Greetings fellow True Christians! I'm sure you've all been following this case of despicable smears and lies being aimed at Godly Governor Christie, who is totally innocent of any wrongdoing.
As anyone who has been watching Fox News would know, the Governor has denied having any knowledge whatsoever of the four-day bridge closings, and I see no reason why we shouldn't believe him.
Since we know the Governor is innocent, this raises several important questions, namely:
1) Who ordered the bridge closings?
2) Who sent those incriminating emails revealing that the bridge was being closed as political retaliation against a Democrat mayor?
3) Who in the Governor's office has no dirt on Christie and thus can easily be made the fall-guy?
After a thorough investigation, the NSA (a public-private partnership with my company) has found the culprit! His name is
Leroy. He works in the Governor's office, and had full access to the computers at a time when nobody else was around to witness his treachery. Our crack team of investigators have also discovered that he's a registered Democrat and voted for Obama twice! If that wasn't incriminating enough, he's from Harlem (right near the George Washington Bridge!) and indeed his elderly parents still live there!
Leroy (on right), terrorist mole inside Governor Christie's office
The more we look at Leroy's activities, the more evidence we find of his cunning and deceit. As you can see in the above photos, he buffed the Governor's office floors with wax every evening. Well, as it turns out, Governor Christie has a 17-year-old secretary named Hannah who three times in the past six months has had to go to the hospital after - according to medical reports - the Governor "slipped and fell" on her, causing her to suffer a bruised vagina and anus. I think it's perfectly obvious that Leroy was behind the whole plot - with his insidious waxing and buffing - hoping to injure and kill the Governor and try to make it look like an accident.
It's fortunate that Hannah was there to brake the Governor's fall. Of course, our hearts go out to her. She recently took a one-month leave, and flew to France for some unspecified "medical treatment." I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that we wish her a speedy recovery from whatever it is that was causing her to throw-up every morning.
As for Leroy, he's been detained for questioning about his terrorism links. I can assure you that our awesome national security state will get to the bottom of his insidious activities.