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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 09:33 PM

Dear Friends,

It is against the law to have sex with a minor. No exceptions. It's called statutory rape. So if your son is having sex with himself, you need to report him to the police as a statutory rapist. Failure to do so could get YOU locked up for conspiracy to commit statutory rape, which is serious jail time.

Yours in Him,
bab, esq
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 09:47 PM

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Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
Dear Friends,

It is against the law to have sex with a minor. No exceptions. It's called statutory rape. So if your son is having sex with himself, you need to report him to the police as a statutory rapist. Failure to do so could get YOU locked up for conspiracy to commit statutory rape, which is serious jail time.

Yours in Him,
bab, esq
I see it now, I must report him to the proper authorities before it's too late. God save his soul!

Praise Jesus for helping me discover this problem before it got out of control!
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 09:49 PM

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Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
Dear Friends,

It is against the law to have sex with a minor. No exceptions. It's called statutory rape. So if your son is having sex with himself, you need to report him to the police as a statutory rapist. Failure to do so could get YOU locked up for conspiracy to commit statutory rape, which is serious jail time.

Yours in Him,
bab, esq
Oh.

Your.

God.


mormon, only a person who's had a psychotic break with reality and common sense would think in such a way, here's why:

1) It his hand, and his body, there is no consent, and no possibility of consent. So, all masturbation (by your twisted logic) is rape.

2) again, his hand, his body, you can't stop him. except by permanently restraining his arms or just cutting his hands off. But you can't do that because it's cruel and unusual punishment, assault, battery, and probably torture. You'll be put away, not him.


you need mental help, you lunatic
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 09:57 PM

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Originally Posted by Rettet181 View Post
I see it now, I must report him to the proper authorities before it's too late. God save his soul!

Praise Jesus for helping me discover this problem before it got out of control!

m'kay, lady, I know you aren't going to listen to me but my conscience demands I do everything in my power to prevent such religiosity from spreading.

The police (or any other legal authority for that matter) can't and won't do anything. The only "authorities" that would do anything would be you crazy fellows in your church. Of course, there is nothing you can legally do to prevent your child from pleasuring himself that won't get you locked up in jail and have your precious Timmy shipped off to some random people (who might be crazier than you, and abusive)

Your best, safest, and only bet is to have him understand that sex and women (or men, if he turns out homo or bi) are not tools to satisfy his cravings, but rather the inverse is true.

Please don't listen to quacks like psycho zombie bob here, their methods only bring misery, anger, and seperation.
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 09:58 PM

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Originally Posted by RebelWithACause View Post
Oh.

Your.

God.


mormon, only a person who's had a psychotic break with reality and common sense would think in such a way, here's why:

1) It his hand, and his body, there is no consent, and no possibility of consent. So, all masturbation (by your twisted logic) is rape.

2) again, his hand, his body, you can't stop him. except by permanently restraining his arms or just cutting his hands off. But you can't do that because it's cruel and unusual punishment, assault, battery, and probably torture. You'll be put away, not him.


you need mental help, you lunatic
he really does. he voluntarily cut his balls off.
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 10:03 PM

disturbing, and it seems I spelled mormon, mormon... oh well, it's prolly just as much of an insult to him






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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-06-2008, 10:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebelWithACause View Post
m'kay, lady, I know you aren't going to listen to me but my conscience demands I do everything in my power to prevent such religiosity from spreading.

The police (or any other legal authority for that matter) can't and won't do anything. The only "authorities" that would do anything would be you crazy fellows in your church. Of course, there is nothing you can legally do to prevent your child from pleasuring himself that won't get you locked up in jail and have your precious Timmy shipped off to some random people (who might be crazier than you, and abusive)

Your best, safest, and only bet is to have him understand that sex and women (or men, if he turns out homo or bi) are not tools to satisfy his cravings, but rather the inverse is true.

Please don't listen to quacks like psycho zombie bob here, their methods only bring misery, anger, and seperation.
Obviously you need help as much as my son.

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Default You caught your son masturbating, not abusing - 01-06-2008, 10:13 PM

...so... you're saying... what exactely?
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-07-2008, 12:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebelWithACause View Post
you need mental help, you lunatic
Dear Friend,

It's easy for hate criminals such as you to brand Christians as "lunatics" just for defending the Gospels. But the Bible assures us that in the end, the faithful will win out against such persecution.

Yours in Him,
bab
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-07-2008, 05:17 AM

Give him a bottle of lotion and a playboy he'll probably be so scared he'll stop
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-08-2008, 01:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
Dear Friend,

It's easy for hate criminals such as you to brand Christians as "lunatics" just for defending the Gospels. But the Bible assures us that in the end, the faithful will win out against such persecution.

