General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Debate Moderator (and participant) Master Debater-- Has Never Been Defeated in a Debate Louder Than Reason
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,139
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 12:13 AM
Folks, it has recently come to my attention that a lot of young people (mostly gothic males) are, during the act of expelling waste, touching their private areas. Now I was always raised to know not to do such things, as were my children but I don't think that everyone here in Landover is aware of the alarming amount of masturbation that takes place during the act of urinating.
Allow me to draw out a time line for you to adequately describe what is occurring:
Step 1: Subject feels need to go to bathroom
Step 2: Subject enters bathroom and closes door (unless they are goths or homosexuals and enjoy the sick thrill of people watching them urinate).
Step 3: Subject undoes pants zipper and button and removes private areas, extending them outside of the pants (by hand).
Step 4: Subject urinates while touching private areas, in my studies of watching the security cameras in the Radio Station's bathroom I would say that roughly 90% of all people that urinate while touching their private parts become filled with Satan and aroused to the point of debauchery.
Step 5: Subject "shakes" private areas to get any left over "droplets" into the toilet, this experience can include premature ejaculation.
As you can see by this outline, those that urinate in the "Hilary Clinton" style (I coined the name myself) are sick-minded individuals or poor ignorant lost souls on their way to hell. There is really only one solution to this problem which is adopting a new plan of urination to be taught in Christian Schools across America immediately. I call it the "Wash" style of urination (I coined the name myself) and I will briefly outline how it works:
Step 1: Subject, while in their daily Christian schedule of praying, reading the Bible or feeling the negative effects of homosexuality in other parts of the nation, feels the sudden urge to urinate.
Step 2: Subject enters bathroom and closes door, locking it on the door knob as well as at least 3 locks on the door to avoid anyone coming in.
Step 3: Subject blind-folds self, unzips pants and then with sterilized gloves pulls pants down (from the belt loops).
Step 4: Without touching private areas, subject urinates blindly into the direction of the toilet.
Step 5: Subject pulls pants up (by the belt loops) and zips pants back up.
Step 6: Subject burns gloves and sterilizes hands and puts rubbing alcohol into eyes.
Step 7: Subject begs God for forgiveness.
Hopefully my plan will limit the amount of masturbation occuring in the United States to Goths, Homosexuals and Liberals. Some may think that my plan takes too long (the fastest bathroom trip I have ever had was 15 minutes) and that it creates a mess that is a potential health risk. To this I have one response: see you in Hell (from heaven).
Having a bathroom that looks like mine is a small price to pay for eternal salvation. Plus, if you have a wife she will be more than happy to clean it for you (cleaning up after a Godly man is every housewive's dream).
Last edited by Wash O'Hanley; 03-24-2008 at 10:55 PM.
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 12:20 AM
As for, well, that other thing, God in His infinite wisdom and glory has provided us with specific instructions:
Deut. 23:12-14: Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad: And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.
In case anyone reading this goes to a "church" whose "pastor" has never preached the above passage from the Bible, that "pastor" is a liberal heretic who loves political correctness more than he loves Jesus.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 01:47 AM
Whoever owns this company must be a True Christian™ then. Praise!
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 02:02 AM
Yeuchhh!!! I'm glad my husband's a heathen like me, if he ever used the 'Wash method', I'd be making him go to the bathroom on the lawn (of our apartment block, so even worse!)
Sheesh, and you doubt evolution. You've very aptly illustrated the resemblance people can have to animals. Even monkeys do their business neater than you!!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 844
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ...
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 02:37 AM
You might run out of rubber gloves sooner then later... I'm glad I don't live with messy males!
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
|
|
Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 02:44 AM
What's silly is
your lack of practicality.
Leave the toilet for the girls.
Leave the seat down for them.
Whizzin' at the bathtub
that's the way, way
bub*.
"happy once again,
watchin' all my troub-bles
go swingin' down the drain."
*your other suggestions are OK*
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 03:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Yeuchhh!!! I'm glad my husband's a heathen like me, if he ever used the 'Wash method', I'd be making him go to the bathroom on the lawn (of our apartment block, so even worse!)
Sheesh, and you doubt evolution. You've very aptly illustrated the resemblance people can have to animals. Even monkeys do their business neater than you!!
|
I say again; it has always amazed and disgusted me that the satanic paganistas hold defecation in such fascination. This harlot has been jabbering on and on about it in several threads. Truly revolting.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 04:22 AM
To elaborate on a bad idea,
http://tinyurl.com/ykcwof
(singin' blind)
You can yodle Op'ra
e-e-ven while you rub
but I don't advise that, sinner
when whizzin' in the tub!*
*adapted from
Warner Bros. 1929
parody of "Singin' in the Rain":
"Singin' in the Bathtub"
|
|
compassion personified
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
Leave the toilet for the girls.
Leave the seat down for them.
|
Peter, this is unacceptable; poetry suffers when one toadies to the feminazi agenda. In a True Christian™ household, the man decides when the seat ought be raised, and when it is lowered - and it is the wife's duty to raise or lower the seat, according to the toiletting needs of her husband.
As for what ladies should do to ensure they don't fall prey to toilet temptations, one should always have plenty of scrunched-up newspaper handy ... or even better, coarse-grained sandpaper.
