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Default Looking For Summer Home Near Freehold - 07-04-2013, 08:36 PM

I've discussed this with my sons and at the missus, and I've decided that a change in scenery and a wholesome Christian environment would do us all some good. As you all know. the latter is in short supply these days. Thank God then for Freehold!

I've been talking with one of the realtors there at Marla Jennings Christian Realty Services, but so far she hasn't been able to locate exactly what I'm looking for. I fear my tastes may be a bit too modest for her fine selection of realty. She has promised to keep an eye out, but I'm hoping someone here may know of a place that suits my humble needs. I'm basically looking for a normal family home. The kind pretty much everyone grew up in. It should include the following:

Non-open concept home on 10 to 20 acres. Hardwood flooring throughout. Central heating and air plus functional wood burning fireplaces in living room, den, study, family room, and master suite. Outdoor heated pool a must. Indoor pool optional. Would like a helipad and private landing strip, but can live without it if a private airstrip nearby will lease space to me. Location no more than 10 miles from town as the missus rides her bicycle for shopping. External/internal security cameras with thermal imaging.

While I don't mind an older house, the roof need be solid enough to support the weight of one anti-aircraft gun, 4 water cooled Browning 50 cal machine guns, and security personnel.

Spacious kitchen, preferably with granite counter tops & stainless steel appliances. Kitchen needs room for 3 full size ovens and one large convection oven.

Blast-proof panic room with security panel for contacting security staff, monitoring cameras, and manual override/operation of automated perimeter sentry guns. Thermite lined vault for emergency destruction of Holy paperwork in the event of breach to prevent their falling into the hands of the agents of Satan.

In-house theater for family night viewings of The 10 Commandments and The Birth of a Nation. Pew seating for up to 20.

7+ Bedrooms not including servants quarters. Adjoining BR to master for my personal assistant/maid. Walk-in master suite closets must be large enough to convert one to a closet chapel.

4+ bath including in-suite bath for master suite.

At least 1 and preferably 2 guest houses.

'Monthly' sheds for that time of the month. Need at least 6, as 4 employees are female and the missus' sister visits from time to time.

'Transgressions' room for Christian discipline of wife and staff. Vaulted ceilings a must, as one of my behavior correcting devices requires 9 feet of room to use. Would prefer exposed crossbeams in this room for mounting personal movement inhibiting equipment.

Basement should be fully or partially finished and needs plumbing. If not included in the purchase, I will have installed a large trough in this area for laundry. Would be nice if a small room were in the basement as well, as I prefer to keep the missus near the laundry room and she will be sleeping down there.

Attached heated 4 car garage. Secondary unattached garage for boat, RV, less often driven vehicles, and the missus' bicycle.

In the best of circumstances, the acreage will be private and have wide nature trails for exercise. Both the missus and my personal assistant pull me in a rickshaw-like cart for a cardio workout and muscle toning, and I find the time useful for prayer, self reflection, and tele-faith healing.

My one concern is future building permits. While the lieberal Second Amendment hating Sultanate of Obama is giving me a hard time over the purchase of aerial combat drones, I may have found a loophole. If everything works out, I would want to build a docking bay and command center for a pair of them on the property some time in the near future.

As you can see, I don't need anything fancy. Just a small summer retreat to relax and enjoy good, like minded fellowship for 4 or 5 months a year.

Thank you all for your kindly assistance.

Glory!


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: Looking For Summer Home Near Freehold - 07-08-2013, 11:13 PM

I can't help much with the real estate--it sounds a bit on the low side for the various gated communities in Freehold, but I know that you're a modest man.

I don't think you need to worry about the weaponry, though. Nobody in Freehold is going to enforce the unconstitutional restrictions on your right to bear military-grade weapons platforms for self defense.


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