Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!) |
|
Unsaved trash - Caution: Possible Floozy
|
|
Posts: 61
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 12:32 AM
I felt the Holy Spirit come into as i knelt down and the joy of salvation washed all over my body.
|
|
True Christian™ Creation Scientist Fisher of Men
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,835
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 12:43 AM
And afterwards, I could practically feel the Holy Spirit oozing out of my every orifice.
II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
|
|
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 12:48 AM
Suddenly I awoke
|
|
Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 12:53 AM
I was hungry for Loaves and Fishes.
|
|
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 12:54 AM
I threw away the box and a toy fell out: a plastic scorpion
|
|
Gushing for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 03:25 AM
The toy, I knew right away, was a sign from the LORD on high; a sign that I, His child, would receive no less than more than what I would ask (for I immediately recalled Christ's words recorded verbatim in the Gospel of Luke, "If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? Luke 11:11-12).
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
|
|
True Christian™ Creation Scientist Fisher of Men
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,835
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 06:01 AM
I fell down on me knees then and there, sobbing uncontrollably, mindful of the LORD's sweet tendermercies, that He would make His Face to shine upon an undeserving sinner such as me, shedding His only begotten Son's blood for the sake of my Salvation™ - that I may join Him in Heaven, pressed against His bosom for all eternity, forever reminding Him of how great and perfect He is, as is meet.
II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
|
|
Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 08:42 AM
In that moment I was no longer troubled with the plight of the unsaved for they have made their own bed with their hatred and lies; my Lord is with me and I am Saved® and confirmed as one of the pre-destined elect.
|
|
The Lord's Favorite Head Trauma Victim
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 188
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Where ever I lay my head, the Stars are my Blanket
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 09:05 AM
And I wept as I mowed, for the GRASS was LONG but the LORD was with me, and The Numbers SHINED and Burned under the STARS, YES!!!
A Faithful Servant of the Lord sent by God to help Save The Future!
Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth. Revelation 2:16 A MAN, A PLAN, A PLATFORM, A FORD TRUCK, SLEDGE!
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 04:40 PM
Yes, His power throbbed threw me like the vibrations of the single stroke mower in my hands, His glory filled my nostrils like the acidic exhaust from my mower.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 09:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
Yes, His power throbbed threw me like the vibrations of the single stroke mower in my hands, His glory filled my nostrils like the acidic exhaust from my mower.
|
And the unfortunate groundhog popping forth on his day of infamy saw no shadow, only the whirling, angry blades of my roaring machine bearing down upon him; tonight I shall have a hamburger and praise the Lord for providing sustenance yet again!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 09:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
And the unfortunate groundhog popping forth on his day of infamy saw no shadow, only the whirling, angry blades of my roaring machine bearing down upon him; tonight I shall have a hamburger and praise the Lord for providing sustenance yet again!
|
Again the wisdom of God of the Bible filled me like the stench of shredded ground hog entrails; as the idolatrous worship of this rodent sustained the false faith of the neo-pagan, Gods gift of its' flesh would sustain my life in Him.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 11:11 PM
I praised God for His love and mercy in creating animals for our use, to do with as we please, and everything ultimately for His pleasure.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
|
The Lord's Favorite Head Trauma Victim
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 188
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Where ever I lay my head, the Stars are my Blanket
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters
I praised God for His love and mercy in creating animals for our use, to do with as we please, and everything ultimately for His pleasure.
|
And then I PRAISED HIM AGAIN for Making the Grass GROW that I may Mow for Them That Need Mowing so that I can buy Blankets to make My Platform a Home fit for The LORD!!!
A Faithful Servant of the Lord sent by God to help Save The Future!
Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth. Revelation 2:16 A MAN, A PLAN, A PLATFORM, A FORD TRUCK, SLEDGE!
|
|
Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 11:45 PM
As I feasted upon the sweet roasted flesh of the groundhog, which was a sweet savor to our LORD (Leviticus 1:9), I suddenly heard a knock at my door!
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-02-2012, 11:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God
As I feasted upon the sweet roasted flesh of the groundhog, which was a sweet savor to our LORD (Leviticus 1:9), I suddenly heard a knock at my door!
|
My heart raced, could it be Him; He who has promised to like a thief in the night, to between my breasts and refresh my bowels?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-03-2012, 12:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
My heart raced, could it be Him; He who has promised to like a thief in the night, to between my breasts and refresh my bowels?
|
I opened the door, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Pastor Ezekiel Flint . . . carrying a large satchel.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
|
|
Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-03-2012, 01:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
I opened the door, and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Pastor Ezekiel Flint . . . carrying a large satchel.
|
"Quick, hide this!", he screamed, throwing the satchel at me, then he disappeared into the night as sirens approached from the distance.
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-03-2012, 03:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
"Quick, hide this!", he screamed, throwing the satchel at me, then he disappeared into the night as sirens approached from the distance.
|
Realizing my bowels would not be refreshed that night, I took the heavy bag out to the garage to hide in the trunk of my car . . . but not before having a quick peek to see what was inside.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
|
|
Re: TrueChristian™ One Sentence Story -
02-03-2012, 04:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Realizing my bowels would not be refreshed that night, I took the heavy bag out to the garage to hide in the trunk of my car . . . but not before having a quick peek to see what was inside.
|
The bag was full of rubescent stones, in a variety of sizes and shapes.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|