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Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-26-2006, 09:14 PM

Look down from heaven, and behold from the habitation of thy holiness and of thy glory: where is thy zeal and thy strength, the sounding of thy bowels and of thy mercies toward me? are they restrained?<--- that be isaiah 63:15

i thinks this verse say that when lord God pass a liddle lord Godly gas , it ok cuz He loud an prouds not silent an violents , an it a manifest-tay-shun of His mercys. i be prayin that all true christian™ menfolk follow lord God's examples when they needs to pull thier own fingers, that they not do them sneaky fartz, that they open their bowels to heevens wiv a real noisy botty coff so that true christian™ ladys an childrins have plenty of warnings to escapes

that be true christian™ lady ---> <--- an that be unsaved stinky butt
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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:00 AM

In that case, if there really was a heaven, I'm guessing the senior landover pastors would be right at home!



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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:28 AM

IF there is a Heaven? There's no "if" about it, heathen! Heaven (and Hell) is as real as you, me, and Jesus are.

The existance of Heaven is logical, how can the short lives we have on Earth be all there is to existance? The same goes for God, how could the entire world, its wide diversity of life, and sentient life come out of nothing by random chance, without the guiding hand of a divine being?
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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:39 AM

I'm not saying this is all there is. I am atheistic only towards the Christian God and other Abrahamic religions which recognize that or a similar deity, for instance Judaism, Islam, Catholicism, all of that etc.

I do indeed believe there is more that just this, but no heaven, or hell, or any such nonsense, nor do I believe in a creator god.
And I do, of course, support evolution.

But, as I was saying, if your god did exist, no doubt he would be a flatulent, sadistic old codger with a small tallywhacker.



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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:45 AM

Yes, Men, Say it LOUD! I'm Christian and I'm PROUD!!!

And remember: Besides offending JESUS, those sneaky ones always smell worse, too

SUV
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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I

But, as I was saying, if your god did exist, no doubt he would be a flatulent, sadistic old codger with a small tallywhacker.
Oh my GOD! How DARE you bad mouth Pastor P.

For that I am giving you 3 warning points Harlot!

Miffed, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:59 AM

I wasn't talking about Pastor Al. Although........



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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 01:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I wasn't talking about Pastor Al. Although........
YOU ARE ROLLING UP THE POINTS, MISSY!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 01:16 AM

My dear Pastor Al, I said I wasn't talking about you! Maybe you should be talking to Sister Thumper, seeing as she assumed that I was



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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 02:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
My dear Pastor Al, I said I wasn't talking about you! Maybe you should be talking to Sister Thumper, seeing as she assumed that I was
Another warning point Missy for attempting to claim Sister Thumper has gas to the point of being a health nuisance in Church! Shame on your lies harlot!



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 02:24 AM

Did you actually read what I said, my dear BJ?
I didn't say she has gas, as her or anyone else's bowel movements are not something I really need to hear right before lunch... I said that she assumed I said that Pastor Al has gas, when I wasn't talking about Pastor Al.
Although....I have heard stories from Ching Lee about a box of matches being kept within easy reach in every room in his house.....



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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 05:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Did you actually read what I said, my dear BJ?
I didn't say she has gas, as her or anyone else's bowel movements are not something I really need to hear right before lunch... I said that she assumed I said that Pastor Al has gas, when I wasn't talking about Pastor Al.
Although....I have heard stories from Ching Lee about a box of matches being kept within easy reach in every room in his house.....
That noxious smell you detect is either from the contents of your caldroun or else the inedible meals that you cook and your husband has to dump behind the sofa, where it is rotting and collecting maggots for your next potion.

Next time you want to insult Sister Thumper, come and speak to me about it. I'll knock you down to size if your limp-wristed husband won't!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 05:47 AM

Zeke, how could I be smelling noxious gas that is in Pastor Al's house? Do I live with Pastor Al???

As for maggots, I wouldn't put them in potions or anything else thankyou very much



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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 05:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Zeke, how could I be smelling noxious gas that is in Pastor Al's house? Do I live with Pastor Al???

As for maggots, I wouldn't put them in potions or anything else thankyou very much
Are you insane?? Pastor Al is not interested in living out-of-wedlock with the likes of you....Now, if you want to apply for a job, thats different. Pastor Al always needs part-timers to rub ointment on his feet. Every hour, on the hour, 24/7.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
 
 
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Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 06:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Zeke, how could I be smelling noxious gas that is in Pastor Al's house? Do I live with Pastor Al???
Please stop throwing yourself at me. I am old enough to be your gran....er....older brother.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Rachael Van Helsing's Avatar
Rachael Van Helsing Rachael Van Helsing is offline
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Hellbound Heathen Cancer on Society Uppity Woman/Enabler Witch

 
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 06:16 AM

Quote:
Are you insane?? Pastor Al is not interested in living out-of-wedlock with the likes of you....
I'm only interested in living with my husband, daughter and possibly a roommate to help with the rent.

Quote:
Now, if you want to apply for a job, thats different. Pastor Al always needs part-timers to rub ointment on his feet. Every hour, on the hour, 24/7.
That's Ching Lee's job.

Quote:
Please stop throwing yourself at me. I am old enough to be your gran....er....older brother.
Old enough to be my father, I'd say
And how exactly is my relating the stories I hear from Ching Lee about you 'throwing myself at you'....?



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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A very nice young man
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Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: true christian™ butt trumpets - 09-27-2006, 12:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I'm only interested in living with my husband, daughter and possibly a roommate to help with the rent.
Is that what they're calling it nowadays?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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