possibly think that a con-man like Popoff (If he was Jewish would it be Topoff?) would have the ear of Jesus? Satan, yes. Jesus... not a chance.

Shills like him and your 'Pastor' Zeke give Christianity a bad name. When you consider just how long and hard The Catholic Church worked to earn the love and respect of a billion Christians, can you really blame The Church of Rome for bristling at the damage folks you do to Religion?

These grifter cultists are charlatans bent on taking money from the poor to support life-styles best associated with robber-barons and social pillagers the likes of which always end up screaming from the bowels of Hell for eternity. How can anyone think that sending your money to thieves like this is in any way good for your soul?

While quite a few of your flock have left this cult to join His Church*, there are still many here who are badly in need of salvation. It is never too late (Once you are a full-blown Catholic) to enjoy His forgiveness and, given what I read here, you might want to hurry up and get with the programme before His judgement finds you in the middle of money deal with cheap hustlers posing as religious leaders.




Bless you, my desperate dullards,
Father Mo






*Some former Baptwits turned Catholics; One-eyed Jack, Biblethumpingblonde, Brother Wide-O, Sister Talitha, Youth Pastor Marty, Pastor Al, Reverend Green, Brother Eno, Sister Rebecca... the full list available on request.







.
It's refreshing to behold some good judgement and sanity in this forgotten god site. You, father, has just exposed without any kind of eufenism the fanatism of most of the people who discharges their bitterness over here, or as we say in our poetic language: "poner los puntos sobre las ies" (to set the record straight).

The whole raison d'ętre of this so called baptist churches is to steal the money of desperate people (ex profeso), exploting the need for faith and hope of most human beings.

I think you just forgot one thing, give your pure blessing to this fanatics as was said in Luke 23:23: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Regards.
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Mister Brasil Mister Brasil is offline
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-27-2017, 06:54 PM

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Originally Posted by refutator View Post
It's refreshing to behold some good judgement and sanity in this forgotten god site. You, father, has just exposed without any kind of eufenism the fanatism of most of the people who discharges their bitterness over here, or as we say in our poetic language: "poner los puntos sobre las ies" (to set the record straight).
I believe the words you're looking for are euphemism and fanaticism. Not holding that against you; just thought you'd want to know.

I'm not sure how you can listen to "Father" Lester when the Catholic church holds $8 billion in assets, with a history rife with corruption. Popoff's relatively modest collection of fine vehicles pales in comparison to the wealth available to the Pope, including vehicles with their own oxygen supply (apparently the air of commoners isn't good enough for him.)

Lester is a hypocrite for attacking Popoff. Hence, everything that he says is ridiculous nonsense.

Popoff is an internationally recognized faith healer, recipient of the prestigious Pigasus award for his ministry. What's good for Popoff is good for humanity.


Acts 13:8 And said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-28-2017, 12:29 AM

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Originally Posted by Mister Brasil View Post
Typical misinformation from the trailer-park spawn of Baptwit cousins.

I can assure you that this quoted number is horribly incorrect but what do you expect from folks who voted for a thrice married con-artist best known for his groping!

Also, one must remember that neither The Pope, nor any of the humble servants of Jesus who make up the clergy, owns The Church or its modest assets! These holiest of servants merely work to maintain the gifts to God his devout followers have offered up in thanks to His love over the two thousand years since Jesus died for our sins. The Church is really just a big happy family who share a few places of worship and a mish-mash of artsy trinkets.

Besides, you do not value spirituality through money. The ephemeral earthy wealth that drives flim-flammers like Popoff is a sad representation of what religion should be and a scathing indictment to the manner in which most of these Baptwit cults operate.




Bless you, my Kaopectate kecker,
Father Mo






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A Cardinal in the making.

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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-28-2017, 05:12 AM

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Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
what do you expect from folks who voted for a thrice married con-artist best known for his groping!
From the description, you must be speaking of Newt Gingrich, but I don't remember him on the ballot? Maybe you're referring to the certainty with which Gingrich anticipated, probably still anticipates, a Cabinet position? Our Sovereign appreciates loyalty, but there's something not right about that boy... Oh yeah, I remember now, he's Catholic! Explains it all.


Acts 13:8 And said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-28-2017, 04:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Brasil View Post
I believe the words you're looking for are euphemism and fanaticism. Not holding that against you; just thought you'd want to know.

I'm not sure how you can listen to "Father" Lester when the Catholic church holds $8 billion in assets, with a history rife with corruption. Popoff's relatively modest collection of fine vehicles pales in comparison to the wealth available to the Pope, including vehicles with their own oxygen supply (apparently the air of commoners isn't good enough for him.)

Lester is a hypocrite for attacking Popoff. Hence, everything that he says is ridiculous nonsense.

Popoff is an internationally recognized faith healer, recipient of the prestigious Pigasus award for his ministry. What's good for Popoff is good for humanity.
The "Pigasus" is awarded by a obscure organization lead by a well known atheist and sodomite.
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Mister Brasil Mister Brasil is offline
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Default Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-28-2017, 04:24 PM

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Originally Posted by refutator View Post
The "Pigasus" is awarded by a obscure organization lead by a well known atheist and sodomite.
Well, I wasn't aware of that, but to me, it's clear evidence of what a uniter Popoff is. I've tried to get the attention of sodomites in the past-- it's not as easy as you'd assume, they can be very particular! But Popoff obviously brings people from all backgrounds together to, hopefully, revel in the Light of Jesus.


Acts 13:8 And said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord?
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Prayer Re: I've met the man that Knows Jesus Almost as Well as our Pastor Ezekeil! - 06-28-2017, 05:56 PM

My goodness! All the hate being placed on the Good Minister Popoff's broad shoulders. The accusations have been going on for years. Her has been banned from several countries. Yet like the cream in a sodomites rectum, he still rises again to the top. You cannot keep a good man down. If he were not as he claims, surely Jesus would of smote him by now, further testament to his worthiness. He has been clutching at the reigns of his ministries for over 40 years, certainly longer than any 'pope kiddie fiddler' has managed to stay on.
Friends, the green eyes of jealousy have no place in a Christian home!
1 Corinthians 13

13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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