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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Jesus Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 07:36 AM

Greetings, my brothers and sisters in Christ! I'm so happy God has finally answered my prayers and helped me to find this Godly community! I've been looking for a true church for a long time! Travelling all these years around the world and looking for True Christians! And I've finally found you on this lovely forum! Here with you I feel myself at home. I'm so sick of these pseudo-christians who mock God by picking up from the Bible the verses they like and then preaching only these parts of the Bible in their Satan's churches! Isn't it said in the Bible 2 Timothy 3:1:All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness!!! Why don't you quote this, you liberal piffles! You all gonna burn on hell for this! You don't know who you're messing with! You're messing with ou Lord Jesus Christ and He will damn you for that! Revelations 22:19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
So, you see now my new brothers and sisters in Christ how horrible it is for a True Christian to live in the word of sin between unbelievers and pseudo-christians! Not a single word can be taken out of Bible (unless you want to go to hell)! And that's why I think that Landover Baptist Church is the right place for me! I've got no desire to go to hell whatsoever! Not like all those homers and retards who chose their sinful lifestyles over the eternal life in Heaven with Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ! Please accept me into your community!
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 09:03 AM

Hello rambunctious,

Welcome to this forum. Can you tell us what church you go to, what your favourite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus? The True Christians want to know this, that is why they put these questions in the introduction forum description you see at the top of this page.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 10:03 AM

Here's a few of my favourite Bible verses:
Leviticus 24:16
And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Genesis 1:26
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

John 8:7
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Proverbs 3:7
“Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.”

I don't go to any church at the moment, because I couldn't find any church that would suit me, until I came across Landover Baptist Church!
How I came to find Jesus? I didn't find Him! Jesus came to find me! And I simply couldn't resist Him! I've read all the Gospels many times over and over again and I couldn't find any fault in Him!
Everything he did was done with such uprightness, wisdom, holiness and gentleness that nothing faulty or distorted could be found in Him! How can anyone not to believe in Him???!!! I simply can not understand...
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Question Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 01:04 PM

Welcome to our Godly forum, friend! Do you have a wife? If so, how many children has she given to you?


Psalm 53:1
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 01:28 PM

No, God has not given me wife yet. But I keep myself pure and pray everyday for God to give me a wife and at least 3-5 kids(4 boys and 1 girl preferably).
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 01:33 PM

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Originally Posted by rambunctious View Post
No, God has not given me wife yet. But I keep myself pure and pray everyday for God to give me a wife and at least 3-5 kids(4 boys and 1 girl preferably).
I have a good feeling about our new friend here.

Welcome, chap!


I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 02:07 PM

Thank you, brother! I'm so happy to be here!
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 02:49 PM

Have you had any experiences with happy-slappy seeker-sensitive (Satan-serving) so-called churches?


Revelation 19:15 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God."
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 04:34 PM

Of course I did! And I was really disgusted with it! Those perverts are going straight to hell for twisting the Holy Scriptures of the Bible and their homer ways of praising the Lord!
Here, on Landover Baptist Church forum I found a very good teaching on how we (True Christians) should praise our Lord and I completely 100% agree with it!
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showt...ghlight=matter
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 05:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rambunctious View Post
No, God has not given me wife yet. But I keep myself pure and pray everyday for God to give me a wife and at least 3-5 kids(4 boys and 1 girl preferably).
So you are unmarried? Welcome to our friendly forums

MISS Naomi Ruth Lamb
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1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
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Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 07:28 PM

Do you have a name, son? How old are you, and where do you hail from? What Church were you raised in?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 07:30 PM

es, I am unmarried. For many years I was unable to find myself a proper wife. But now I'm spending twice as much time in my prayer closet praying to God to give me a True Christian wife that I have no doubts it will happen soon!

Luke 18:27 And He said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

I'm sure there should be a plenty of young virgins for a TrueChristian like me to choose from in this Godly Community!
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 07:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rambunctious View Post
es, I am unmarried. For many years I was unable to find myself a proper wife. But now I'm spending twice as much time in my prayer closet praying to God to give me a True Christian wife that I have no doubts it will happen soon!

Luke 18:27 And He said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

I'm sure there should be a plenty of young virgins for a TrueChristian like me to choose from in this Godly Community!
Rambunctious,

First of all, you may not refer to yourself as a True Christian until that decision has been made after a thorough determination by the Department of Faith. It simply isn't yours to decide.

