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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
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Default Mixed Fibers - 03-19-2017, 01:47 PM

I have a difficulty.

The other day I was visiting a member of the congregation at his house when I saw the bootlaces pictured below.

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Using my powers as a Pastor, I seized them as "possible abominations" under

Le:19:19: Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

and

De:22:11: Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

The member (hereafter referred to as "the abomination") was asked for some reasonable explanation, and claimed that
(i) the verses in question applied only to Israelites and as he had the usual "Landover Certificate of Confirmation of Non-Semitic Origins" the law did not apply, and

(ii) There is no evidence to show that the laces are "wool and linen"

(ii) shoelaces are not "worn" and do not "come upon him" but "used".
The abomination (and all his family) is currently shunned from Landover.

My feeling is that a fair trail should be held and a conviction must be secured for the sake of public policy and to prevent further breaches of God's law on "technicalities." This will allow the eviction of the abomination and his family from Landover "as an example."

To counter his arguments:

(i) The limitation on "Israelites only" does not apply in the same way that Jesus said
M't:15:24: But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

And we all know Jesus meant "everyone".

(ii) The "wool/cotton" question has been decided in "Landover v. Robertson (1792)" in which it was decided that "wool and linen" are simply examples as shown by

De:22:11: Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

in which "as of" means "such as" or "for example."

(iii) Shoe laces are indeed "worn" and do "come upon" in the same way that "costly array" in

1Tm:2:9: In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

This abomination's defense can be dismissed mainly because we can't have this sort of thing in Landover, but I would appreciate any agreement or other reasons why a conviction is certain before we proceed to trial and conviction.






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and crime is what Black people do.

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Default Re: Mixed Fibers - 03-19-2017, 04:46 PM

Dear Brother Sir:

THANK YOU! When "Christians" start playing fast and loose with what they deem "technicalities", that's the beginning of mandated immorality. Soon, we'll be forced to marry Gays and let Muslims hold services in our churches.

And did you notice the offensive, Un-American spelling of the word, "fiber"?


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Jesus Re: Mixed Fibers - 03-19-2017, 06:10 PM

Brother Bathfire,


I would have outed this person to the congregation! I am so against hypocrisy and as Sister Handmaiden pointed out, this person is also obviously illiterate - another lifestyle choice that must be condemned by True Christians™.


We should not have members among us who purport to be the faithful followers of the flock of our Lord while engaging in blatant sins, thereby spitting in the Lord's precious and holy Face.


I would elaborate but I must go back to helping Brother Taylor locate his dead wife, who was horribly killed in Canada less than an hour ago by a hit man. Thankfully his sons were spared - even the transgender one. His daughters have yet to be located. I won't abandon this quest until I am sure Brother Tommy-tom-tom is completely satisfied.


Again, Brother Bathfire, I say OUT this heathen, and OUT all others who try to deceive us. I believe it was former President Van Buren who said, "The spoiling of humanity comes not from our acceptance of those who attempt to defile it; rather the spoiling comes from our attempts to hide the fact that traitors exist."


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Default Re: Mixed Fibers - 03-19-2017, 06:30 PM

As Sister Handmaiden points out, those laces are clearly foreign and may even be Canadian.

Pastor, if I recall correctly there used to be a Landover city ordinance prohibiting the import of foreign goods without a license. If that is still in force, you could add it to the charge sheet, which would ensure a conviction. There is really no defense, assuming that you confiscated the evidence.


Ecclesiastes 12:13

Let vs heare the conclusion of the whole matter: Feare God, and keepe his commandements, for this is the whole duetie of man.
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Jesus Re: Mixed Fibers - 03-19-2017, 06:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
As Sister Handmaiden points out, those laces are clearly foreign and may even be Canadian.

Pastor, if I recall correctly there used to be a Landover city ordinance prohibiting the import of foreign goods without a license. If that is still in force, you could add it to the charge sheet, which would ensure a conviction. There is really no defense, assuming that you confiscated the evidence.

Sister Lytton-Vasey,


Not to highjack this thread but I just noted how fair of face you are. The Spirit of our Lord shines through your countenance. No need for Cover Girl or Maybelline or other nasty makeup for you!


Is your husband healthy?


PS: PLEASE do not show him this post.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

ATTENTION CHRISTIAN LADIES:
I am a young, handsome, well-built True Christian™ male, with intelligence, ambition, and the blood of Jesus coursing through my virile body.
Does this create wholesome desires within you for courting?
Contact me by private message!

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