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Default True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 02:06 PM

Lately I've been doing a study on the subject of marital harmony (for somewhat personal reasons) and I ran across a copy of the following document among my late grandfather's papers. I think the scoring is excellent and fair, and I recommend that every True Christian™ household have several copies on hand, so that you Godly Husbands might fill them out and keep your wives informed of their weak points on a regular basis.

Call me a modernist, but I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that True Christian™ wives should know in advance the reasons why they're being disciplined.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 03:35 PM

So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 04:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?
Oh how typical, derail the thread, fail to respond to the topic, pry into personal affairs and cast aspersions and accusations of abomination! Is there an ounce of goodness in you woman?!

Look, just take the entire test here and let's see what you say you score! (Though why I assume you will be honest I don't know; call me soft and trusting!)- I'm anticipating not much more than 7 for you.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 05:22 PM

Here you go again Crotch. Why don't you go make a sandwich for your poor persecuted husband ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
So are you finally actually going to marry Thumper so you can pose as straight?




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 06:39 PM

Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plus side. What kind of wife lets her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???
That is wrong! That should be a minus!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Last edited by eliot mayfield; 09-21-2008 at 09:35 PM.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 07:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plaus side. What kind of wife let's her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???
That is wrong! That should be a minus!
Maybe it was prepared by one of those fanatic Seventh-Day Adventist cultists who spit in the LORD's face by keeping Saturday instead of Sunday!



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- Proverbs 15:3

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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 07:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Pastor Zeke, better look at number 12 again on the plus side. What kind of wife let's her man sleep late on the Lord's day and miss church???
Well, Church doesn't start until 9:00 AM, and men don't take long to get ready, so a man can sleep until around 8 or so and still get to church on time. A wife should get up, get herself and the kids ready, and not wake her husband until breakfast is ready.

Pastor Billy-Reuben


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 09:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post
Well, Church doesn't start until 9:00 AM, and men don't take long to get ready, so a man can sleep until around 8 or so and still get to church on time. A wife should get up, get herself and the kids ready, and not wake her husband until breakfast is ready.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
Well, I like a mighty big breakfast on a Sunday morning and not to mention the Sunday Freehold Times is quite a big issue!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Oh how typical, derail the thread, fail to respond to the topic, pry into personal affairs and cast aspersions and accusations of abomination! Is there an ounce of goodness in you woman?!

Look, just take the entire test here and let's see what you say you score! (Though why I assume you will be honest I don't know; call me soft and trusting!)- I'm anticipating not much more than 7 for you.

I took your silly quiz and scored a 49, which is in the average range. But this isn't the 1930's, it's 2008, and according to my husband, I am an excellent wife. And quite frankly, his opinion of me as a spouse is the only one that counts.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 11:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SayvedByTheLord View Post
Here you go again Crotch. Why don't you go make a sandwich for your poor persecuted husband ?
It's his turn to cook and he's making lasagne.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 11:31 PM

No doubt your heathenish husband finds you quite acceptable, Iron Crotch. But he has undoubtedly never met a True Christian™ Lady.

Although I thought it was rather a good chart, I felt there needed to be more categories, such as:

Demerits:

* She doesn't obey immediately.
* She has a job outside the home.
* She fails to do the laundry correctly.
* One can detect a speck of dust in the house.
* The house is not decorated beautifully and in a color-coordinated manner.
* The children are not beaten regularly.
* She ever "refuses" you. (How can one "rape" their wives? )


God hates Seth Cochrane.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 11:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jean Poole View Post
No doubt your heathenish husband finds you quite acceptable, Iron Crotch. But he has undoubtedly never met a True Christian™ Lady.

He's known a few - he finds them boring.

Although I thought it was rather a good chart, I felt there needed to be more categories, such as:

Demerits:

* She doesn't obey immediately.

There was no "obey" in our wedding vows. Neither of us takes orders from the other.

* She has a job outside the home.

We both have jobs. One ncome would not be sufficient to make the housenote, keep the utilities on, etc.

* She fails to do the laundry correctly.

I do my laundry and he does his. We're both very particular about our clothes, and neither of us cares for the way the other does laundry.

* One can detect a speck of dust in the house.

Dust is a fact of life. Even if you dust every day, dust particles will settle out of the air onto surfaces.

* The house is not decorated beautifully and in a color-coordinated manner.

The furniture and drapes in each room match, but neither of us sees much point in all the rooms matching each other. In fact, we prefer a bit of variety in the decor.

* The children are not beaten regularly.

We have no children, but if we did, we would not beat them. We have lots of pets, and we don't beat them either.

* She ever "refuses" you. (How can one "rape" their wives? )
If you're not both in the mood, and you force the issue, it's rape. A wedding ring and a marriage license does not give you the right to sex on demand.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 11:48 PM

I don't believe this for a minute:
Quote:
* She fails to do the laundry correctly.

OIC: I do my laundry and he does his. We're both very particular about our clothes, and neither of us cares for the way the other does laundry.
Somehow you've shamed your husband into thinking that he should be doing his own laundry. No man cares how his laundry is done, other than it is done right.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-21-2008, 11:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I don't believe this for a minute:
Somehow you've shamed your husband into thinking that he should be doing his own laundry. No man cares how his laundry is done, other than it is done right.
Brother Nobar, her "husband" is a limp-wristed queer who lives in a cage most of the time. He's not a Man in the True Christian™ sense of the word.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:03 AM

She's even forcing him to substitute pets for children. How insane is that?? This 'man' should force his way with her and make her have children for him. It's the Christian thing to do. She'll thank him later.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I don't believe this for a minute:
Somehow you've shamed your husband into thinking that he should be doing his own laundry. No man cares how his laundry is done, other than it is done right.

He's not ashamed of doing his own laundry. He had been doing it for a long time before we met.
And just because you don't care how your clothes are laundered (do you even know how to properly launder your own clothes?), doesn't mean that other men don't.


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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
She's even forcing him to substitute pets for children. How insane is that?? This 'man' should force his way with her and make her have children for him. It's the Christian thing to do. She'll thank him later.

When we met, he was sterile and I was in the early stages of menopause. We couldn't make a baby together if the fate of the free world rested on it, but that doesn't keep us from enjoying sex. In fact, we enjoy it even more since we don't have to worry about me getting pregnant.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
When we met, he was sterile and I was in the early stages of menopause. We couldn't make a baby together if the fate of the free world rested on it, but that doesn't keep us from enjoying sex. In fact, we enjoy it even more since we don't have to worry about me getting pregnant.
Okay, that's just disgusting. Why do you insist on fouling our Godly forum with your revolting personal revelations? If Jesus has seen fit to strike you barren, that is not a sign that you should fornicate like rutting farm animals.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
When we met, he was sterile and I was in the early stages of menopause. We couldn't make a baby together if the fate of the free world rested on it, but that doesn't keep us from enjoying sex. In fact, we enjoy it even more since we don't have to worry about me getting pregnant.
S*x is not to be enjoyed. It is to produce babies. You and your excuse for a husband should never have got married if you are too old to reproduce.


God hates Seth Cochrane.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss - 09-22-2008, 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch View Post
Quote:
No doubt your heathenish husband finds you quite acceptable, Iron Crotch. But he has undoubtedly never met a True Christian™ Lady.
He's known a few - he finds them boring.
Probably because they refused to mount him with a strap-on


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

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