The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In GOD'S Loving Arms!!!!
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PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-15-2010, 04:01 AM
Hello! I was told I should start a new thread to introduce myself, rather than hijacking another thread as I fear I have done. So here is a quick introduction. I doubt my story is unlike yours.
Like many people here, I too was once among the forked-penised mongrels that your mother warned you about. I was on a slippery waterslide to hell, with a sudsy beer in one hand and the breast of some unnamed woman in the other. I never realized how miserable I was at the time until I found Jesus... or rather found HIS BLESSED HOLY FACE burnt onto the tortilla of a Chipotle burrito.
Addicts call it a moment of clarity. I, an adict of fornication and idolatry, called it a moment of clarity. I quickly sold the remains of my burrito on ebay, and went into solitude, committing the KJV to memory.
I suddenly understood that Evolution was just a THEORY and Charles Darwin was probably an alcoholic.
I suddenly realized that homosexuals were GOD'S butt monkeys who deserved only eternal fire.
I suddenly saw that the Bible was true because GOD SAID IT WAS TRUE. RIGHT THERE IN THE BIBLE!!!!
And more than anything, I realized that almost everybody on the planet was bound for hell by our wonderful and loving GOD!
May CHRIST (THE BLESSED LAMB OF GOD) visit you in your tortillas as he has visited me in mine.
Yours in Christ,
Mark
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-15-2010, 04:04 AM
Uh, welcome friend. You wouldn't happen to be related to THIS guy, would you?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 220
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Making bombs in my basement
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-15-2010, 05:11 AM
As'Salaamun Aleykum friend.
Surely this man is drunk, or joking...?
Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In GOD'S Loving Arms!!!!
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-16-2010, 06:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Uh, welcome friend. You wouldn't happen to be related to THIS guy, would you?
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Dad?
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-16-2010, 08:41 AM
You are my hero, sir.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 40
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: California
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 04:25 AM
You're amazing. c:
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 05:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OneBro11
You are my hero, sir.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skitty
You're amazing. c:
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Well thank you both, but I am just a humble True Christian™ Pastor and I give all Praise to Jesus. He's the one who has blessed me with so many talents and skills, and a body that is the envy of everyone. Jesus gave me the same blond hair and blue eyes that He has, and He gave me an indoor swimming pool to keep my rock hard abs.
But thank you anyway. Please don't adore me too much.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 220
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Making bombs in my basement
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 08:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Jesus gave me the same blond hair and blue eyes that He has
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What???
Jesus was a Jew and Jews are hook nosed dark skinned dark haired people.
Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 08:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
What??? Jesus was a Jew and Jews are hook nosed dark skinned dark haired people.
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Is that what they teach you in muslim school??
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 1
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 08:56 PM
Chipotle Jesus??? Is that the Mexican Jesus? That must be the Jesus for this guy: Gabriel Reproba
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 184
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the first row at Church
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 09:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
What???
Jesus was a Jew and Jews are hook nosed dark skinned dark haired people.
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http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=10278
come on, it's even a stickied topic. you obviously do not read the Bible much
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 09:42 PM
Looks like this is the so-called "respect" that muslims give Christians.
You know, kind of like the "peace" they've brought to New York on Sept. 11th, 2001.
Or how muhammad can be both pedophile and the most moral man.
How about we call a spade a spade here, folks?
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 220
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Making bombs in my basement
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 09:49 PM
9/11 was masterminded by the CIA and executed probably by animatronic robots on empty planes so the Crusaders could blame the Great religion of Peace (Islam) and have an excuse to invade Holy Arab lands and steal the oil.
Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!
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WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,257
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: God's Favorite Country
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 09:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
9/11 was masterminded by the CIA and executed probably by animatronic robots on empty planes so the Crusaders could blame the Great religion of Pedophilia (Islam) and have an excuse to invade Holy Arab lands and steal the oil.
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And yet, 9 years later:
1. The oil is not stolen, it's still there and being exported.
2. Muslims still commit terrorist attacks. Thankfully, most of it is on eachother these days.
3. Muslims have still not denounced muhammad's pedophilia as immoral. But hey, maybe the CIA wrote the quran?
I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 184
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In the first row at Church
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 09:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
9/11 was masterminded by the CIA and executed probably by animatronic robots on empty planes so the Crusaders could blame the Great religion of Peace (Islam) and have an excuse to invade Holy Arab lands and steal the oil.
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Come on, you think that someone as hole as George W. Bush (a Southern Baptist) would do that? I'll admit, I wouldn't cross out the possibility of 9/11 being caused by the joos, but it definitely was not the government (but in all it was overhyped-only liberals died, since only liberals live in NYC).
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,074
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: On my way to Heaven!
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 10:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GodIsAlmighty
(but in all it was overhyped-only liberals died, since only liberals live in NYC).
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Amen!
"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
John 8:32
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 220
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 10:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GOD=life
And yet, 9 years later:
1. The oil is not stolen, it's still there and being exported.
2. Muslims still commit terrorist attacks. Thankfully, most of it is on eachother these days.
3. Muslims have still not denounced muhammad's pedophilia as immoral. But hey, maybe the CIA wrote the quran?
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1. Exported is the same as saying "stolen" since we are not charging what we should for it.
2. I dont even know what you are talking about.
3. Muhammad (pigs be upon him) is the GREATEST PROPHET. He is even greater than the prophet Jesus (pigs be upon him).
Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,074
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: On my way to Heaven!
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
3. Muhammad (pigs be upon him) is the GREATEST PROPHET. He is even greater than the prophet Jesus (pigs be upon him).
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Blasphemy!
Jesus is God's son and without sin. You can't compare Him to a pedophil...
"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
John 8:32
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Jesus's Favorite Nurse
Forum Member
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Posts: 973
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Location: Landover Basement
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 10:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TruePath
What???
Jesus was a Jew and Jews are hook nosed dark skinned dark haired people.
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He doesn't look much like a covetous jew to me.
Luke 5:31
And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 220
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Re: PRAISE CHIPOTLE JESUS! -
01-17-2010, 10:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nurse Clampett
He doesn't look much like a covetous jew to me.
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Oh and you think they drew that with Jesus (pigs be upon him) actually standing there?
Surah 4:169 O people of the Book! do not exceed in your religion, nor say against God aught save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus the son of Mary, is but the apostle of God ... say not "Trinity." Desist! it will be better for you. God is only one God, far be it for Him that He should beget a Son!
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