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Reload this Page ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Smile Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post
Have you given any thought to what you would like for Christmas, Mr Claus? I can see from your photo in the OP that your a man of advanced years and considerable girth. Have you given any thought as to how Mrs Claus would manage if something were ever to happen to you?

It just so turns out that at the moment I've got some great deals on prearranged funeral packages, given that business has been pretty slow since I moved to Freehold -- the life expectancy around here is, as you would expect, pretty high (Eph 6:2-3). I don't normally cater to the unsaved, but I would be willing to make an exception in your case.

You will no doubt be needing a rather substantial casket. Perhaps something in the Goliath range?



And what about a viewing? A chance for Mrs Claus and all the children you give toys to a chance to say their final goodbyes.

Give it some thought (not too much, though -- the big day isn't far away) and let me know. We can discuss prices later, but they are quite reasonable, ballpark $15,000-$30,000*, depending on certain factors.

* Strait Gate Funeral Parlor reserves the right to change pricing at any time and without notice.
Young Alan! One of my favorite lads. How absolutely cute of you to think of Old Santa in that manner. But I'm still young and I'll be delivering bright plastics to your widow one day! Ho ho ho! I always say that Let the dead bury their dead: but I go and preach the kingdom of Good Deliverance!

You are such a nice boy and I'll deliver you the blue pill, as always.



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 04:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Horse Guy View Post
Santa,

I remember sitting on your lap when I was a boy. One year your breath smelled like something I noticed when walking by the pub holding mother's hand as she sought presents for Aunt Lucia, who was, according to mother, "so hard to buy for - Lesbians don't like anything." Aunt Lucia sure could play softball, though.

So - here is my wish list, Santa. I won't be greedy.
1. I want my application to move to Freehold approved.
2. I want my mom and dad to become Christians instead of continuing to worship Mary and do aerobics in Mass.
3. I would like to succeed in my creation science class so Elmer White will like me.
5. I also want Dr. Niles to like me just like I like him.
6. That last one needs to be on the down low.
7. Please bring all the poor people lots of presents and not just cheap hand me downs from the Salvation Army.

How is Mrs. Claus? Please say hello to Rosita for me. Does she have a red nose?
Yours,
Lar-Bear (Remember how you always called me that?)
It's young Pony Boy!! Such a demanding child. As always, Unca Santa is gonna give you what you need based on your niceties! Not necessarily what you demand.

1. I mostly deliver things of plastic, so paperwork and papyri are something you have to ask Jesus. He usually grants even the mustard seeds everything they want (they mostly want all forests to be replaced by cultivated fields are they've done very well wish-wise). I won't mind if you contact him, also.
2. Your mom and dad are going to get plastic figurines of the Jesus guy, I hope that helps.
3. I'll deliver you a plastic model (size S) of Noah's Ark. I hope that helps.
4. I'll deliver Nilesy-Dilesy one of the anatomically correct plastic toys that he loves so much and tell him it's from you. I'm sure that helps.
5. or 6. I'll also deliver you a plastic model of the human brain. I doubt that it'll help, though.
7. Nice people will get nice things regardless of their wealth, plastic has no boundaries. There is neither slow nor sleek, there is neither Bond nor Blofeld, there is neither male nor she-male: for you are all one on my list of nice and naughty.

Rosita says hi to your horseys. She has excellent teeth but as a ruminant only on the lower jaw when it comes to front teeth.
Ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshal Kim Jong-un View Post
Are you sure you does not want me to sacrifice exploding jelly baby to you?
Undels-Dundels, my boy! At my age you're not sure if your pants are wet or dry or if you just remembered to close your fly. Ho ho ho! OK, my "jelly baby" has not exploded for decades. Ho Ho HO!!!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Smile Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 04:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Dear "Santa";
I didn't trust you then, and I don't trust you now. If you look to my right, you will see that I am not (nor was I ever) in Bloomingdales as a child.

Non-credulously Yours,
Handmaiden
Handels-Dandels,

I have always delivered the plastics, I shall always do that to you. Your trust issues can probably be dealt with a nice comfy organic puppy.



