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Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Smile ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-25-2011, 03:33 PM
LOOK FOR GOD
IN THE UNEXPECTED
PORK DINNER FEB27 4-7
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-25-2011, 05:32 PM
Do you want all the LOL's to bring a dish?

I'll bring my famous baked beans and of course my even more famous pie.



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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-25-2011, 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Do you want all the LOL's to bring a dish?

I'll bring my famous baked beans and of course my even more famous pie.
Sounds Tasty!

I am SO excited with Wondering who will be the first to Find God in the unexpected Pork Dinner!

(I copied this message exactly as posted on the Church marquee)
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-26-2011, 06:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
LOOK FOR GOD


IN THE UNEXPECTED

PORK DINNER FEB27 4-7
Sister, there is nothing I like better than being unexpectedly stuffed full of pork!

Where is the surprise porking to take place? (I promise to look surprised . . . )

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-26-2011, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Sister, there is nothing I like better than being unexpectedly stuffed full of pork!

Where is the surprise porking to take place? (I promise to look surprised . . . )
Same as always, Reverend.....PASTOR'S HOME!!!
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-26-2011, 02:24 PM
No mudslimes allowed!


Easter Hams will be given to all attendees!

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-26-2011, 02:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Easter Hams will be given to all attendees!
Praise you, Pastor, for reminding me it's almost that Blessed time of year again. Hard to remember with all this snow on the ground

It's entirely too long a stretch between Christmas and Easter!

Especially with all this God-Damned snow and ice everywhere
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-26-2011, 11:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
No mudslimes allowed!


Easter Hams will be given to all attendees!
Pastor Zeke, As you might be aware, mother is pretty much confined to a wheel chair now so I always ask before bringing her to peoples houses. I really do understand that folks are concerned about tire marks on their carpets so I haven't mentioned the event to her yet.

1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-27-2011, 02:03 AM
Nothing (save for a good Bible reading) is as fulfilling and satisfying as a juicy pork dinner. My doctor advises me to avoid meats for now, but I've just dropped a whopping 10 lbs this month and now weigh in at a svelte 275, so I think there's nothing wrong with a little indulgence on my part.


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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-27-2011, 02:10 AM
I can't wait to stuff myself full of pork tomorrow!!

In a discreet and ladylike manner, of course.

"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-27-2011, 04:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
I can't wait to stuff myself full of pork tomorrow!!

In a discreet and ladylike manner, of course.
Mmmmm. Pulled Pork.

Say, maybe you can give me and Sister Sue a hand pulling the pork?



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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-27-2011, 09:00 AM
id really really like to attend this because I havent eaten since yesterday (my top ramen ran out) because i know its only for silver tithers on up, and beleive me i would donate more to the church if i could. i even skipped a payment on my trailor this month. But im glad that the church is funding this meal thru people like me so that you guys can enjoy a real good dinner. i know this is what JESUS wouldve wanted you know so that you people can eat really well. I pray someday i will win the lottery, that is my plan for getting rich, but beleive me i found a way to beat the lottery so i know it will happen. ALL IT TAKES IS FAITH.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DINNER. i know i am put on earth to sacrifice and suffer, i know i made so many sins in my past, so im happy that you people can enjoy this dinner. PRAISE JESUS!



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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-27-2011, 12:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebuko the Clown View Post
id really really like to attend this because I havent eaten since yesterday (my top ramen ran out) because i know its only for silver tithers on up, and beleive me i would donate more to the church if i could. i even skipped a payment on my trailor this month. But im glad that the church is funding this meal thru people like me so that you guys can enjoy a real good dinner. i know this is what JESUS wouldve wanted you know so that you people can eat really well. I pray someday i will win the lottery, that is my plan for getting rich, but beleive me i found a way to beat the lottery so i know it will happen. ALL IT TAKES IS FAITH.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DINNER. i know i am put on earth to sacrifice and suffer, i know i made so many sins in my past, so im happy that you people can enjoy this dinner. PRAISE JESUS!
Rebuko, I have heard that there will be more than a few children attending the party with their parents.Those special Ritalin addled kids It is such a shame they have no one to distract and entertain drown them. Personally I would like to see something a bit more organized electroschock therapy to keep them amused and their chubby fingers out of the food bowls!. It is too bad nobody has volunteered to do this chore. Some of those kids are real PITAs if you get my meaning.....should have been drowned at birth! I would speak with Sister SUV if I were you, she might jump at a volunteer of your status..I will cover your salary if the potato salad goes untainted this year . I am sure you will do a fine job!
All the best Brother
PS Please excuse the gaps in this message, there seems to be something amiss with my keyboard s.I will have it examined as soo n as possible.

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Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 02-28-2011, 03:00 PM
"Got So Porked I Could Barely Walk!"

Of course, this happens every time I go to Pastor's Christian Manse, God Bless Him, that generous Man!

The real trick was to "Find God in the UNEXPECTED Pork Dinner." Now that was a little difficult....So what I did was first request Beef, so that I could act surprised when I was served Bobby-q Pork, which does of course look like the Hair of JESUS, who is of course the Son of God and maybe even part of GOD Himself, and you Know how stringy Bobby-q is, and so it resembled the Hair of JESUS! after he went on His JOURNEY to find SOLUTIONS up His Hill in His Robe carrying His Cross, and Boy, didn't His otherwise Perfectly Groomed Blonde Hair get a little bit raggedy then I would imagine!

So yes, Friends, I did find God in the unexpected Pork Dinner and I Hope you all did too!
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Default Re: ANNOUNCEMENT - 03-10-2011, 04:32 AM
I'm sorry I couldn't make it for the Unexpected Porking. I was waylaid.

Did the servants give Rebuko some pork after the event? I'm sure that would have been most unexpected!

Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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