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I say again; it has always amazed and disgusted me that the satanic paganistas hold defecation in such fascination. This harlot has been jabbering on and on about it in several threads. Truly revolting.
|
Would you stop it? Sweet merciful crawdads, you're the ones who keep writing the threads on poop and then encouraging people to poop here there and everywhere without a regard for the mess left behind!!
You encourage splattering the bathroom with waste and you call ME disgusting for preferring hygiene???
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
you call ME disgusting for preferring hygiene???
|
Since your idea of hygiene is gallon-sized enemas during sex, yes! I would have to agree with Pastor Ezekiel!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:53 AM
Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.
You know, I admire your wisdom and do accept your guidances.
Am struggling, all my pitiful life, to strike that fine balance between
gallantry and Godliness. I open doors. I put the seat up, then down.
Help me, Mrs Rogers. By this time next month (if I survive Investigation),
I hope to have improved to the point where I may be depended upon
to leave the seat down and moistened. You do me
so much good, Mrs. Rogers. You're the Inspiration for my Investigation.
Mrs. Rogers, you scanned the Bible for us. A gift, Mrs. Rogers; you!
I resolve to begin at the beginning. It's why I am here. To redeem
decades wasted in Congregationalism.
Peter
serious
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Since your idea of hygiene is gallon-sized enemas during sex, yes! I would have to agree with Pastor Ezekiel!
|
Say WHAT??????
And just what are your sources for THAT lovely piece of info, Pastor?
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 10:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.
You know, I admire your wisdom and do accept your guidances.
Am struggling, all my pitiful life, to strike that fine balance between
gallantry and Godliness. I open doors. I put the seat up, then down.
Help me, Mrs Rogers. By this time next month (if I survive Investigation),
I hope to have improved to the point where I may be depended upon
to leave the seat down and moistened. You do me
so much good, Mrs. Rogers. You're the Inspiration for my Investigation.
Mrs. Rogers, you scanned the Bible for us. A gift, Mrs. Rogers; you!
I resolve to begin at the beginning. It's why I am here. To redeem
decades wasted in Congregationalism.
Peter
serious
|
CONGREGATIONALISM! The bane of the Pacific Rim. The hated Congies will be on the greased pole ahead of the Catholics! May God Damn them all!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
Christian Poet Emeritus
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 1,694
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Near to Him
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 11:35 AM
Confession: It is the cause of my lieberal (sp?) taint.
Beyond and below my many foibles (Tourettes, poetry, gallantry
and venereal warts), is that CONgregationalist brainwashing
I suffered from child-time, onward.
It's a misery. I'm here to regear.
Peter
withered
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 11:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Say WHAT??????
And just what are your sources for THAT lovely piece of info, Pastor?
|
You have confessed all of this to me in the late hours when you were drinking tequila shooters with beer chasers. You SAY you don't like beer, but.......
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 05:44 PM
Take heart, Congregation. His poetry is improving.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.
You know, I admire your wisdom and do accept your guidances.
Am struggling, all my pitiful life, to strike that fine balance between
gallantry and Godliness. I open doors. I put the seat up, then down.
Help me, Mrs Rogers. By this time next month (if I survive Investigation),
I hope to have improved to the point where I may be depended upon
to leave the seat down and moistened. You do me
so much good, Mrs. Rogers. You're the Inspiration for my Investigation.
Mrs. Rogers, you scanned the Bible for us. A gift, Mrs. Rogers; you!
I resolve to begin at the beginning. It's why I am here. To redeem
decades wasted in Congregationalism.
Peter
serious
|
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-17-2006, 06:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Yeuchhh!!! I'm glad my husband's a heathen like me, if he ever used the 'Wash method', I'd be making him go to the bathroom on the lawn (of our apartment block, so even worse!)
Sheesh, and you doubt evolution. You've very aptly illustrated the resemblance people can have to animals. Even monkeys do their business neater than you!!
|
Oh so the idea your husband is spraying his spunk around your bathroom like a tom cat from marathon self pollutio sessions is something to be proud off Rachael??? Pagan homes are probably the only place were the old warning that a woman could get pregnant from a toilet seat is true.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-18-2006, 06:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
You have confessed all of this to me in the late hours when you were drinking tequila shooters with beer chasers. You SAY you don't like beer, but.......
|
You assured me that was all going to be kept in the strictest confidence!! Hmph, guess one can't take the word of a landover baptist then!
Quote:
Oh so the idea your husband is spraying his spunk around your bathroom like a tom cat from marathon self pollutio sessions is something to be proud off Rachael??? Pagan homes are probably the only place were the old warning that a woman could get pregnant from a toilet seat is true.
|
He doesn't do that. Lookit, just because YOU do those things, doesn't mean you can accuse all other men of being the same way. Besides, we heathen women are not like your robot-wives who just cook and clean. We see to ALL the needs of our men
And besides, the whole 'Wash method' is utterly repulsive. You'd rather have waste all over the bathroom than using simple aim? Animals, the whole lot of you! Can't even do what any monkey could do!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Going to the bathroom; a gateway to evil. -
11-18-2006, 06:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
You assured me that was all going to be kept in the strictest confidence!!
|
Yes, and it would have if you had kept up with your blackm.....tithes.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|