Don't let Un-boy dogsit her, though! Ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 06:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
You are such a nice boy and I'll deliver you the blue pill, as always.

My friend reckons that won't be enough to get him through to next Christmas. He asked me to ask you if you could perhaps throw in an extra couple of packs. And could you make sure it's the 25 mg, not the 100mg? Last year's gift ended in a trip to the emergency department.


Strait Gate Funeral Parlor
Alan Swallows – Undertaker – Licensed embalmer
Professional and dignified service • Modern facility • Traditional funeral services • Open all hours

NO cremations and NO unsaved clients

You're never too young (Luke 12:20). Prearrange YOUR funeral today!!!
You already have? Our prearranged funeral packages also make the perfect birthday gift for your loved ones!
What are you waiting for? You've got NOTHING to lose! All funeral plans are 100% refundable if Jesus returns before you die.*


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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 06:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Handels-Dandels,

I have always delivered the plastics, I shall always do that to you. Your trust issues can probably be dealt with a nice comfy organic puppy.



Don't let Un-boy dogsit her, though! Ho ho ho!

Well, of course she's organic! She can't very well be a synthetic polymer. She is a real dog right? You're not trying to pawn me off with some weird Japanese robo-pet?


This changes nothing for me but my shopping list. Now I have to find premium grain-free dog food, a custom engraved name tag, (should I go for obvious cute, like "Fluffy" or ironic, like "Fang" or "Killer") then there's the velveteen bed, squeaky toys . . . The stores will be crazy on Christmas Eve.


You know, when Jesus gave me the gift of eternal salvation, He only required me to witness on His behalf. I wasn't expected to feed and walk everyone I talked into believing in Him. . . She'll need a bow, pink or purple . . . satin is prettier, but grosgrain is more durable . . .Ooh, a taffeta plaid for Christmas. . .


Preoccupiedly Yours,
Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Exclamation Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 06:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post
My friend reckons that won't be enough to get him through to next Christmas. He asked me to ask you if you could perhaps throw in an extra couple of packs. And could you make sure it's the 25 mg, not the 100mg? Last year's gift ended in a trip to the emergency department.
Ally-Dally, Believe me, I know this product intimately. You're supposed to take 1 x 100 mg pill and not 4 x, not like the way you did with the 25 mg. The ER staff have been nice and I'll be delivering them plenty of plastic disposable syringes for Christmas. Ho ho ho and everyone will be OK.


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Exclamation Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 06:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Well, of course she's organic! She can't very well be a synthetic polymer. She is a real dog right? You're not trying to pawn me off with some weird Japanese robo-pet?

This changes nothing for me but my shopping list. Now I have to find premium grain-free dog food, a custom engraved name tag, (should I go for obvious cute, like "Fluffy" or ironic, like "Fang" or "Killer") then there's the velveteen bed, squeaky toys . . . The stores will be crazy on Christmas Eve.

You know, when Jesus gave me the gift of eternal salvation, He only required me to witness on His behalf. I wasn't expected to feed and walk everyone I talked into believing in Him. . . She'll need a bow, pink or purple . . . satin is prettier, but grosgrain is more durable . . .Ooh, a taffeta plaid for Christmas. . .

Preoccupiedly Yours,
Handmaiden
Dear Handy-Girl! You're so nice! I'll deliver some plastic things to you. Apparently many puppy owners find these nice and handy! You'll need them when you go without with a dog.



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 01:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Undels-Dundels, my boy! At my age you're not sure if your pants are wet or dry or if you just remembered to close your fly. Ho ho ho! OK, my "jelly baby" has not exploded for decades. Ho Ho HO!!!
Friend, I am not understand what you is thing I will talking about, however, it is traditional to sacrifice a baby to Satan because for a black mass. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nhBqntL0f4


"When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be not afraid of them: for the LORD thy God is with thee, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt." - Deuteronomy 20:1

I like this one. If change "the LORD thy God" to the spirit of Juche and "the land of Egypt" to Japanese imperialism, then it can be used to metaphor Korea's struggle against the Western powers.
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 01:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Handels-Dandels,

I have always delivered the plastics, I shall always do that to you. Your trust issues can probably be dealt with a nice comfy organic puppy.



