False Religions and Cults Catholics, Wiccans, Lutherans, Satanists, Mormons, and more! |
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 15
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stern quarterberth, the warm part of the boat.
|
|
Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-16-2010, 08:53 PM
So while I was reading the KJV at the Seamans Church Institute here in Newport ( http://seamensnewport.org/) (they make a tasty omelet), and there was another text on the bookcase next to the old fireplace. I decided to take a look as my eyes were a bit weary and I thought I could use a break of pace. It was the bible of this spaghetti creature the pirate character here has been speaking on and on about.
It was an amusing read, I couldn't put it down. But now I'm confused. As I read the KJV I began to develop night terrors but they disappeared the same day I read the flying meat ball book. I'm afraid to go back to the Aloha Cafe as I know the book lurks there and I will not be strong enough to not read it again.
Can anyone help?
Matthew 8:26 And he says unto them, Why are all of you fearful, O all of you of little faith?
Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-16-2010, 09:01 PM
Are you possesed by demons or something?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Pastor, Physician, Scholar and Financial Genius Ask me about my unlimited-income BibleCoin™ opportunities! Invest with the Best!
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 260
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-16-2010, 09:09 PM
Dear Before The Mast,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Before The Mast
It was the bible of this spaghetti creature the pirate character here has been speaking on and on about. It was an amusing read, I couldn't put it down. But now I'm confused. As I read the KJV I began to develop night terrors but they disappeared the same day I read the flying meat ball book. I'm afraid to go back to the Aloha Cafe as I know the book lurks there and I will not be strong enough to not read it again.
|
What you are feeling if you are reading the Holy Bible is the fear of The LORD. The fear of burning for all eternity in the fires of Hell because you are a sinner. It is this fear that will motivate you to stop sinning, repent and choose Jesus Christ our savior to guide your life from now on. This is why the real Holy Bible is a dark and very scary book while the communist flying meat ball book just makes you laugh all the way to Hell. Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to be saved! "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man comes to the Father but by Me." (John 14:6)
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
How to Study the Bible - About HELL! - The Miracles of Jesus - Biblical Facts - Scientific PROOF
THE BIBLE SAYS THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HEAVEN!
Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6
ONLY JESUS CAN SAVE YOU!
"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,
and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him
from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9
1. Admit you are a worthless sinner. Romans 3:10
2. Be willing to turn from sin (repent). Acts 17:30
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried and
rose from the dead. Romans 10:9-10
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus into your life to become
your personal Savior, Boss, King and Lord. Romans 10:13
| What to Pray:
Lord Jesus, I know that I have sinned against you.
I know that I am not perfect and that I can never
please you through my own efforts. I know that I
deserve to be judged according to my sins. And, I
know that I have absolutely nothing to offer you.
Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me. I do not rely
on myself but only on you and I receive you as
Lord of my life and as savior of my soul.
Lord Jesus, please save me!
| Accepted Jesus as your Savior?
Now you need to:
1. Study your KJV Bible every day
to get to know Christ better.
2. Talk to God in prayer every day.
3. Be baptized, worship, fellowship,
and serve with other Christians
in a church where Christ is preached,
and the Bible is the final authority.
4. Tell others about Jesus Christ
until the day Jesus finally kills you.
|
|
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 15
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stern quarterberth, the warm part of the boat.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-16-2010, 09:22 PM
So I should expect this to be a difficult and strenuous journey as I read the KJV? Nothing in my life has been worth having without hard work, except when I find a good pint of ale at the bar that someone has left in a hurry.
Thank you Paster Manning, I'll try and refrain from such dalliances again and go back to the good book. Perhaps I can find one with larger text.
Why do these texts exist? If The Lord means for me to read his word, why allow such things to lay about? It reminds me of the Chick mini-books found in the heads and laundry areas when at port.
Matthew 8:26 And he says unto them, Why are all of you fearful, O all of you of little faith?
Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
|
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 15
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stern quarterberth, the warm part of the boat.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 07:40 PM
I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.
So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?
Matthew 8:26 And he says unto them, Why are all of you fearful, O all of you of little faith?
Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 08:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Before The Mast
I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.
So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?
|
You are feeling the call of the TRUTH.
Those night terrors you suffer from are induced by the are your subconscious is trying to get through to you that so much of the tome that the "true christians" love is nothing more then a construct of one group of men to control everyone else.
|
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 15
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stern quarterberth, the warm part of the boat.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 08:38 PM
Somehow your truth seems all wrong.
Beer? Wenches? Next you'll be saying there is no hell. This is everything that causes corruption in the world. People need to fear consequences else they feel like they can do as they please when ever they please.
Matthew 8:26 And he says unto them, Why are all of you fearful, O all of you of little faith?
Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 09:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Before The Mast
Somehow your truth seems all wrong.
Beer? Wenches? Next you'll be saying there is no hell. This is everything that causes corruption in the world. People need to fear consequences else they feel like they can do as they please when ever they please.
|
Read more of the truth that is Pastafaianism, pick up that book again, read The Loose Canon - A Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as you understand more those fellings of dread will subside. With understanding of Our Lord Noodle will come understanding of Life The Universe and Everything.
|
|
Pastor, Physician, Scholar and Financial Genius Ask me about my unlimited-income BibleCoin™ opportunities! Invest with the Best!
