[Rev. M. Rodimer]

After the raging successes of RibFest, SausageFest, and CornCon this year, I'm filled with anticipation for the best Witch Hunt ever!

I just wish it weren't six whole weeks away . . . But then again, my congregation gets a bit testy with me away so much at these "conferences".

I've noticed that, with the rise of "nones" in American society (those who reject all religions, not just Jesus), we are seeing a decline in self-proclaimed "witches". So, it's my recommendation that we expand the definition of "witch" for purposes of the hunt to include:

• Witches (such as Wiccans and pagans): They're witches by definition
• Mediums/Psychics/Tarot Readers: Talking to the dead is necromancy
• My Chemical Romance fans/Emos: Satan-loving freaks
• Theosophists: Because "Blavatsky" sounds blasphemous
• Homeopathists: They believe that water has memories and that ritual counting makes healing power
• Chiropractors: They believe that "life force" needs to be adjusted
• Acupuncturists: See Chiropractors

Are there any other classes of "people" that should be captured for the 2012 Witch Hunt?

Bobby-Joe, please send me three Witch Transport Crates. I've readied the dungeon and am about to begin luring witches with My Chemical Romance music and tranquilizer-laced Twinkies.

[Bjorn Jensen]

You can add illusionists, cause you never know if they are practising real witchcraft or not, in any case it can be considered as attempted witchcraft.

[Whip of Japheth]

This year I have found too 'nests', there will be a good hunt!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

My new witch gattling gun just came in. I can't wait to try it out!

[Deaner]

I ain't gonna do nothing fancy this year. I'm just gonna chain a couple of Wiccans to the back of the truck, fill the back of the truck up with some of the boys... and heave beer bottles at 'em as we drive around town.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Deaner

I ain't gonna do nothing fancy this year. I'm just gonna chain a couple of Wiccans to the back of the truck, fill the back of the truck up with some of the boys... and heave beer bottles at 'em as we drive around town.

That won't net ya the most witches, Brother!

Of course, Zeke somehow always wins. There are certain rumors going around . . .

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

My new witch gattling gun just came in. I can't wait to try it out!

The one I ordered is based on this model, but mine is customized of course.

...it turns out we didn't need a new roof on the south wing of the Landover Baptist Cathedral after all.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

I have found the most wonderful resource!

Twice a month, the "Pyramid of Enlightenment" holds a "psychic fair" in Indianapolis.

Better yet:

Our psychics will be traveling Indianapolis to new locations to better entertain you. Come visit us at any of these locations. Or send us an email at pyramidceo@aol.com requesting your favorite location and we will try to come to you.

An enterprising individual or group could rent a hall in Indianapolis, and offer to host a "psychic fair". Those people would then be able to capture entice . . . well, Lord knows how many witches, necromancers, and the like, to bring to Freehold for the Witch Hunt!

Me? I'm far too busy with my congregation to pull something like that off. Besides, I wouldn't want to be connected to any missing necromancers.

I understand they are pretty hardcore about revenge. Most of them are gypsies, you know.

Speaking of which, has Freehold set up its "Free Gypsy Campground" signs yet? Gypsies are pretty much all witches.

[Deaner]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

The one I ordered is based on this model, but mine is customized of course.

Wow, what a piece of death. Imagine just getting an inch of that barrel up a queer's butt?

[Disobedient69]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

...it turns out we didn't need a new roof on the south wing of the Landover Baptist Cathedral after all.

You're using money for a church roof to buy a weapon to "kill" witches, which are actually human beings that follow different belief systems to you? That is sickening.

[godmockingboob94]

whats a witch hunt and what do you mean by "capture"?

[Levi Jones]

Originally Posted by curiousboob94

whats a witch hunt and what do you mean by "capture"?

Oh, just some good old fashioned fraternity style pranks and hijinks.



Maybe you would like to attend? You could be one of the guests of honor.

[godmockingboob94]

haha ill pass i would be the one you guys prank

im just a troll atm :p

just curious about this one. have a nice day or morning where ever you are.

[Bjorn Jensen]

I will come, and with my i will have the latest Swedish technology, you are all welcome to try it if you want!

[LBC loving Dutchmen]

I'm sure you all remember the rules, but I'll list them again for the new folks.

1. To prove a kill you must submit genitals, teeth, ears or fingers or toes to the Pastors if you cannot bring in the entire body.

2. Severely maiming will get you points, but it's not as good as a kill.

You will need a permit, they are now available in the Church Lobby. The cost is $4.25. If you are not able to afford the cost of a Witch Hunting Permit, please fill out a "Hardship" Form available from a Pastor and a permit will be provided for you free of charge.

1: will do. are pictures also good? I doubt whether LIEberal dutch custom office allows them through

I wired the money (and some extra) for the permit. I hope I'll get it in time.

[death to witches]

Remember people who practice homopathy and those Quantum physicists are witches to.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by death to witches

Remember people who practice homopathy and those Quantum physicists are witches to.

Homeopathy is perfectly legitimate for a True Christian™. After all, to look at how it works objectively, one could only conclude it doesn't. However, the real homeopathic knows that between dilutions the container holding the liquid must be "succussed" (the homopathic version of being "banged" or "hit") against a leather bound bible. That's what potentizes the remedy.

[Oliver_Cromwell]

I have built a cage to throw all the junior witches into that call at the house demanding trick or treat. When the cage is full I shall submerge it in the river, Any that survive are surely witches and shall be burnt in a massive pyre I have erected.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by curiousboob94

whats a witch hunt and what do you mean by "capture"?

What part of "hunt", "capture", and "kill" do you not understand?

Freehold is the only place in America where God's Law is enforced.

Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.