Please do respond to pastor's questions about your name, age and also, if you wouldn't mind, your annual income and credit rating. I would like to point out that the beautiful young lady that responded to you above is our lovely and wifely Naomi Ruth. Anyone here can tell you about her in greater detail. I won't brag since Jesus wouldn't like that.

In prayer,
Deborah and Shadrach
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 08:10 PM

[QUOTE=Pastor Ezekiel;1143864]Do you have a name, son? How old are you, and where do you hail from? What Church were you raised in?



Hello, Pastor Ezekiel!I am so delighted to hear from you! My name is Alex and I'm 30 years old. I've already went through " "Noobs" please read this before posting." and I can honestly say that I know all that by heart already! It took me a while though to learn all my rights on this forum... There's so many of them!
I've been through many churches but I haven't yet found a right one for myself until I came across Landover Baptist Church!
I am a citizen of the world and I can be anywhere anytime! I myself don't know where I'm gonna be tomorrow . . . God only knows that! (You can always ask Him if you really interested in it!)
Luke 9:58
Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his hea
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-25-2015, 08:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shad and Deb Lamb View Post
Rambunctious,

First of all, you may not refer to yourself as a True Christian until that decision has been made after a thorough determination by the Department of Faith. It simply isn't yours to decide.

Please do respond to pastor's questions about your name, age and also, if you wouldn't mind, your annual income and credit rating. I would like to point out that the beautiful young lady that responded to you above is our lovely and wifely Naomi Ruth. Anyone here can tell you about her in greater detail. I won't brag since Jesus wouldn't like that.

In prayer,
Deborah and Shadrach

I apologise for calling myself a True Christian before it's been determined by Department of Faith!
As you know I'm new here, so it may take a while for me to learn all the rules!
I've already answered all the Pastor Ezekiel's questions and I wouldn't mind to let you know my annual income and credit rating!
I wouldn't even mind to give you all my online banking logins and passwords so you could see it for yourselves!(You can always trust to Godly people with anything!)
But with my super high income and insane credit rating I'm afraid it would be bragging!
And I won't brag cause Jesus doesn't like that!;-)
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-26-2015, 03:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rambunctious Alex View Post
Hello, Pastor Ezekiel!I am so delighted to hear from you! My name is Alex and I'm 30 years old. I've already went through " "Noobs" please read this before posting." and I can honestly say that I know all that by heart already! It took me a while though to learn all my rights on this forum... There's so many of them!
I've been through many churches but I haven't yet found a right one for myself until I came across Landover Baptist Church!
I am a citizen of the world and I can be anywhere anytime! I myself don't know where I'm gonna be tomorrow . . . God only knows that! (You can always ask Him if you really interested in it!)
Where were you born? Everyone was born someplace. I don't buy all this "citizen of the world" nonsense. Sounds communistic.

What church did your father take you to? How many sons has your wife given you? At the age of 30 you should be almost a grandfather.

We need to hear about your walk with Jesus before we can feel that we can welcome you into our forum. We get plenty of queers, atheists and witches sent in here by their master satan in an effort to destroy God's favorite forum. We can't be too careful.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-26-2015, 07:43 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Where were you born? Everyone was born someplace. I don't buy all this "citizen of the world" nonsense. Sounds communistic.

What church did your father take you to? How many sons has your wife given you? At the age of 30 you should be almost a grandfather.

We need to hear about your walk with Jesus before we can feel that we can welcome you into our forum. We get plenty of queers, atheists and witches sent in here by their master satan in an effort to destroy God's favorite forum. We can't be too careful.
Hi, Pastor Ezekiel! My father never took me to any churches. But my grandmother was taking me Christian Orthodox Church since I was 7 years old. I was born in Russia, but most of my adult life I've spent living in California. 5 years ago I moved to Australia. Because I'm travelling a lot around the world it's very hard for me to find a proper church for myself and a True Christian wife. That's why I'd like to join your Godly online community and be a full-time member of Landover Baptist Church!

You're absolutely right Pastor Ezekiel - you can't be too careful these days! There's so many queers, atheists and witches arround. And I've see many of them attacking Godly people of Landover Baptist Church forum in their vain attempts to destroy God's favourite forum!