Don't let Un-boy dogsit her, though! Ho ho ho!
Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)


"When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be not afraid of them: for the LORD thy God is with thee, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt." - Deuteronomy 20:1

I like this one. If change "the LORD thy God" to the spirit of Juche and "the land of Egypt" to Japanese imperialism, then it can be used to metaphor Korea's struggle against the Western powers.
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 08:21 PM

Dear Santa,


Look, you fat a_$( $$&))@)@&^^$^$ I am a certified equine gnathologist who has passed a veterinary quiz and in my first term of PhD schoolery. I deserve some respect. Perhaps you didn't notice that Jesus asked ME to take care of his horses when he responded to my post. He might have been a little condescending in His tone, but He IS God's Son, after all. You aren't.


I'll be waiting on your sincere apology.


Plastic sucks.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-24-2016, 08:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshal Kim Jong-un View Post
Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)
Hello Kim,

As you seem to like fine (or exotic) foods, perhaps you could share them in the Basic recipe thread. It would be a shame to let your expertise go to waste.

Kind regards,

Roland


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshal Kim Jong-un View Post
Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)
Hmmm . . . "Yum-Yum" could be a different sort of ironic name, and I do have an odd sense of humor. . .


Contemplatively Yours,
Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Jesus' eternal love Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 03:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Horse Guy View Post
Dear Santa,

Look, you fat a_$( $$&))@)@&^^$^$ I am a certified equine gnathologist who has passed a veterinary quiz and in my first term of PhD schoolery. I deserve some respect. Perhaps you didn't notice that Jesus asked ME to take care of his horses when he responded to my post. He might have been a little condescending in His tone, but He IS God's Son, after all. You aren't.

I'll be waiting on your sincere apology.

Plastic sucks.

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry
Pony Boy, such a lovely, funny boy! You never grew out of your tiny sweet tantrums, did you? Santa will always love you. Everything is forgiven. Even your flattery and the whole boast shall be forgiven unto (wo)men. Look, see, Poby Boy, I can also make fun emojis with the funny characters that no-one needs for actual writing: ¤#%&%=?)[]]{½! Isn't it fun!?

I'll deliver you something that will help you reconsider your plastic position. Look, see, some plastic horse teeth for your studies! Ho ho ho!



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Wink Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshal Kim Jong-un View Post
Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)
Kim-Dim-Dim! Yum-Yum is sauce in a plastic bottle. Only after your fat camp, darling!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Hello Kim,

As you seem to like fine (or exotic) foods, perhaps you could share them in the Basic recipe thread. It would be a shame to let your expertise go to waste.

Kind regards,

Roland
Ronnie, my boy! You already have the eye patch. Did you receive the wonderful pasta dough necklace that I just delivered? You love it, don't you! I'll be with you always, even unto the end of the world. You don't have to be A-men, I also deliver to B-men! Ho ho ho!



Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Hmmm . . . "Yum-Yum" could be a different sort of ironic name, and I do have an odd sense of humor...
Contemplatively Yours,
Handmaiden
Maidy-Daidy, my girliegirl. I'm very (very) busy at the moment, as your pastor Zeke had some booby-traps down his chimney, all of course disarmed now. He also had 7 dozen stockings in case I made it through the boobies. I filled all his socks, as I always deliver and not into chains of darkness unlike some people I know! Yum-Yum is sauce in a plastic bottle. I delivered one in your stocking a few moment ago. It has cinnamon, so it is not safe for dogs. Do not give it to your puppy!



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 08:21 AM

Dear Santa:
I see your sleigh on the building down the street so I know you haven't got here yet. There is still time to leave me a few more small trinkets to show that you are real and care about me.


1. When I was 7, I asked you for something that you didn't bring. It was long, made noise when you turned it on, and I could play with it for hours. You should know what it is.
2. At the age of 8, you promised to bring me this cylindrical object that would take me to the moon and back. Instead, you brought me a plastic Jeep and the tires fell off after just a few uses.
5. The Etch a Sketch also broke when Sister Irene Peter threw it out the classroom window during Catechism class. I wouldn't mind a replacement; I could use it to take notes in my PhD program.


