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Arrow Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Haiti - 01-15-2010, 12:25 AM

A team of eight Landover Baptist Missionaries landed in Haiti the day before the earthquake hit. They've already been robbed of given away all of their food and supplies. Right now they need 39,000$ to get off Haiti and to the Club Med in the Bahamas. These guys really need a break. They've already seen more than they expected.

Please call with your generous donation. Phil and Kathy and their six kids really need your support. Do whatever you can to help out during this trying time.

I've already made my donation of 100$. Please see what you have in your heart to give to them.

Praise Jesus!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 12:31 AM

Pastor Phil and Kathy want to come home? Why?

I say strike while the iron is hot. Now is a perfect chance to get those sweaty savages to listen to the Word of God and stop doing the voo-doo that they do.

We'll send them more bullhorns and Chick Tracts.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 12:59 AM

I'm not sending anything to people who may be zombies.

That's why GOD smote them you know, because every Hatee is a Satan Worshiper or a zombie!




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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 01:54 AM

I was talking to the missus over a nice dinner of ham, gravy, peas and yams. We thought one thing we might try to do is have a fund raising dinner. I we could set a price at say $150 a plate. If we can do 2000 people that will be $300,000 in total revenue. Cost should be able to be kept under $20 a plate so we could net out $260,000. It would have to be a cash bar, the joo lawyers have said there is too much liability to the Church if a wayward drunk hits a Church member.
My concern is, do the Haitians have sufficient cash and credit to cover their travel expenses and the dinner?


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 09:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Pastor Phil and Kathy want to come home? Why?

I say strike while the iron is hot. Now is a perfect chance to get those sweaty savages to listen to the Word of God and stop doing the voo-doo that they do.

We'll send them more bullhorns and Chick Tracts.
I agree. As always we should ask ourselves What Would Jesus Do:
Luke 9:60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.
I say with Jesus, Let the dead bury their dead. They had their chance, but they decided to spit Baby Jesus in His face and died before accepting Him as their personal savior.

Now is the time to concentrate on the survivors: Preach the kingdom of God and win their souls before the next time Jesus decides to let loose His burning wrath.


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1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 09:36 AM

BIBLES!!
That's what I'm going to send.
Boxes and boxes of Bibles.
These people don't need food and shelter, they need JESUS!
And BIBLES.

This would never have happened if they'd have had JESUS
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 01:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
BIBLES!!
That's what I'm going to send.
Boxes and boxes of Bibles.
These people don't need food and shelter, they need JESUS!
And BIBLES.

This would never have happened if they'd have had JESUS
I agree Maam thats why im going to find something i can take to the Christian pawn shop downtown so i can have a little money to buy Bibles for the hayteans and make they're lives better.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 01:58 PM

I'll be sending the Haitians a supply of bootstraps.

I rather agree with Brother Limbaugh, that this whole Haitian "disaster" is actually an excuse for Osambo to make political hay. Here's what Brother Rush said yesterday:
Quote:
This will play right into Obama's hands. He's humanitarian, compassionate. They'll use this to burnish their, shall we say, "credibility" with the black community -- in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country. It's made-to-order for them. That's why he couldn't wait to get out there, could not wait to get out there.
Brother Rush went on to astutely recommend that none of us should play along with Osambo on this, and we should withhold any donations whatsoever from the light-skinned and dark-skinned Haitians.

Still, as a True Christian™ I feel Christ Himself pulling at my heartstrings and at my free-market good sense. That's why I'm sending bootstraps. May the Haitians pull themselves up with them.


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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 02:17 PM

This is more urgent than you may realize. As I documented yesterday, there is already at least one team of false-Christians proselytizing in Haiti already. As I reported, they have brought only the essentials in such a time of humanitarian crisis: weapons, Bibles, and a Haitian ex-pat whom they coerced into helping them so he could look for his probably dead family. We can't let this false church steal these souls. We need to beat them to the punch and win these people (not to mention their tithes) for Landover Baptist Church and God!

PS: I think brother Hitchens' plan of having them all the savages attend benefit dinner in their honor is one of the best ideas I have seen in a long time. What better way to help people get relief than to feed them AND have them pay for it at the same time? Perhaps if we added pictures of a delicious bountiful meal splayed out across a cozy kitchen table to our missionary packages, we could use them to entice the natives to get up, dust themselves off, and send us the money that they, themselves, so desperately need. We could even include close-up pictures of pies. Nothing gets me more excited to get up and get going than pictures of lots of different pies. Our missionaries could even make big signs with a picture of the meal Brother Hitchens discussed and walk through the streets. It could say, "If you had followed Jesus, you would be eating this right now!" Surely, our missionaries would gather a large mob following them to Jesus!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 03:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
BIBLES!!
That's what I'm going to send.
Boxes and boxes of Bibles.
These people don't need food and shelter, they need JESUS!
And BIBLES.

This would never have happened if they'd have had JESUS
My relatives would not have died had they had Bibles? 9/11 would not have happened? The great depression? How does that make any sense whatsoever?
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-15-2010, 04:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdman View Post
My relatives would not have died had they had Bibles? 9/11 would not have happened? The great depression? How does that make any sense whatsoever?
How can you be so hateful? Jesus told us to "Let the dead bury their dead" and to "preach the kingdom of God", so that's what we are doing.

Are you an Atheist or Muslim or something?


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1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-16-2010, 04:16 PM

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Originally Posted by birdman View Post
My relatives would not have died had they had Bibles?
Don't be silly. It's not about owning a Bible. It is about reading it cover to cover and living by it. Pray to Jesus Christ our Savior for forgiveness.


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-16-2010, 04:33 PM

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Originally Posted by birdman View Post
My relatives would not have died had they had Bibles? 9/11 would not have happened? The great depression? How does that make any sense whatsoever?

Are you doubting the Word of GOD?

Colossians 3:2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.


3:3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

3:4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.



KJV Luke 17:33 Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.
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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-17-2010, 04:40 AM

This is a classic example of a woeful lack of security. This is war and Jesus has struck the first blow! Troops, barbed wire and guns! Round them up and put them in camps shoot any trouble makers and looters!



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Default Re: Prayer and donations needed for Landover missionaires in Hait - 01-17-2010, 06:11 AM

I saw on Fox News that Haitians are about 80% Catlicks, which explains how their production of offspring seriously exceeds their ability to feed them. What is wrong with the papists that they cannot teach abstinence? Seems to me we need boots on the ground there teaching them to stop having sex willy nilly and more about architecture and structural engineering.
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