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 260
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 09:30 PM
Dear retarded Jo Freddie,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
|
So a lot of boys who are too ugly to get girlfriends spend all their free time creating their own satiric al version of the Holy Bible? I know religion is nothing but a big joke to you, but those people spending their life on writing "The Loose Canon" make you look like a sane person in comparison. I don't say this often, but those poor boys really need to fill some nice girls with the joy of Jesus, fast. They need real lives instead of spending all there time behind computer screens creating page after page after page of this anti religious dribble. "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good." (Psalm 53:1)
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
How to Study the Bible - About HELL! - The Miracles of Jesus - Biblical Facts - Scientific PROOF
THE BIBLE SAYS THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO HEAVEN!
Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6
ONLY JESUS CAN SAVE YOU!
"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,
and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him
from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9
1. Admit you are a worthless sinner. Romans 3:10
2. Be willing to turn from sin (repent). Acts 17:30
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried and
rose from the dead. Romans 10:9-10
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus into your life to become
your personal Savior, Boss, King and Lord. Romans 10:13
| What to Pray:
Lord Jesus, I know that I have sinned against you.
I know that I am not perfect and that I can never
please you through my own efforts. I know that I
deserve to be judged according to my sins. And, I
know that I have absolutely nothing to offer you.
Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me. I do not rely
on myself but only on you and I receive you as
Lord of my life and as savior of my soul.
Lord Jesus, please save me!
| Accepted Jesus as your Savior?
Now you need to:
1. Study your KJV Bible every day
to get to know Christ better.
2. Talk to God in prayer every day.
3. Be baptized, worship, fellowship,
and serve with other Christians
in a church where Christ is preached,
and the Bible is the final authority.
4. Tell others about Jesus Christ
until the day Jesus finally kills you.
|
|
|
Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
|
|
Posts: 7,220
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-17-2010, 10:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Before The Mast
I had lunch today, they were serving meat loaf, and the book was there again. It has a leather binder and a red ribbon. I didn't read it though, some youngsters that work in one of the yards restoring boats were reading it and yelling "Yarrrr!!" and laughing. One asked me if I was a pirate. I was a little indignate as being labeled as such and she explained that I looked like one but without the eye patch. The waitress had a spare eye patch and put it on me and since I do enjoy her company I put up with it.
So I now have an eye patch and a yearning to go read the book. It's just for fun and young lasses keep sidling up to me in recognition so it's not really that bad, right?
|
Look friend,
You're treading on pretty dangerous ground and would hate to see you go straight to hell. You'd best get your head screwed on straight, burn that damned book if you see it again and ignore Jo Freddy.
Do you have a prayer closet? If not I'll send you some designs I've been working on.
Now, give your head a shake and get back with Jesus!!!
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 06:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
Dear retarded Jo Freddie,
So a lot of boys who are too ugly to get girlfriends spend all their free time creating their own satirical version of the Holy Bible? I know religion is nothing but a big joke to you, but those people spending their life on writing "The Loose Canon" make you look like a sane person in comparison. I don't say this often, but those poor boys really need to fill some nice girls with the joy of Jesus, fast. They need real lives instead of spending all there time behind computer screens creating page after page after page of this anti religious dribble. "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good." (Psalm 53:1)
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
|
Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?
We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.
We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'
Quote:
4:6 Ultimately, all you can do, and indeed all you should do, is put the word out there, accept any who join you, and love any who hate you.
|
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 06:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?
We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.
We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'
|
What is that, Piebonics?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 07:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
What is that, Piebonics?
|
Yarr treacherous gull strangling cannibal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Firstly:
The grand holiday falls on a Sunday this year, and you know what that means: Talk Like a Pirate WEEKEND!
Secondly:
If you are North American and you speak "THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE" you have the Pirates to thank for that.
North American? speak English? Thank a Pirate.
|
|
|
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Ye thin kie that tharrrGod be a Joke? orrr be ye so worrrrrri'd about yerrr powerrr base bein' plunderrrn away as scallywags learrrn th' trrruth?
We will not be deterrrrrr'd by yerrr attempt at mockerrry o' th' TRUE faith.
We derrrn't hate ye Mr Mannin'
|
Do you want fries with that?
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Do you want fries with that?
|
No Yarr half perished one eyed lubber.
|
|
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
No Yarr half perished one eyed lubber.
|
Strawberry Sundie.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
|
|
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:43 AM
I'm sorry. Were are all out of Happy Meal toys
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
I'm sorry. Were are all out of Happy Meal toys
|
Yarr green gilled hammock hogging powder monkey, why in th' name o' Davy Jones would I want one o' yer toys?
|
|
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 08:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
Yarr green gilled hammock hogging powder monkey, why in th' name o' Davy Jones would I want one o' yer toys?
|
Did you say you a toy Davy Jones on a hammock?
We don't have one of those.
I can give you one of these
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Jesus & the spaghetti guy -
09-18-2010, 09:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Did you say you a toy Davy Jones on a hammock?
We don't have one of those.
I can give you one of these
|
Why in th' name o' Davy Jones would I want a false idol like that? Yarr mutinous cargo thieving grease wad.
Not that I agrees wit' it but doth not ye good log say
Quote:
1 Corinthians 11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
|
Or be that some kind o bearded wench?
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|