Yours in Him,
bab
Criminals in who's mind, Bob? I know from discussions with others on this forum, where I found out that God says you can judge people because you're spiritual.

But I got news for you, buddy.

YOU ARE NOT THE LAW.

And as much as you think you should be, you NEVER will be.

Therefore, allowing your child to masterbate doesn't make you a criminal. BUT, beating your child for something natural is ridiculous.

Good day
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 01-08-2008, 03:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterIV8 View Post
But I got news for you, buddy.

YOU ARE NOT THE LAW.

And as much as you think you should be, you NEVER will be.
Dear Friend,

God is King of Heaven and Earth. And He has deputized us True Christians™: "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Matthew 18:18.

Yours in Him,
bab
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 03-20-2011, 03:16 PM

Won't let me register with the name mormons sadly, but here I go. You people don't understand the basic needs of life and turn full to religion, like you think its actually going to save you. You believe that masturbating will get someone sent straight to hell for it, yet beating them to an inch of their life is perfectly fine.(You best be trollin')

I knew this site was filled with stupidity, not because you're Christians but because you're turning your religion into an elitist cult.

The bible was created a long time ago when people didn't know shit about shit. How many advances have been made in science since then? How many things have we learned from then?

Let your kid do what he wants. Don't tell him it's wrong, because it isn't at all. Just teach him about women and masturbating, beating him won't help him grow in anyway. If anything it would break him down.
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 03-20-2011, 08:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mormons View Post
I knew this site was filled with stupidity, not because you're Christians but because you're turning your religion into an elitist cult.
Jesus ( John 3:18 ) did that quite effectively for us, dimwit.

Quote:
The bible was created a long time ago when people didn't know shit about shit. How many advances have been made in science since then? How many things have we learned from then?
And yet divorce is at a record high, as is child sexual abuse, corruption, sexually transmitted disease, theft, bastard births, poverty, and murder. Wow, we've come a long way, baby.



Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: I caught my son masturbating. - 07-25-2011, 12:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
He should be immediately reprimanded for that! Touching any tallywacker, even his own, is a gateway to sodomy. I recommend several hours of scripture each night, and a special chastity belt for boys. Nip this disgusting, sinful habit in the bud.

By the way, I changed the title of this thread to be less shocking to some of our older congregation.
I want to wear a chastity belt, because of lustful thought temptations, but I don't have enough money for that
Wha should I do ??
I don't want to go to Hell.


Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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Default Re: I caught my son masturbating. - 07-25-2011, 12:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul999 View Post
I want to wear a chastity belt, because of lustful thought temptations, but I don't have enough money for that
Wha should I do ??
I don't want to go to Hell.
Follow the Holy Word of God, my gypsy friend. I'm sure you've still got a rusty kitchen stiletto from your days as a filthy dago cutthroat thief laying around, right? Or a broken wine bottle at least?

Quote:
Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: I caught my son masturbating. - 07-25-2011, 08:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Follow the Holy Word of God, my gypsy friend. I'm sure you've still got a rusty kitchen stiletto from your days as a filthy dago cutthroat thief laying around, right? Or a broken wine bottle at least?
I don't understand. What do you mean ?


Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 07-25-2011, 01:17 PM

He means for you to cut off your..... to castrate yourself.

YIC


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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 07-25-2011, 01:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebelWithACause View Post
Oh.

Your.

God.


mormon, only a person who's had a psychotic break with reality and common sense would think in such a way, here's why:

1) It his hand, and his body, there is no consent, and no possibility of consent. So, all masturbation (by your twisted logic) is rape.
Yes. All masturbation is rape. Because your son is male, it therefore counts as sodomy - and what does the bible say about sodomy?

Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RebelWithACause View Post

2) again, his hand, his body, you can't stop him. except by permanently restraining his arms or just cutting his hands off. But you can't do that because it's cruel and unusual punishment, assault, battery, and probably torture. You'll be put away, not him.


you need mental help, you lunatic
It is better to go to jail on earth than to be cast into hell for refusing to obey the LORD

Matthew 5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.


Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
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Default Re: I caught my son unnaturally abusing himself - 07-26-2011, 04:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bright Beast View Post
Yes. All masturbation is rape. Because your son is male, it therefore counts as sodomy - and what does the bible say about sodomy?

Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination.



It is better to go to jail on earth than to be cast into hell for refusing to obey the LORD

Matthew 5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Nicely said brother.

The ones that attempt to abuse themselves will fully appreciate God's wrath. It is nothing to mess with. I would recommend plenty of beating and perhaps even make him skip dinner as He did for our sins.

Praise Jesus.
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