Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 10:02 AM
Old Iron Crotch: How long have you been married to your husband? Are you newlyweds or have you been married for a while?
Ma 26:64 "Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven."
If you think this is blasphemy, take is up with God and Jesus!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 12:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kris A.
Old Iron Crotch: How long have you been married to your husband? Are you newlyweds or have you been married for a while?
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We've been together 5 years in this life. We're certain that we were soulmates in previous lives as well.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 12:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
We've been together 5 years in this life. We're certain that we were soulmates in previous lives as well.
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More blasphemy!!
The Holy Bible does NOT mention past lives! You owe Jesus an apology, witch!!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 07:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
More blasphemy!!
The Holy Bible does NOT mention past lives! You owe Jesus an apology, witch!!
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The Bible isn't my book.
As for an apology to a deity I don't worship - ain't gonna happen in this lifetime.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 08:17 PM
This is definitely a TMI moment Crotch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
When we met, he was sterile and I was in the early stages of menopause. We couldn't make a baby together if the fate of the free world rested on it, but that doesn't keep us from enjoying sex. In fact, we enjoy it even more since we don't have to worry about me getting pregnant.
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Leviticus 26:27-29
27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 08:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SayvedByTheLord
This is definitely a TMI moment Crotch.
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You lot are the ones insisting that people should only be married for the purpose of making babies. Believe it or not, there are people who actually marry for no other reason than love for each other.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 09:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
You lot are the ones insisting that people should only be married for the purpose of making babies. Believe it or not, there are people who actually marry for no other reason than love for each other.
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Um, have you got Bible scripture to back that up, iron buns?
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 09:14 PM
How do you know what a strap-on is?
We do not allow this space to be used for the dissemination of atheistic nazi propaganda. KJV Scripture is more appropriate. --Admin
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 09:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy
Um, have you got Bible scripture to back that up, iron buns?
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I don't need it, since your scriptures aren't mine.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 09:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matthew Gabriel
How do you know what a strap-on is?
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Doesn't everyone?
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-27-2008, 11:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
and according to my husband, I am an excellent wife. And quite frankly, his opinion of me as a spouse is the only one that counts.
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Your the husband in your "marriage" so the test isn't even valid for you. As if you wouldn't beat that sissy to within an inch of his life if he said otherwise.
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 01:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
Your the husband in your "marriage" so the test isn't even valid for you.
Nonsense. You lot just don't like women with minds of their own.
As if you wouldn't beat that sissy to within an inch of his life if he said otherwise.
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I would never hit my husband, nor would he ever hit me. Violence has no part in our marriage.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers Salvation from Above God's Favorite Pilot™
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 02:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
Doesn't everyone?
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I sure your husband's doctor-modified front butt and backside are VERY familiar with all manner of marital devices! I'm sure the both of you are well acquainted with models like The Super Snake, The Devastator, Sir Pounds-a-lot, The Hit Me baby in One More Hole, The Realistic Jeff Stryker, The Chump Choker, 18" Glow Worm, Ebony Monster Masher, The Driller Killer, Ten Pounds of Pleasure, Doc Johnson's Double Headed Destructor, The Push Me Pull You, and Two Fists of Fury.
You probably subscribe to The Dong of the Month Club™.
Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!
God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!
Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
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LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 04:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
I would never hit my husband, nor would he ever hit me. Violence has no part in our marriage.
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You've trained him well I see. Does he have your dinner ready when you come home and shut his yap when you're watching the game?
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 02:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
You've trained him well I see. Does he have your dinner ready when you come home and shut his yap when you're watching the game?
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We take turns cooking.
I don't watch sports. When he wants to watch a game, he watches it on one of the tv's and I watch what I want on the other.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 03:36 PM
This thread was supposed to be about what a wonderful True Christian wife I will make for Pastor Zeke and instead and AS USUAL turned into a porno staring Old Iron Crotch.
By the way.... I scored 95%.
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 05:39 PM
I just wanted to add a few things...
Certain appliances are a convenience . . . dishwashers, clothes washers, clothes dryers, microwave ovens, coffee makers, electric mixers, electric vacuum cleaners, in-sink-disposals, and even electric irons, should all be considered gifts that your husband doesn't have to buy for you. If you are fortunate enough to have them, take better care of them than you would yourself! Or you might end up like this!
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
09-28-2008, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
We take turns cooking.
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Simply how perverse is this thread going to get?!
Be strong, Sister Thumper!
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LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
10-01-2008, 02:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
We take turns cooking.
I don't watch sports. When he wants to watch a game, he watches it on one of the tv's and I watch what I want on the other.
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You take turns?
Is he too weak and sissified to handle the heat of the kitchen? Is he such a limp wristed faggot that you have to step in and relieve him from his wifely duties because it's too hard on him? You're far more understanding than I would be if my wife was that pathetically useless. Well, we have a tad bit more money than you and have a paid chef, but you get the point.
Why do you even bother to reward him with his own little TV set to watch in his little shed if he can't even be counted on to have your dinner ready?
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Re: True Christian™ Advice for Marital Bliss -
10-01-2008, 02:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau
You take turns?
Is he too weak and sissified to handle the heat of the kitchen? Is he such a limp wristed faggot that you have to step in and relieve him from his wifely duties because it's too hard on him? You're far more understanding than I would be if my wife was that pathetically useless. Well, we have a tad bit more money than you and have a paid chef, but you get the point.
Why do you even bother to reward him with his own little TV set to watch in his little shed if he can't even be counted on to have your dinner ready?
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He isn't weak. The way I see it, we both eat, therefore we should both cook. We both walk on the floors, therefore we should both clean them. We both use the bushes to deficate and the lake to bathe, therefore we should both plant vegetables over our toilet spots. We rocks!
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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