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Default A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 01:51 PM

A Request for Moral Snow Sculptures

A most Merry Christmas to the wonderful citizens of Freehold. At this time of the year, our City is beautiful. Christmas lights are everywhere and the celebration of the birth of Christ is nearly here.

I have a little request I hope will seem reasonable to all of you. It concerns what I will call "Snow Sculpture", but, really is about snowmen.

As you all know, the traditional thing to do with snow is roll three balls, stack them up, put the coal eyes, stick on a carrot nose on and you have a snowman. Its been done that way forever. It is my hope that all snow scultures be some small variations of this snowman.

What concerns me is that either children, or, adults "helping" children have begun to be what I will call politely, "creative". I have seen some "snowmen" which are obviously snow women. These sculptures have body parts that embarass many of us to look at.

I even saw a snow man on Devine Street that has a human part that could only be call pornographic.

I want all our citizens to enjoy this winter season. My only request is that we all cooperate to make what is seen on our front lawns a credit to our City and to celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

A very Blessed Christmas to each and everyone of you.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 01:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
I even saw a snow man on Devine Street that has a human part that could only be call pornographic.
Mayor Johny Joe, do you mean that snowMan whose arm had become broken off so that it looked like a sinful cripple?

Nauseating
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 03:03 PM

WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF SNOW YOU-KNOW-WHAT BELOW.

Let's not forget to step up the patrols at night, Mayor. We can't have a repeat of last year's debacle when I went to the darky side of town to drop off some legal papers for an Ex-Negroe client of mine and when I came out 6 minutes later, I found a graphic scene had been built on my car by the negroid children in the neighborhood:



They did this almost as fast as the had my car up on blocks the year before!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 03:06 PM

I'm glad my JesOS firewall blocked the picture, Brother Gabe.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 03:44 PM

I was seriously touched by the fellow earlier this year who decided to build a snow-white tribute to Bobby Joe and the boys of the security detail:

A beautiful tribute to the boys who defend Freehold from Satan's dark forces - and that's snow lie!


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 04:51 PM

That reminds me...we should kick-start a youth snowman building contest! Remember a few years ago when we dropped some of them off to do some street preaching in the slum parts of that bastion of heathenhood that is Des Moines, IA? We gave them signs like "God Hates Fags" and "I'll Be Dead Soon...Shout Glory!" etc. They came and found us at the restaurant later saying they were cold and hungry that they had left a snowman to spread the word of God to the people instead? So precious:
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Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 05:00 PM

I prefer using snowmen for target practice:


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

Last edited by Cranky Old Man; 12-23-2010 at 06:58 PM. Reason: Typo
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 06:18 PM

Some of your work Cranky?
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 07:18 PM

For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 09:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ofc. Don W. Richards View Post
For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.

A timely warning, Ofc. Don.

I would appreciate it if you would modify your admonishment to include that all such cases will be brought to my court.

A careful search in my law library found this case: State v Clark Griswold, 1990, 1st District.

Griswold was found guilty of vilus tastus yuckus and was sentenced to yellow snow patrol for the rest of the winter. A very harsh sentence that I will gladly emulate.


The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-23-2010, 11:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ofc. Don W. Richards View Post
For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.
Thank you for stepping forward to help with this, Ofc. Richards.

I just received a call from Mrs. Bjornson at 1325 Trinity. She says there is a "snowman" across the street from her that, so she says, has an arm extended forward with one finger pointed upwards. She said also that a child from the neigborhood stopped in and laughed about the snowman.

She could not remember exactly what the child said, but she recalls that it was something like, "It's giving us the birdy".

I have no idea what that means, or, if the sculpture falls under the category of porn, but I'd appreciate it if you would swing by there and take a look.

JJH


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-25-2010, 12:29 AM

I'm a little concerned about this snowman I spotted across the street from the Freehold Post Office.

It was a snow man Jesus (at least he was depicted as a white Caucasian) on the cross.



I'm not sure if this was made with the intent to praise Jesus, or to blaspheme him.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-25-2010, 02:32 AM

Well, the Hebraics are having their fun, it appears.

This one is grossly nude, has a Menorah on it, and is sticking it's tongue out at us in defiance!!

Please remove it from Butterfield Park immediately.
.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-26-2010, 02:13 AM

You think you have problems. I went down to the beach this morning to enjoy the morning sun, what do I find, a perverted sand pornograghie. Now I have to do two things, 1 install security cameras, 2 Get Sister Lycia to come out of her room, the poor girl ran from the beach crying.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-26-2010, 04:15 AM

There seem to be a large number of unemployed atheist artists these days.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-26-2010, 11:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
You think you have problems. I went down to the beach this morning to enjoy the morning sun, what do I find, a perverted sand pornograghie. Now I have to do two things, 1 install security cameras, 2 Get Sister Lycia to come out of her room, the poor girl ran from the beach crying.
Brother James, that one was particularly horrible, but did you see some of the other sand sculptures? They were just as bad!



It was more than my poor heart could take!


"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

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Default Re: A Request from your Mayor - 12-26-2010, 01:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
Brother James, that one was particularly horrible, but did you see some of the other sand sculptures? They were just as bad!



It was more than my poor heart could take!
Dont you worry sweetness Sister, Uncle James is on it. Monday morning I have a crew comming in to intall a few things so that that will never happen again. I did not want to tell you what happened in the afternoon, I snapped this picture. The woman is clearley a slut(And not the good kind like you)
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