But I'm not one of them! During my walk with Christ Satan's been trying hard to get me confused and lost by making me read such satanic books as "Origin of species", "God's delusion", "The Fabric of the Cosmos ", and many other works of such sinners as Sigmund Freud, Stephen Hawking, Richard Dawkins and so on... But their foolishness didn't work on me!
Romans 1:22-23
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

So you can be 100% sure I am not a stinky filthy atheist! I don't buy that 5 billion years old Earth and evolution of species! I'm not a monkey, my father wasn't a monkey, my grandfather wasn't a monkey and I'm pretty sure that my grand-grandfather wasn't a monkey either! Those perverts who believe such nonsense make me sick!

I can't wait till I stand next to Jesus in Heaven and I watch all them monkey-lovers burn in hell! I'll be laughing at them and spitting at their dirty monkey faces!

Please Pastor Ezekiel accept me into your community! I want to be saved! Praise be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-26-2015, 04:32 PM

Hello, Alex, and to God's favorite forum!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rambunctious Alex View Post
Hi, Pastor Ezekiel! My father never took me to any churches. But my grandmother was taking me Christian Orthodox Church since I was 7 years old.
That's terrible! Poor dear! How irresponsible on the part of your grandmother to have taken you to this den of iniquity, where people worship false idols (Exodus 20:4, Leviticus 26:1):



I do hope that you've repented for the sin of even being in such a place, dear?

Quote:
I was born in Russia, but most of my adult life I've spent living in California. 5 years ago I moved to Australia. Because I'm travelling a lot around the world it's very hard for me to find a proper church for myself and a True Christian wife. That's why I'd like to join your Godly online community and be a full-time member of Landover Baptist Church!
Post wisely rather than often, and remember to support everything you say with an appropriate Scripture passage: that is the only way to Salvation™, dear.

Quote:
So you can be 100% sure I am not a stinky filthy atheist! I don't buy that 5 billion years old Earth and evolution of species! I'm not a monkey, my father wasn't a monkey, my grandfather wasn't a monkey and I'm pretty sure that my grand-grandfather wasn't a monkey either! Those perverts who believe such nonsense make me sick!
Amen, dear. God placed all these so called "fossils" in the ground to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27).
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rambunctious Alex rambunctious Alex is offline
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-27-2015, 06:19 AM

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Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Hello, Alex, and to God's favorite forum!



That's terrible! Poor dear! How irresponsible on the part of your grandmother to have taken you to this den of iniquity, where people worship false idols (Exodus 20:4, Leviticus 26:1):


I do hope that you've repented for the sin of even being in such a place, dear?
Hello, sister! I've repented for that sin already answered asked God many times to forgive me for such abominable transgression! I know some false christians and atheists might say that it wasn't my fault since I was only a child, but I strongly disagree with them!
Exodus 20:5
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

That proves that we are responsible not only for the sins of our fathers, but also grandfathers, grandmothers, grand-grandfathers and so on unto the fourth generation! Can someone prove me wrong?

Leviticus 26:1 states clearly that:
Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God.

That means that everyone who prays to the icon commits a sin, therefore will go to hell unless he repents!
Hard to believe, but almost the whole population of Russia will go to hell, since Orthodoxy is the most popular religion there! That's why I was so happy to leave it and come to Godly USA!
Actually they might get a little break there in hell, because Russians have a Godly President (Mr. Putting) who keeps the whole country protected from homosexuality and sodomy through anti gay laws and free government funded give away of ass plugs to protect people from being raped by those perverted homers! I'm actually wearing one myself all the time now, no matter what country I go to... You can't be too careful these days! Too bad Obama spends all the taxpayer's money for Satanscare instead of giving the people of United States the real protection and care they need!
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Default Re: Hello, everyone! - 04-27-2015, 07:57 AM

Добро пожалуйвать! Welcome to our friendly forum. I, too, at one time, lived in Russia and witnessed to the idle youth in Chistye Prudy. Many of them were lost, homeless even, usually hungry, and were happy to come to my apartment where I could give them a good feeding.

Russian orthodox churches are totally inappropriate places. Full of gold and graven images. Most don't even have benches, and the parishioners have to stand up the whole time. Not civilized at all. And the priests are wearing dresses that look like Spanish women at a funeral.
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"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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