I left the Jaeger and Red Bull as you requested but please don't drive drunk. I will be sleeping in my bed just down the hallway to the left. Alone, defenseless, and vulnerable.


Merry Merry Christmas, you Jolly Old Elf!
LarBear


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Messican Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 03:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Horse Guy View Post
Dear Santa:
I see your sleigh on the building down the street so I know you haven't got here yet. There is still time to leave me a few more small trinkets to show that you are real and care about me.

1. When I was 7, I asked you for something that you didn't bring. It was long, made noise when you turned it on, and I could play with it for hours. You should know what it is.
2. At the age of 8, you promised to bring me this cylindrical object that would take me to the moon and back. Instead, you brought me a plastic Jeep and the tires fell off after just a few uses.
5. The Etch a Sketch also broke when Sister Irene Peter threw it out the classroom window during Catechism class. I wouldn't mind a replacement; I could use it to take notes in my PhD program.

I left the Jaeger and Red Bull as you requested but please don't drive drunk. I will be sleeping in my bed just down the hallway to the left. Alone, defenseless, and vulnerable.

Merry Merry Christmas, you Jolly Old Elf!
LarBear
Pony Boy!

It has come to my attention that - unlike I thought previously - the thing that you are referring to and that everybody seems to want is actually not a small village in Newfoundland but a motorized plastic object. Thus, it would indeed have been within my expertise!

As it turned out, your Pastor Zekie-Diekie, that darling boy requested seven times seventy for his basic biblical anatomy class and I am out of stock. I am sure that if you ask your pastor, he'll deliver.

I'm off to vacation soon! Be nice! Ho ho ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 04:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
[...]
Ronnie, my boy! You already have the eye patch. Did you receive the wonderful pasta dough necklace that I just delivered? You love it, don't you! I'll be with you always, even unto the end of the world. You don't have to be A-men, I also deliver to B-men! Ho ho ho!



[...]
Hello Santa,

I am glad you also serve the other -men. I must confess though that I am quite a bit down the list, to the point where two letters are needed.

I do like pasta and I like the pretty colours! Then I noticed the eyes and realized these are actually Danger Noodles. I submit that they serve their purpose in this world (and sometimes not) but I´dd rather keep them at some distance.



Kind regards,

Roland


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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Jesus Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-25-2016, 07:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Pony Boy!

It has come to my attention that - unlike I thought previously - the thing that you are referring to and that everybody seems to want is actually not a small village in Newfoundland but a motorized plastic object. Thus, it would indeed have been within my expertise!

As it turned out, your Pastor Zekie-Diekie, that darling boy requested seven times seventy for his basic biblical anatomy class and I am out of stock. I am sure that if you ask your pastor, he'll deliver.

I'm off to vacation soon! Be nice! Ho ho ho!

I think the Jaeger went to your brain, old man. I wanted an electric train, a space ship, and a replacement etch a sketch. Instead, under my tree, I have some plastic horse teeth, a my little pony, and a 7 pack of Hanes briefs. I am relying on Jesus from this point forward.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Smile Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-26-2016, 03:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Hello Santa,

I am glad you also serve the other -men. I must confess though that I am quite a bit down the list, to the point where two letters are needed.

I do like pasta and I like the pretty colours! Then I noticed the eyes and realized these are actually Danger Noodles. I submit that they serve their purpose in this world (and sometimes not) but I´dd rather keep them at some distance.

Kind regards,

Roland
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Horse Guy View Post
I think the Jaeger went to your brain, old man. I wanted an electric train, a space ship, and a replacement etch a sketch. Instead, under my tree, I have some plastic horse teeth, a my little pony, and a 7 pack of Hanes briefs. I am relying on Jesus from this point forward.
This is an automated reply. Santa is on vacation until December 1 2017. Regarding customer complaints and returns, Santa is proud to introduce a 'goodwill' returns policy, especially at Christmas. All properly filled complaint forms can and will be assessed if returned in person to the North Pole Central office by 2 January 2017. Only personally signed petitions in triplicate will be considered.

Santa thanks all participants of this forum for their interest is his policy of good delivery and he's looking forward to meeting you all again next year.


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
 

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