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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 05:11 AM
Brothers and sisters, I need ALL your prayers today, for this is my 66,666th post on this Godly forum. And though it is God's favorite, and though I know that I am covered by His sweet, sweet blood, I also know that I am a juicy target for satan.
Dog Farts! DOG FARTS!
It begins.....
Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood! Jesus cover me with your blood!
NO! Get thee HENCE!!
CALL THE Prayer Warriors! I need you boys!!
givemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemeth ebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgi vemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemetheb loodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgive methebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemetheblo odgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodgiveme thebloodgivemethebloodgivemethebloodoh jesus.
Almighty God, Who delivered Your people from the bondage of the adversary, and through Your Son cast down Satan like lightning, deliver me also from every influence of unclean spirits. Command Satan to depart far from me by the power of Your only begotten Son. Rescue me from demonic imaginings and darkness. Fill me with the light of the Holy Spirit that I may be guarded against all snares of crafty demons. Grant that an angel will always go before me and lead me to the path of righteousness all the days of my life, to the honor of Your glorious Name, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and forever. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Walk with me firejesus.
Quote:
Isaiah 8:19 And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?
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Miriam the hairdresser, mother of Jesus was a whore and the descendant of princes and governors who played the harlot with carpenters.€--The Babylonian Talmud, Judaism€s most holy book, Sanhedrin 106a
Having owned, at one time or another, ALL of the worlds oceans,
I'm uniquely qualified to give you advice.
1) Always buy an Ocean at HIGH TIDE. More water means More Ocean!
2) If you buy an Ocean that's being sold with it's "Contents Included",
make certain to purchase it when PLENTY of people are swimming in it.
Try to make sure that there are numerous vessels out at sea that day.
You see, both the PEOPLE, and the VESSELS will automatically become YOURS
this way!!!
This can lead to much greater profits!
For instance, on the day I bought the Pacific Ocean, I made SURE that Former President
Richard Nixon was swimming in it.
I never resold Nixon, but I enjoyed his kindly servitude for many years afterwards!
3) When buying a warm weather Ocean, such as THE INDIAN OCEAN,
make sure to bargain!
Warm weather causes severe EVAPORATION!
Don't get suckered into paying for RAIN that someone else already owns!
I hope this answers all your questions!
8 gets you 9 in Bangcock.
....There. Much better.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 05:40 AM
This is going to require my special prayer in tongues.
la-hando-satelay-eek-condele-mosandrey-aseya-shambla-hambla-keester-tuch-shon-zooka.
You have to post again, Pastor. It's the only way to undo the evil of post number 66,666.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 06:00 AM
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 161
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Spain, glorious land in the past, sinner home now.
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 06:10 AM
My humble prayers are for you. Your soul is very expensive for Satan and God, fight hard and keep strong estimated Pastor! You must trust in our Savior!
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man ( ): but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
Your pupil in Him
Whip of Japheth (Job Matamoros Osborne)
Whosoever he be that doth rebel against thy commandment, and will not hearken unto thy words in all that thou commandest him, he shall be put to death: only be strong and of a good courage.
Joshua 1:18
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 07:10 AM
Did one of invisible Romney's wives pass you some of that stash they stole from me?
That shit's not for rookies, pal, but it should fade over next six hours or thereabouts, so just relax. Put some Pink Floyd or vintage Rush on the stereo. Do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery.
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Unsaved trash - God mocking whore
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Posts: 283
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Amsterdam
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 07:39 AM
Welcome to the real world, you will love it.
Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 02:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
la-hando-satelay-eek-condele-mosandrey-aseya-shambla-hambla-keester-tuch-shon-zooka
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I can translate this:
You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about.
Truly the Lord works in mysterious ways to put these words in your mouth, Brother Levi.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 03:59 PM
Dog farts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
Did one of invisible Romney's wives pass you some of that stash they stole from me?
That shit's not for rookies, pal, but it should fade over next six hours or thereabouts, so just relax. Put some Pink Floyd or vintage Rush on the stereo. Do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery.
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Great. He'll be wasted on your nasty drugs and being brainwashed into Hobbitphilia and random Tolkein-inspired perversions.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 04:48 PM
Pastor Ezekiel, are you feeling well today?
Please, look at the attached ink blot test and mark one of the following choices that best explains how you feel about it:
1) Positively NOT interested at all
2) Mildly stirred, with a hunger for pizza
3) Ferociously and unashamedly aroused
This is a simple test Landover University administered to me to prove that I was not gay at all, and depending on your answer, you may be interested in heading on over to LBU for an assessment and further testing for demon possession and bewitchment that might be a risk involved with making your 66,666th.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 08:28 PM
I've sent my prayers!
Try to think of happy times and this too shall pass.
Always by your side,
Thumper
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 08:30 PM
I'm getting worried about Pastor Zeke. He hasn't posted since.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 09:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth
I'm getting worried about Pastor Zeke. He hasn't posted since.
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I'm sure he's in his prayer closet, praying hard.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-04-2012, 10:48 PM
I just got back from driving by his house. (I have a special emergency access code for his security gate.)
Pastor Ezekiel didn't answer the door, but I saw a black cat run across his lawn.
I'm very concerned.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-05-2012, 01:26 AM
The Power of Christ Compels You! The Power of Christ Compels You! The Power of Christ Compels You!
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Post #66,666! Please Pray For Me!! -
09-05-2012, 01:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Viking
The Power of Christ Compels You! The Power of Christ Compels You! The Power of Christ Compels You!
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I hope he doesn't barf.
I hate it when they barf.
It always ends up in my shoe.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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