[H. Montague Worthington]

It's summer, everyone! That means it's a good time for some tips, reminders, and pointers for on safety and elegance of Summer outdoor living.

1. Keep Negroes AWAY from Swimming Pools.

Obviously, if any Negro accidently gets into your pool, the water must be drained and the pool scrubbed, rinsed, and re-scrubbed with a sanitizing bleach solution. Just to be safe, a good rule of thumb is do NOT let Negroes get within the distance from your pool which they would travel after being hit by a car moving at 35 mph.

2. Hire Only White or Asian Servants to Clean Your Pool.

Make sure your pool area is being cleaned and maintained only by White or Asian servants. You may want to do routine DNA or ancestry tests to screen out stray Negro family history.

3. Consider Fences, Dogs, and 24-Hour Guards for Your Pool.

It's a good idea to have a fence with guards around your pool to keep the Negroes out. You know they want to swim. They are crafty and relentless. They will get into your pool area if they can. You might also consider large dogs. Negroes do not like large, vicious, barking dogs, and they will probably find another pool if yours is guarded by bare-toothed vicious dogs.

4. Just Pave Over Your Pool if You Can't Maintain It Properly.

As you can see from the above tips, it's difficult to maintain a pool properly. If there is ANY chance that your pool might be contaminated by swimming Negroes, you might as well fill in and pave over your pool. Just turn it into a patio.

[Nobar King]

Do not allow residents to host 'pool parties' at your pool.

[James Hutchins]

Every negro I have ever seen has been incapable of floating. They all sink as if there were 300 pounds of cement blocks chained to their waists.
I cannot count the number of times I have discovered one of them in little (who cannot swim in a 3' X 8' hole?) swimming hole that I promptly had to bulldoze over.

[John Creeser]

Look, just don't leave things around that will attract them. Make sure your wallets are well hidden, no fried chicken, no BBQ'ing, no watches or jewelry and for the love of all that is Holy; NO WATERMELON.

Just bring your bologna sandwiches (on white bread).

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I've seen studies that suggest that injuns and nigra's can detect an open can of malt liquor a mile away. I would suggest that if you're toasting one with Jesus after a hard day's work you at least procure a container with a tight fitting lid. Posting "Baptism" signs around your pool fences might also keep them away.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Also, cooling pies on window sills near swimming pools is NOT recommended.