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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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animbeceliclogician animbeceliclogician is offline
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 05-30-2014, 03:58 PM

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Originally Posted by John Allen View Post
As some of you know, I am an owner of a mini-market. Inevitably, lots of people have passed here. Unofortunately, many people are sinners, and sometimes, even fags dare to enter! Though I kick them out as soon as possible, I am afraid some demons might have taken the opportunity to enter the mini-market. This is a very serious issue, as they could harm my family. It is very well protected, but I am afraid it is not enough. Can you give me some ideas?
Please show me where in Romans 9:20 it shows that homosexuality is a sin.
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 05-30-2014, 04:55 PM

At Naomi's Moist Pie®, we have a sign outside that says Unsaved Unwelcome, in keeping with the teachings of LBC. However, as you know, demons love to ignore signs and therefore we have, from time to time, encountered homosexuals in our Leith, ND store. (We do not have this problem in Freehold since our gated community and armed patrol manages to keep them out quite nicely)

In Leith, we have unwillingly baptized patrons that appear to be gaywise. God then takes over, but this is a temporary solution at best since the person has not confessed sins as per the scriptures. I spoke with my friend regarding the anti-gay devices and you will all be pleased to know that he has not only extended the range to 100 feet, but he is lowering our production price so stores in the area will be able to sell it at a higher profit margin.

Mayor, it just takes you and Pastor Ezekiel to sign the contract since I am a woman and cannot do so. His Joo lawyer can contact yours or you may arrange a meeting yourselves. Praise God, soon we will be able to eliminate the scourge of homerism and the aids from our world. GLORY!


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Miracle Hope Miracle Hope is offline
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 02:26 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You mean they want to have sex with cooking utensils?
It means they're attracted to men, women, and transgendered.
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 02:31 AM

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Originally Posted by Miracle Hope View Post
It means they're attracted to men, women, and transgendered.
Bi-trannie, because pan-sexual would imply lots of different sexes. There are only two sexes, so they are bi-sexual. Still an abomination no matter what words, or clothes, you dress it up with.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 03:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by animbeceliclogician View Post
Please show me where in Romans 9:20 it shows that homosexuality is a sin.
What I meant to say is that those who say being gay is not a sin go against God. And who are you to go against God?

Thanks for the help, Miss Naomi. I will put up a sign soon. Maybe moving to Freehold is the best solution.


Leviticus 18:22 Romans 1:24-27 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 1 Timothy 1:9 - 1:10 1 Timothy 1:9 - 1:10 Jude 1:7

Here is proof that homosexuality is indeed a sin, for all those out there saying otherwise. Got a problem with it? Romans 9:20
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 03:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Allen View Post
What I meant to say is that those who say being gay is not a sin go against God. And who are you to go against God?

Thanks for the help, Miss Naomi. I will put up a sign soon. Maybe moving to Freehold is the best solution.
Moving to Freehold is without a doubt the best solution for any man on earth, as this is the home of Landover Baptist Church, the godliest real estate this side of Heaven (Luke 13:27). You should know, however, that being invited to move to Freehold is as difficult as being invited to Heaven. Many people cry out Pastor, Pastor! I have my bags packed and am ready to move in! But only the Saved© will have the red carpet rolled out for them. The others will be met with a fate worse than Cerberus - Ofc. Don W. Richards. Trust me, you don't want to be on his bad side.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 08:33 PM

Sister Mary,

Your post made me think of the time that family came all the way from Utah thinking they could just meet with Sister Marla or other Freehold realtors and move in the next day. Officer Richards' Mormon Detector© was proven to work - praise God - but when the man tried to climb the Eastern Gate, well, I can't get that scene out of my mind. I knew Richards was tough, but I didn't know just how tough. The You Tube video still makes me shudder! Did they ever find the man's spleen? Once he got out of the Des Moines hospital, the family ended up somewhere in Kansas, I'm told. What a harrowing experience in must have been, and yet - we must keep Freehold pure.

In Jesus,
NRL


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Default Re: How can I keep out and chase away gay demons? - 06-01-2014, 11:15 PM

I see. I will do what I must to prove I am worthy.


Leviticus 18:22 Romans 1:24-27 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 1 Timothy 1:9 - 1:10 1 Timothy 1:9 - 1:10 Jude 1:7

Here is proof that homosexuality is indeed a sin, for all those out there saying otherwise. Got a problem with it? Romans 9:20
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