Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > Pastor Zeke's News Wire
Reload this Page Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus.
Pastor Zeke's News Wire Keep up to date with an ever-changing world from an even more Godlier perspective than FOX News.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Levi Jones's Avatar
Levi Jones Levi Jones is offline
Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
 

True Christian™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Gunfest '06 Tithing Manager Saved 1 Year Pastor of GOD One Year/1000 posts Senior Pastor Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Tell her once Persecuted Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Punched the most queers 2010 Witch Hunt Award Pro-Life Outreach preacher Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Public Awareness Medal Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Long service medal, 3rd class True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Touched by Jesus Kirk Cameron Fan Club Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Hands Off Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory Probing for Jesus Alternative Facts Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Saved 5 Years Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-25-2013, 06:19 AM

The Great Cross Alliance is going to be a mausoleum that will be larger than the three great pyramids combined.

We need you to dig deep, folks to secure a spot of honor for your beloved Pastors.

We will be trying to raise 20 million for Zeke's modest burial monument. Plus, we will be supporting America's lifeblood Capitalism.



Quote:
Laurie and Mike Nowland are on a mission to build a giant cross monument that will be bigger in volume than the three Great Pyramids, after being inspired by a dream. It will also serve as "a massive columbarium and mausoleum that will be a physical memorial to Jesus Christ," holding the remains of 1 million believers.
"The goal was to build a landmark that would serve to once again unite the body of Christ," they explained in an informational video, which compares the proposed monument to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. "The Christian world hasn't built great monuments for a while, and it's time to build another one," said Mike Nowland.
Standing 183 feet tall and half a mile long, the 1 billion dollar Great Cross will dominate the landscape of the Nevada desert near Reno and is designed to last for ten thousand years. It will be clearly visible from space, as its size will be the equivalent of ten U.S. football fields long.
The immense project has an innovative building and funding plan, in which construction will slowly proceed level-by-level from the ground up, continually paid for by membership sales. Mike Nowland explained, "The Great Cross will be built as people become members, and this is why we are certain that it's going to be successful financially." Construction is planned to begin in 2014 if the Nowlands sell 400 spaces, which range in price from $4,000 to $30,000, by April 1, 2014.
The Great Cross Alliance is a for-profit enterprise, because, as Mike Nowland told Northern Nevada Business Weekly, "people don't take nonprofits seriously." The website estimates that the initial costs will be less than 2 million dollars to get the project off the ground, due to the low cost of the desert land among other factors.
I would just like you all to know this is in no way funded directly by Landover Baptist as a part of the Habakkuk foundation. This is not a lair for us to plan world domination before any rumors start to fly.


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson's Avatar
Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson is offline
Pastor of Praise and Worship
A True Christian™ Straight Shooter
True Christian™

True Christian™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Tell her once Christian Love Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Punched the most queers Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Tithing Manager Gunfest '09 Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Pastor of GOD Senior Pastor The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Persecuted Mission to Japan Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork Outreach preacher Tagging for Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth True Christian Provider™ award Jailed for JESUS Ex-liberal 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior Truck Stop Ministry Member True Christian™ Cowboy Anti-sodomy

 
Posts: 3,891
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Being led by the Spirit.
Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-26-2013, 01:53 AM

I hope they don't allow sodomites or bean lickers to be interred there. Can you imagine how offensive to God that would be?

It would be like the Tower of Babel.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Mary Etheldreda's Avatar
Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
Gushing for Jesus
 

Protected by JESUS Christian Love Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Cleanest Kitchen Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Persecuted Pro-Life Most Obedient Friend of Jesus True Christian Homemaker True Christian Beauty 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College True Republican Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Quiverful Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Super Soaker Baptism Award 3rd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Christian Lady Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Tomato Staker Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Hatchet Child Rearing Award 4th Year Bible College Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion Babysitter Stamp of Approval Home Schooled Trump of GOD Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch The Lord’s Witness Wound The Lord’s Witness Wound Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mama Grizzly Platinum Tither Best stoning bucket 2015 Witch Hunt Award Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory Crown of Rejoicing Saved 5 Years BFF of Jesus Gunfest '14 Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts 20,000 posts Crown of Righteousness Flat Earth Anti-abortion GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden Public Awareness Medal

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-26-2013, 05:48 PM

I'm happy to report, Mr. Etheldreda has reserved a plot for me in the $Billion Monument to JESUS!



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Alphonse Alban's Avatar
Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator Flat Earth Tell her once Bronze Tither Christian Love Porn Resistant Iceland Honorary Ex-Eskimo Pro-Life Public Awareness Medal Punched the most queers Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Ex-Scandinavian TC Bravery Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Babysitter Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Crown of Life True Heterosexual™ Saved 5 Years Mower Alternative Facts Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 5,720
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Surrounded by feral eskimos.
Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alphonse Alban will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-26-2013, 06:39 PM

Basically this sounds good, but I am bit woried about the prize. One billion dollars just sounds bit low and tacky for the greates monument for our LORD. How does it look for Jesus if there are bunch of messican contractors just loitering aimlessly around the building site for few years. Even worse, think about if some sand-nigras will use their ill-acquired oil money and build 2 billion dollar monument for some moon god after we have finished this one.

No, in my opinion we should aim at least to 10 billion dollar monument. Everyone can make beautiful and sensible monuments and buildings but nothings says more "We are the chosen people" than extravagant prize tag that others can't match. We can't sell Jesus this cheap.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-27-2013, 06:56 PM

I have had Hutchins LLC make a tax deductible donation on behalf of all Landover Pastors. I have set up a trust to create a $100,000 endowment to be funded after ten years. This is done assuming my wife out lives me.

I have also secured a spot for myself. I already had a plot for Mrs. Hutchins down by the swamp so there is no point is spending money for another when she has a perfectly good place waiting.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Reserve your grave plot in the 1 billion dollar monument to Jesus. - 08-27-2013, 07:22 PM

I was able to pledge 20$
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Don't bet on it!!!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
it's totally a lair, project habakkuk


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved