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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default reform program - 03-17-2007, 03:47 PM

Hey Girls
I am new to this forum and looking for programs to exorcise the homosexual demons from my soul forever. Pastor Ezekiel has already recommended a program (thanks cutie pie) but I have to tell you these are powerful demons and I think I may be in need of something less tame. Does anyone know of a program where spanking plays an integral role in the reformation process (preferably a program where "safety words" are honored).
Ta
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Default Re: reform program - 03-17-2007, 04:27 PM

What sort of idiots do you think we are here?! We can see right through your attempts to procure homosexual attention here, even going so far as to proposition Pastor Zeke for godless sodomite sex acts like spanking. Spanking is for children and women, not grown men, godless-queer.

If you want true help, I suggest you speak with a pastor about entering our rehabilitation program for sodomites. Anything can be accomplished with enough prayer and laying on of hands, praise Jesus. But first you must renounce your ways and understand just how much Jesus hates your homosexuality.


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Default Re: reform program - 03-17-2007, 05:09 PM

thank you Dr Ernie for pointing out that my sincere request for help had fruity undertones. My homosexual demons are so prevasive that sometimes I dont realize what Im saying or doing. I will try to be straighter in the future. Can you elaborate on the "laying on of hands" process?
Tootles
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Default Re: reform program - 03-17-2007, 08:33 PM

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Originally Posted by godless-queer View Post
programs to exorcise the homosexual demons from my soul forever. Does anyone know of a program where spanking plays an integral role
The first thing you have to remember is those demons are NOT in your soul; they're in your colon. This is why you have such a fascination with that part of your body; spanking and putting other men's choo's-choo's in there are prime examples. Lesser examples are having clean fingernails, squealing when you see a shirt you like and running funny.
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Default Re: reform program - 03-17-2007, 11:27 PM

Deaner, I appreciate your advice and now that I know what to do, I emplore the lord jesus to come into my colon and cleanse my bowels with his love and abundant forgiveness and then rest upon so that we may both bask in his masculine glory
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Default Re: reform program - 03-18-2007, 02:47 PM

u should be proud ur a gay! its nothing to be ashamed of n can be very beautiful. have u ever read ann rices vampire books? the men in those books love each other beautifully n arent ashamed maby they can be good role models for u. i hope u accept urself coz u cant change being gay u can only hide it n thats bad for ur soul n u might kill urself one day which would be horrible.
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Default Re: reform program - 03-18-2007, 09:13 PM

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Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
u should be proud ur a gay! its nothing to be ashamed of n can be very beautiful.
Typical of all liberals... Let's all be proud of being an abomination. Surely God will love us because we're different. You sound like a goth-tard. Ohhh, Jesus is all loving and wants to cuddle with us. You make me sick. You revel in making the Lord Jesus sad. He (temporarily) gave His Life for you, and this is how you treat Him? You spit in His Face and throw His Sacrifice back at Him? How vile and hate-filled. I pray that you come to know the Love of Jesus and reject this type of sinful lifestyle before Jesus sends you to meet your "hero", Lucifer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
have u ever read ann rices vampire books? the men in those books love each other beautifully n arent ashamed maby they can be good role models for u. i hope u accept urself coz u cant change being gay u can only hide it n thats bad for ur soul n u might kill urself one day which would be horrible.
If you want a Godly role model or two, you should look at the close relationship that David and Jonathan had. They are the epitome of a close relationship between two males. They each cleaved to each others' bosom in a totally heterosexual way that only Jesus can provide. Any other kind of male-on-male love is an abomination and an express ticket to the hellfires of Satan.


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Default Re: reform program - 03-18-2007, 09:40 PM

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Originally Posted by godless-queer View Post
Hey Girls
I am new to this forum and looking for programs to exorcise the homosexual demons from my soul forever. Pastor Ezekiel has already recommended a program (thanks cutie pie) but I have to tell you these are powerful demons and I think I may be in need of something less tame. Does anyone know of a program where spanking plays an integral role in the reformation process (preferably a program where "safety words" are honored).
Ta
For once in your queer life you should be listening instead of talking you Homer.
The Landover B.A.S.H. Program is proven through the power of Our Lord Jesus Christ© to be the ONLY cure for your self-imposed Homerseckshual lifestyle.
Get with the Program, GET JESUS© and get cured.

Don't you realise Jesus© kills those who choose to follow a homer and refuse to turn to HIM for help?
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Default Re: reform program - 03-18-2007, 10:47 PM

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Originally Posted by godless-queer View Post
Deaner, I appreciate your advice and now that I know what to do, I emplore the lord jesus to come into my colon and cleanse my bowels with his love and abundant forgiveness and then rest upon so that we may both bask in his masculine glory
Well said, G-Q!

Perhaps with prayer and tithing, eventually your name can be Godly-unQueer!
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